It started when i was 14, i had a nervous breakdown nd went into manic depression when my mum left shortly after my 14th birthday, when she told me nd my sis, i was fine i didn't think it'd be bad, thought it was for the best, until the next day it kicked in hard that my mum wouldn't be round anymore, i'd still get to visit her but it wouldn't be the same, nd i just shut down, i collapsed, my aunt found me saying i was in hysterics, shaking curled in a ball laughing nd sobbing at the same time, crying like a water damn exploded from my eyes, i was mumbling nd rocking back nd forth looking terrified, this caused me to have autophobia its where you have a fear of abandonment, nd it got worse after that i was under pressure alot nd stressed out constantly cos my dad blamed me nd my sis for the reason why our mum left but its cos my dad was a stupid violent drunk nd just couldnt believe he made her unlove him. anyway like 2 years after that me nd my sis went into an arguement about our mum sayin she abandoned us, thus the autophobia, after i couldnt take much more i started crying excessively, shaking, shortness of breathe like hiccuping short, my heart started hurting nd my lunges nd throat felt tight nd i felt numb like paralyze, i physically couldn't move. nd that's happened about 4 times since i was 14 now i'm 17, nd today i had the same, crying, shaking, thinking how shit i am nd how i've screwed up my life, rocking a lil, shortness of breathe, thightness in lungs throat nd heart nd feel paralyzed. i've been in bed since it's happened and i just cant move, i feel like someone's threatened me with a knife thats how scared i am right now. anyway sorry for the long intro but can anyone help?? much appreciated xxx
It sounds like a panic attack to me, which is the same as an anxiety attack. What you should try and do is talk to someone about it. You made a great step talking about it here, so try and do the same with someone who will be able to give you real help. This could be a counsellor (most unis/ colleges have free ones) or your doctor. If you explain you get anxious regularly and how you get in this state which affects your day to day life, then they will be able to help. This could be medication, such as beta blockers, which help you feel less anxious, or recommending a course of counselling or other form of therapy for you, and referring you to it.
There is no shame in feeling how you do, so do please seek help and let the professionals, who deal with this every single day, offer you their advice. Talking through this will help you put the issues behind you and enable you to learn new coping methods for the future, so you never have to get into such a bad state again.
What your describing is almost PTSD post traumatic stress disorder. While this disorder was made famous by combat hardened vets returning form Iraq it can take hold in almost any major emotional trauma, anything from child birth to divorce. The best thing is to tell someone anyone that can get you the help you need such as a guardian, teacher, police officer, or doctor the sooner it is addressed the better. If you need anyone for support or help please feel free to funmail me at any time I check my page daily.
Manic depression is the old definition for bipolar disorder. You don't go into it. You can develop it and have it managed. But nothing you've described sounds like bipolar disorder. And it doesn't just come and go. A panic attack is the same thing as an anxiety attack. A nervous breakdown isn't really an official diagnosis of anything. And no, no one can diagnose what you have online. Go see a mental health expert.
