Okay so i find myself frequently binging, i feel guilty as hell after, i the attempt to purge it, not because i think im fat but because i feel like i don't deserve the food and that its stupid. I know i sound stupid but i cant describe how i feel but if i dont binge i feel find. How can i fight the urge to binge? like when i binge i will happily destory my way through 4 packs of biscuits 5 bags of chips, a full meal, toast, sandwiches, chocolates.. its gotte so bad i sometimes even break my vegan-ness. I know even if someoe says to ot puke it up i will do it. I need to gai control but i dont have anny ad i dont want to develop bulimia again.
Well, I'd get my family involved. I'd say they'll give you meaningful support, more than any of us on here can do. You obviously don't need a lecture about how bad it is for you because, from what you've said you know you shouldn't do it. Being a vegetarian I've found that I eat waaaaay more because I'm not getting enough nutrients or the right amount of iron and fiber.. which makes me hungry 24/7. So, maybe your vegan diet is to blame? Although, I applaud you on that.. (I know it's hard.) Maybe if you start eating more harty things you won't feel the need to binge. These are just some suggestions. In my opinion, throwing it up is the worst thing you can do. If you can't control yourself and you find yourself eating everything.. Do the old fashion thing & EXERCISE. Haha, like really excersicing leads to overall happiness. You'll be in shape, looking great.. and people who work out regularly tend to eat more because they need more calories. So try working out every once in a while. :) I hope everything works out for you & Hopefully I didn't offend you.
You should speak to anyone you can- parents, friends, counselors, a therapist, your doctor- anyone. I consider bulimia and other eating disorders to be mental illnesses (they're certainly not the "lifestyle choice" some people claim they are), especially when like you, they are the result of guilt or bad feelings.
You may have other problems contributing to it. The good thing is, you say you want to change. You need to take the initiative and tell others so they can help you. You're not going to be able to find all the answers on sites like this. You'll need constant support, maybe even hospitalization. But it's worth it, because disorders like bulimia can kill you, and it's not worth it,