"... To err is human, to forgive divine. ..."
.Harbouring hatred will always make you more embittered so that you become a worse person. You may continue to hate the sin, but you should love the sinner - at least in the sense that you forgive them and wish them no harm.
This person did something wrong, not because of a wish to do evil as such, but through an uncontrolled desire / need to behave in a manner that was wrong.
Someone long ago told me that we don't really have free will, we only have the illusion of free will. Everything we actually do is due to force of circumstances. At the time (and it was a long time ago) I thought it was a ridiculous statement. But since then I have been looking for irrefutable evidence of free-will, and found it very hard to detect.
On one occasion I woke up thirsty and found I couldn't decide whether I preferred to make a cup of tea or a cup of coffee. Everything - even down to the proximity of the materials seemed to form a perfectly balanced incentive. After a long thought I decided on the coffee, and realized right then that it was probably the only totally free will choice I had made in around 10 years.
Difficult to justify, but maybe this person your family hates so much was in that position of having to behave in some dreadful manner, in the same way that a starving person may have no option but to resort to cannibalism - being unable to resist the urge to eat rather than starve to death.
Some of our primeval urges - to breath, eat, drink, and have sex in accordance with our inclinations can only be resisted for so long and then they go beyond the limits of our deliberate control.
That does not justify someone being sinful by succumbing to those urges in an evil manner, but it does mean that we should forgive them rather than debase ourselves by failing to do so.
Best wishes - Majikthise.
That is a very good question, I always think about that yet still dont hv the answer to that question because I am in that place with an aunt of mine that caused major drama in my family so much so that I hv disowned them all...frankly I am happy I did...less drama now & no more manipulating me in the process of finding out what I am up to!
So, I cant speak for anyone else at the moment, but I am not sorry we arent on speaking terms. After everything that aunt did to me, all the relationships she ruined with my cousins as well, she had to leave this earth with a guilty conscience...I dont...my conscience is free & clear.
I think it depends on what that family member has done to cause the hatred. If you've been deeply wounded, it's difficult to forgive. It's important to do so, though, for your own health and happiness.
Do you have some one to talk to about it? A close friend, or a relative that might understand why you're feeling this way? If you're religious, perhaps you can talk to your spiritual leader. If not, perhaps you might think of getting some counseling on the matter. Whatever you decide, talking about it is the first step to forgiving, I think.
Bring out the good things of that person - This can remove hatred. Or try to make understand to all the family members that every person in the world does some mistakes but we should have the quality to forgive them. Gold loves those people who forgives others- God will have mercy on you if have mercy on others ;)
I suspected it might be. You need to talk about it to someone who can help you sort through the emotional issues. It's important. I've been there, and it's not easy. Counseling is really helpful.
I did that long ago when it first happened, I don't remember goin, and haven't been to another one, thx for the advice, I appreciate it
I sound like a broken record, but consider counseling again now that you're old enough to verbalize your feeling.
Well without giveing out to much info, we will just say it was something that shudnt b done to childre
I will b sure to check into it :-)