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I don't know what to do. My fiance is extremely religious and I've never felt any connection to God in the least. I am skeptical of the bible, and I can't feel any faith in my body, other than faith in myself. Does that make me selfish? What can I do? I don't want to lose the one that I love, but the struggle I'm facing in trying to find that faith is killing me. I have no energy left, but I continue to fight. He is the best thing that has happened to me, and he believes that God brought us together. I, yet again, am skeptical. I feel strongly that the bible was written by man, and that the idea of God is a comfort to those who are not strong enough to fight in this world alone. My fiance thinks that I believe in God and that I feel him in my life, but I don't. I'm so scared of losing him over thing. He tells me that if I weren't religious, he would not marry me because in the bible it says that you have to be equally yolked in your faith.
How can I find my faith? How can I not lose him in the process? Am I lying to myself by staying with him, even though I am so much happier now that I am?
I'm so lost and scared. Adivce?
Wow. I think the most important question you have to ask yourself is: Are you willing to accept religion and faith all over again just to be with your fiancee?
When I said "all over again", I am assuming that you were at least brought up a Christian/Catholic or something.
If you are willing, you can admit to your fiancee that your faith isn't strong enough, but you're willing to go for a rejuvenation process of the Christian faith (different denominations of Christianity will have different ways to do it. For example one option Catholics can go through a seminar-type thing that lasts a few weeks to a couple of months, basically the end result being that you accept Jesus Christ into your life again). I think he will be delighted to hear that.
But if you think that you're just kidding yourself and you will always be skeptical and remain an agnostic/atheist, I think you need to be honest with him as well. I'm sorry to say, but you can't keep the charade up for long after you're married. In fact, I'm very shocked to know that during the time of your relationship, you've never mentioned any of your lack of faith to him. Once again, communication is always key to the most successful relationships.
Illucidate, you can't have your cake and eat it too. This is quite a massive breach of trust. He had trusted you to be on the same religious level as he is. It's best that you just come out with your secret already. Tell him the truth.
I can't say if he'll still stick around after that, even though he immensely loves you. For some people, their love for their religion is higher than their mortal love for another person. Some people prefer their mortal love to be shared equally with their god, as one perfect family. But you can't offer that. You both can't give each other what you want out of each other.
I hope you find what you want. Good luck.
I am going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend and I broke up last Thursday because I couldn't bear living a lie for any longer. He is an amazing man- successful, intelligent, sensitive, religious, and he stands up for his convictions instead of being bullied into submission by society. We were planning to get engaged at Christmas, just so you know how much I loved him. He was so good for me, and grounded me in a way no man ever has.
I've never been religious, but aware that he wanted to marry a Godly woman, I went to church with him every Sunday. I loved hearing the pastor talk about how amazing accepting God is for your soul. I tried believing, I wanted so badly to be filled with God's love and be at peace. But I broke down...literally broke down... after months of stressing about my lack of faith, worried I would act in a way that would clue my boyfriend in to my true feelings. I admitted to him I did not believe in the Bible and didn't know if a God existed.
He was furious... Angry at being lied to, angry at falling in love with someone who didn't even exist. I felt guilty, relieved that the truth had come out, and scared I was losing the best thing in my life.
We aren't together anymore, and that makes me sad of course, but I know I couldn't live a lie any longer. Had we gotten married, it would have been a few months before the blush wore off the romance and the truth would have come out. I am now more at peace than I have been in the past few months.
I made the right decision. You should too. Tell him, be honest, and if he wants to be with you then you know it's true love. If not, be grateful you know now that he didn't love you for who you are and move on.
Good luck Doll, and remember: refuse to be assimilated.
never change your beielifs for anyone you have just as much right as him to beleive in anything you want weather it be in god, or in nothing he should understand that love should be keeping you together, not forced faith if he cant accept you for who you are and accept you for your beleifs then it really doenst sound like he would respect you at all if he knew you didnt beleive in god as much as him and you need to any honest with him tell him how you really feel you should have to feel forced to beleive in something you dont want to, just to stay together ...thats not what love is if he cant undertsand and accept you for your own beleifs, how can he expect you to respect his either sit down, have a talk with him about all this and how its making you really feel and dont change your beleifs if you know in your heart you dont beleive it would you rather be with someone who respects your beleifs or in a relationship knowing that its all based on a lie if he really loves you he should love you no matter what you beleive in...without having to try to change it
I've never been where you are so I honestly can't answer this, but I do have a friend who went through the same sort of thing. She's korean, he's I believe Conservative Jewish (could be orthodox, well the strict ones anyhow) so she came here on the assumption she would convert and they would get properly married. So 5 years with a very stict diet, jumping through hoops to get through to rabbis, going to temple, keeping saabath, taking buses 3 hours a day just so they could live close enough to walk to the temple on saturdays, and well a couple of months ago she said that was it. She didnt believe, she had tried her best but she couldnt do it. She honestly thought he was going to divorce her. But he didnt... When it came down it, she was more important than what he wanted her to be... And that's what you need to figure out... Is it more important that he have a religious wife, or you? And if it's the religious wife, well then you're better off without him. No one should place conditions on a person they love being something they're not...
have you ever thought about about asking God into your life? and yes, it is true the Bible was written by man, but God told them what to write by the Holy Spirit, God is not just here (well, in Heaven) to comfort those who feel lost. and be honest and get saved then tell him that you werent a Christian at first, but you are now and you are willing to learn evrything.
heres ho wto become a Christian, First, the Bible says to confess with your mouth and say, Jesus, I want to be a Christian, and you died for all of my sins, come into my life, cleanse me from all wrong, open my eyes to Your Word, and I will follow you Thank you fpor saving me and making me a Christian.
Now that you have done this, and believe in all your heart that you are a Christian now start reading the Bible and I advise you to start reading the Bible, start reading in John. go to church with your fiance and get involved, good luck!!!
have you ever thought about about asking God into your life? and yes, it is true the Bible was written by man, but God told them what to write by the Holy Spirit, God is not just here (well, in Heaven) to comfort those who feel lost. and be honest and get saved then tell him that you werent a Christian at first, but you are now and you are willing to learn evrything.
heres ho wto become a Christian, First, the Bible says to confess with your mouth and say, Jesus, I want to be a Christian, and you died for all of my sins, come into my life, cleanse me from all wrong, open my eyes to Your Word, and I will follow you Thank you fpor saving me and making me a Christian.
Now that you have done this, and believe in all your heart that you are a Christian now start reading the Bible and I advise you to start reading the Bible, start reading in John. go to church with your fiance and get involved, good luck!!!
You should no change your views on the world just because of some man. Though he mat seem like the best for you right now, if he cannot accept you for who you are then he is not & you will wind up more confused & even miserable trying to be somethingthat you are not. Don't lie to yourself, you'll wind up loosing who you are, & once that happens it takes awhile of self relization & such to get yourself back. Tell his straight up what you believe in & what you are & then tell him(don't leave this out) if he cannot accept you for who you are than he is not the man for you. Even though he says he might love who, that is a lie if he cannot accept you, he would love you for who he sees you are, not for who you really are. & you need to tell him soon. The sooner the better.
dont change your vews to make someone else happy, youll sacrifice you own happiness. I share some of the same viwes on the bible as you clame to. and im sorry he would put a 2000year old book with no proof of its varity before you. Im glad you found someone that loves you the way you say he dose but if you change your faith just for him you realy dont change your faith and will find your self dreading Sundays. Iot wont be easy but it will be easer to deal with it now than 5 years later. Theres nothing wrong with to people with diff. beliefs to be together. I'm Wiccan and my wifes Atheist and we have never agured about religion. As for our daughter I will explain and letr her find her own beliefes
Listen to Ty, she's got a real life experience under her belt, observing what a friend went thru, is almost as good as going thru it, yourself...5 years is a long time, to try to fullfill someone else's expections...leaving a person feeling pretty defeated when they are unable to fill the shoes set before them.
Tho it's true that "opposites attrack"...the glue that holds most relationships together is "sameness"...in values, interests, and views of the future.
p
You're a skeptic. That's good. Don't go out of your way to stop being skeptical about the world around you.
Ultimately, you need to find out if what you believe is so important to him that your relationship is at stake. If it is, you need to figure out if someone who insists you believe the same thing as them is the right person for you, and if you're prepared to convince yourself to believe something you don't think is true - or live a lie - for that.
Do not change or pretend to change in order to keep him...
Do...open your mind and see if there is something you can learn...your mind is a seive. Take what you want, and leave the rest...He is in your life for a reason, and (at least for me), I've learned something from every person who has passed through my life...
Never miss an opportunity to know something you didn't know before.
p
You need to talk to him. As long as he's not an evangelical, it'll probably be possible for him to keep his religion private - that is unless/until you have kids.
If he's evangelical, yikes! Run for your life.
There's an excellent movie out this weekend that's about relationships called "Fireproof" - the trailer video: http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/
You've got a good man there - it's up to you to be honest with him.
