Which do you choose? I got 'whoopins' lol!
I like the phrase 'consequences'. The reading I've done says that children need to learn that actions have consequences, and the consequences are best kept related to the actions (as in real life). So in real adult life, if I stay in bed every day I end up loosing my job. The consequence isn't a punishment, it's just what happens. A child needs to know that if she's rude to her parents, the consequence is that she leaves her parents' presence and has to spend time out away from all the fun, or whatever. A smack could be a consequence, but it's not likely to be the best one most of the time, as it's not got much to do with the thing she did wrong.
In my sons' lives this has meant that if they 'steal' extra time on their Nintendo DS they get no game time the following day, or if they get up late for school they miss the chance to get a ride there, and get in trouble for being late. I think that's taught them a lot more about being responsible for their own actions. The key thing is that the parent doesn't get angry and wind up the kid, but just sets the consequence in motion and sympathises with the inevitable consequence of the action. The kid has no one to get upset with but himself - instead of 'mummy is mean' it's: 'I wish I had done that differently'.
My kids all normally get time outs. Of course they are only 6, 5, & 3. Spankings for them mean it's ok to hit. Not relly a good thing to teach your kids. My oldest has just started having things taken from him (which he hates) but time outs work really well for my 3 year old. She cries when she has to leave the room and you would think that you broke her heart. I have to agree though with flossheal. What she said would work for kids that are a litlle older than mine. I'll have to start trying that with my oldest.
Theres really nothing wrong with either one, as long as you dont TRY to hurt the child. If they need to be taught a lesson, give them a warning and then if they dont respond, maybe a light slap to the butt and a five minute time out. But htat kinda depends on what they did. I have a LOT of brothers and sisters. We know things
Timeouts- while I'm not completely adverse to a smack (I got them, and I turned out okay, and I've seen loads of parents who will occasionally give their kids a short sharp smack, and the kids aren't beaten or abused), I find timeouts are often a good alternative, and give a child a moment to think about what they've done.
I don't believe in spanking a child. There is enough violence in the world, I wanted my child to feel completely safe at home. I figured that as a mother if I couldn't come up with a better punishment than striking my child, I had no business being a parent. I like what flossheal said about 'consequences".
Time outs wouldnt have really worked with me, I didnt love tv or games and I spent a lot of time in my room anyways... the only way to punish me would have been taking away my books (and who wants to punish their kid by saying dont read?) so I'm going with a smack when necessary...
if worse comes to worse...a TAP on the butt gets the point across not spankings though...thats harsh... I got what most would call 'spankings' when I was younger and all it did was make me get mad and it didnt teach me anything...
Timeouts are preferable to me though I usually end up serving them after being soundly and bare bottomed spanked lol in the form of corner time. Sometimes a young man needs to learn his lessons the hard way.
Timeouts. I've had very painful and sad experiences with spankings (even when I never did anything wrong). But if I had to, I'd also use consequences, like someone else has mentioned.
I never got time outs. I never got spankings. I never got whoopings.
I got full fledged Beatings. >_<
A little bit of both never hurt anyone. I say a pop on the bottom or hand and send them off to time-out.
I've been told parents suspect of you doing wrong when you feel you get spanked 4 no reason :)
I feel ya crazy_chick88! They probably made you a good person & they didn't kill ya!
Probably a little bit of both.