I think it is okay- I just want opinions from you people
The good advice I've recently discovered is that NO DISCIPLINE should be carried out in anger. This goes just as much for 'time out', 'grounding' etc, as for spanking. When a parent is furious with their child, they make punishments to make the child miserable, and turn the child away from caring about what they did. The child becomes angry with the parent, instead of sorry for what they did. If you add anger to spanking, then you have a real danger of hurting the child instead of making them see the error of their ways.
The whole idea of discipline is to help the child to learn to cope in the real world, growing their own self-discipline. So, learning the real consequences of bad actions will teach them much more than anger and blame.
It's hard to get into the habit. First of all, the children need to know where the boundaries are - what kind of things are OK and what things have consequences. As far as possible, they need to know what the consequences are in advance e.g. 'We need to get ready for school by 8.20 - if you're later than that you miss the ride and have to walk. If you walk at that time you'll be late'. (It differers for different ages, of course - this is just one we're working on at home at the moment!)
Once everyone knows the deal, and the consequences if the deal is broken, then the parent can put that consequence into action without getting angry (or that's the theory, anyway!) The child can reflect on the consequences of their own action, instead of getting angry with the parent for springing a totally unpredictable punishment on them.
So is spanking a part of this? I think it can be, so long, as I said, that it's not in anger. If you say to a small child 'I'll smack your hand if you try to touch the stove top again', then you do that, I think it's OK unless you can think of another, more effective consequence. Older children can respond much better to discussion, reasoning and deferred consequences, such as removing privileges. And as they reach puberty, spanking is very inappropriate 'out of respect to their bodies', as I read somewhere.
So for me, spanking can be OK, on those terms, but not as it's often done.
And remember that I'm someone who likes the idea of everything I've just said, but I haven't got it all right yet!
It has to be in a context of willful disobedience, with a child who is old enough to know that they are defying mom or dad, and done without anger... matter-of-factly... after clearly defining the parameters, and followed up with loving reasurance.
For example...
You tell your six-year-old specifically not to do something that is bad, wrong, or hurtful (this must be reasonable and not arbitrary), and that if they do that thing (which would be in defiance to your command) then they will be punished. Then, when they do that thing (on purpose), you calmly say, "Mommy told you not to do that, and that if you did you would be punished, and you did it anyway. So, now, Mommy has to spank you." at which time you administer a stinging swat. Give them a moment to cry, and then hold and love on him and tell him that you love him and that is why you must teach and correct him.
Three notes. 1> This is way simplified. 2> If your four-year-old is beyond your control, what are you going to do when your child is 14 and totally lost to your wishes? 3> A friend of mine was a jail chaplain. On his first visit with new inmates, his first question was, "Why did you decide to go to jail?" because they knew that if they broke the law, they would likely go to jail, and they did it anyway.
Well, I am a parent of three children. If I have learned anything about parenting and children, I have learned that it is very important to discipline a child.
Each child is different. You may have one child who doesnt require a spanking before he or she will listen. On the other hand, you may have that one who doesn't respond to discipline UNLESS he or she is spanked. So as a parent of YOUR children, you have to be the judge of that. I don't think there is ONE parent on the face of this earth who has the precise answer on parenting.
Just remember this, if you decide to spank your child. ...don't spank while you are angry, explain before and afterwards why you had to resort to spanking, and don't let that be your ONLY tool of discipline...Infact, it should be your very last resort.
Spanking too much and too often can cause the child to build up a resistant, and become defiant and resentful.
Now, I'm no professional by degree...but I have over 17 years of experience.
Good Luck to you!
Ok, I didn't read everyone's answer but here's mine. I was spanked as a child when I did something VERY BAD. Like when I spray painted the neighbor's car. It didn't kill me or make me hate my parents. It was a light tap after I had been sent to my room for a half hour so my parents could calm down BEFORE spanking me. However, I run a daycare and I obviously cannot spank those children, ages 1-3. I put my hand on there arm, not grab them, get down to their level and explain what they did and why it was wrong and then put them in the naughty chair. They sit there for 1 minute for every year they're on this earth, ie 1 year olds sit for 1 minute. Then I explain again what they did and why it was wrong and tell them if they do it again they'll sit again. I have yet to ever have a "repeat offender." I think that spanking is NOT wrong as long as it is your own child and it never leaves a mark on the child. Hope I helped!
okay im 18 just recently I turned 18. I believe in displine even my own mother said im going to be a mean mother. but yes I believe in spanking your children. you have to show them that w/e they do has a consecense even if that means with using pain.just odnt ovr do it. I grew up in an abusive family my dad of course. ikno wuts consider reasonable punishment and whats not. spanking totally find and if they have a mouth on them say a teenager I go pop to the mouth will shut them up. just dont tak full anger out on a child. displine them but dont abuse and people that are stupid saying never spank your children thats horrible your full of it. and later on your children will walk all over you!
I agree with whudafxkcup, even though I don't understand their name. I think a light spanking is sometimes called for, but only after explaining what they did wrong. I guess you could alternatively send them to a 'naughty chair' if you really don't want to spank them. I just moved out from my mother's house, with her concent because we have a good relationship. I was only spanked about three times during my entire childhood. light ones, but still. all three times were very much deserved though. hope this helped a little bit maybe you could watch super nanny on abc, great show, especially concerning deciplin
I think spanking is okay for your own kids. I would never spank anyone else's nor would I allow anyone to spank mine. If they need it, I do it myself. I do feel strongly about using implements to spank with like a belt or paddle etc. I do not agree with that all, you never know how hard you are hitting. An open hand on a bare butt is most effective and controllable. I have found that once you follow through with the threat of a spanking a couple times the threat becomes enough to rectify the problem behavior. As long as they know that you are not just blowing smoke, you can make your point with having to spank.
can I tell you a story.. my 8 month old girl keeps grabbing the kittens tail and pull sit hard and the kitten yelps and run out. I am tryign to get my daughter to respect animals and tell her NO at first, after the second time, I say No again and explain to het, pat softly etc. Then she does it again..on purpose and I smack her hand and she pauses..looks at me and doe sit ONCE AGAIN. Thats when I picke dher up and gave her a smack on her bum, Her first one ever, do you know what she did?? she looked at me and smiled..??? So I took her away from the cat and Im still puzzled.
depends on the child and if the spanking is appropriate. I was spanked and turned out to be a well adjusted, happily married college graduate with multiple degrees. I didn't view my spankings as abuse. I almost think that they are one reason that I didn't get into a lot of trouble as a child, if my parents would have grounded me or used other forms of punishment, I would of laughed. However, my younger sister never had to be spanked, my parents just sat her down and talked to her and that seemed to be the only thing she needed.
I have a strict view on this matter, and although it sounds horrible, it's quite fare, I'd treat my kid similar to that of how I treat my dog in appropriate situations. I only smack her when I CATCH her doing something REALY bad. If I didn't catch her, but I know she did it, I take her over to the "bad thing" and say no, or in a kids circumstaces, I'd explain what's bad. If I catch them doing something bad, but it's not really bad, I'd give them a mina punishment relevent to the situation.
Its good and if I can say so its fair for them,there is only one thing that I know you cant just spank your child if she/he done nothing wrong unless you sick upstairs,and if you have raised your children very well they would know the difference between abuse and punishment all I can say every parent have their own ways of disciplining their kids but as for me my parents raised me very well spanking me ofcourse only if I've done wrong and they never abused me for God's sake.
I think that a few spankings on the hand or on the behind nott too hard to leave a bruise is okay. However, they should be very rare because all hitting really does is instill fear in the minds of children. The last thing you really want is your child to fear you, and not have a comfortable realationship with you. You should never hit on the face though, a smack in the face is disrespectful and uncalled for to anybody, even a child.
NO im a kid and I can tell you it just makes me angry so I do more things, I think confiscating thing like mp4s or compters or time with tv this is better as we have to find other things to do and have to earn our way back to get our things back. in a way you r teaching your child that violence is the anser wich it is not. hope a veiw from a chlid helped! :)
NO im a kid and I can tell you it just makes me angry so I do more things, I think confiscating thing like mp4s or compters or time with tv this is better as we have to find other things to do and have to earn our way back to get our things back. in a way you r teaching your child that violence is the anser wich it is not. hope a veiw from a chlid helped! :)
Spanking is no more effective than any other kind of discipline. Parents who spank should not spank their children above the age 8. At that time other ways of discipline work better. I personally would not spank my children. I feel like there are calmer and more civil ways to raise children than smacking their backsides. It seems very weird to me.
Yes, spanking your kids is okay if you do it in a reasonable, controlled way. My mom used a spanking stick (rod of correction) on my bare backside when I acted up. It hurt, but I never was afraid mom was going to lose control and beat the daylights out of me. It worked in our house, and I've seen it work for other families.
When I was little after my 1st spanking my bro and I came downstairs and had our parent sit down any told them that they coulndt spank us. We informed them if it isn't okay for us to hit people why sh9ould it be okay for them to hit us. My parents never spanked us again. I was 4 my bro 6. I still think what we said was tight
this is my opinion I say YES spank kids when they do something bad or talk back yea spank their asses but if your spankin them for every lil thing then no but I think parents shud kick their kids asses and adults over 35 didnt your mother or father spank you and didnt you turn out ok
personally I would say No. I think that as long as you make them understand what they did is wrong there is no need for violence or shouting. it could get out of hand and it cud make your child violent in the future.
personally, I would say no.
a little soft spank every once in while is okay for some people, but if you're doing it to the point your child cries in pain then it is obviously NOT ok.
No I do not. If they misbehave then ground them from what they like doing, playstation, xbox ,tv, phone, ect... It worked will all 3 of my kids and I never needed to spank them
very rarely for something really bad yeah... not hard tho, just hard enough to let them know that it's not right (whatever they did)
no I thought spanking was never the answer but thats just my oppinion maybe timeout or somethign but spanking is like child abbuse
no its not!! my parents always smacked me so now I've moved out and hate them now becasue of what they did to me
Chemo Tink x
I don't agree with it at all...as much as my kids frustrate me, I don't think physical violence will make them behave any better.
Another thing: Never spank a child on their bare backside. That just causes humiliation and resentment from the child.
a tap on the butt gets the point across a tip: DONT do it when you are angry at something
sometimes a smack on the butt is ok but not no hard lo make them cry
it works on some kids but not others so I say if it work it works
NO I M A KID ANT IT HURTS PEAPLE.
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