I wrote a poem for my son. I'd like some constructive criticism on how to make it flow 'better' because I fully intend to transfer it onto a plaque in his nursery with a decoupaged photo of he and I sleeping. I know it's not the best thing ever written, but I'm not the best writer, and hold no unrealistic expectations of it ever being published. I'm sure he'll like it for a while, and then I'll hold onto it and maybe he'll want it when he has his own babies. Who knows. :) But please, what do you think? What can I reword, or change, or add even?
My sweet baby boy So fresh and warm and new As tiny as a whisper All wrapped up in blue.
A most precious gift With tiny hands and feet A life path unfolding With each rhythmic heartbeat
Sleep sweet my darling Spencer The morning light draws nigh How I enjoy these secret hours As I hear your contented sigh
Your dreams are there collecting Waiting for a later day You'll find that when you seek them They'll eagerly come your way
Time flies by so swiftly A tiny babe you'll be no more Infancy fades to toddler-hood Washed away as the sands of the shore
For now you are still little Curled up against my heart The day will come too quickly Our safe nest you will depart
Out into the world you'll go Do the best you can hope to do Always remember the way back home I'll be there waiting for you
Go forward in His glory In every thing you do Keep a strong moral compass And to thine own heart be true
Viviana, Thank you very much. I'm glad you like the formatting- I was afraid it was a little too... childish (for lack of a better word...). If you don't think you do now, one day you will have someone out there who does love you this much. <3
Kennyblaze, Thanks. I appreciate it.
Peace_baby, Thank you for the compliment about the poem, and even more about my parenting. I love him to death; he's my whole world.
evieloveshistoryx, That had occurred to me to do as well. I may keep the plaque for myself, and give HIM the poem when he's 20 and old enough to 'get it'.
THIS IS VERY TOUCHING! MADE MY HEART MELT... IM EXPECTING A BABY BOY IN 10 DAYS!! YOU DEFINETLY HAVE TALENT AS A POET... YOUR SON IS GONNA LOVE THIS WHEN HE IS BIG ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND IT.!!! THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL GIFT TO HIM.. NOW IF YOU GO TO WWW.LOVEPOETRY.COM AND SUBMIT THIS THEY WILL PUBLISH IT IN A BOOK FOR YOU.. I HAVE HAD 3 DONE THIS WAY.. THEN YOU CAN PURCHASE THE BOOK AND HAVE IT FOREVER AND TO SHOW ALL!! GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS ON your BABY!!
Thank you scunningham! What an excellent suggestion! I am definitely going to do that. :)
Good luck with labor and delivery. Congratulations on your bundle of wonder- baby boys are just the coolest and most precious thing a Mommy could ever hope to snuggle. (I'm sure a mom of girls would say the same thing about them, but I don't have a girl, I have a boy, lol)
This poem is great! It has very good speling and the meaning of it can really be trasfered! I Love the way is Formated and everything and I dont really think it needs more. This will be a tresure when he grows up. Believe me when you you dont have someone who loves you that much is nice to see people outhere do have it! :)
wow, I can't wait to be able to love another being as much as you I ONLY HOPE I AM HALF AS GOOD a mother as you
It is very beautiful dont change a thing! I really am touched by it, your son has a great mother.
I think its beautiful I wouldnt change anything! I am even going to put it in my poem journal
Write it up neat, keep it in a drawer until he's 20, then give it to him. :)
Aw, Missbellaf, that was so sweet. Thank you. :)
Thats a great poem! :3
