Parents divorcing

ok, probably the fundamental part is your dads drinking problem…it is probably the cause of his behaviour which has resulted in your mum not being prepared to accept it any longer…

your dad will probably go one of two ways, he’ll drink more and see you and your brother lees…he’ll have moments of sobriety where he wants to see you and believes that the answer to giving up his drinking is you kids…and he will probably try and win your mum back when he’s sober…and she may fall for it a couple of times, why woulnd’t she, we all live in hope??

or; he will completely stop drinking, get his life back on track and then your parents may argue..

regardless of your dads actions, none of this is you fault, his fault or anyones, it’s just life. be loyal to your mum, I’m a mum, but that’s not why I’m saying it. you can rely on her to be consistant, if your dad wants this ‘magical’ thing to happen once he’s stopped drinking, you have to let him know you would love to have him in your life as a respoinsible, reliable and caring person, but he has to prove himself to you.

when your dad moves out (I assume your staying with your mum) she may discover that there’s a world out there that she hasn’t been part of for a long time, if she does start going out more or she changes slightly, try not to begrudge her that, she’s been married a long time…just make sure you keep the channels of communication open!

it’s really good of you to ask this before they do split, so many ask after and it makes a lot of difference to be prepared…

just reassure your mum that you support her decision, she is probably experiancing grief, anger, loss and fear…going from ‘married’ to ‘divorced’ is difficult…just say to her you support what shes doing, and you hope that you can always talk to her…and vice versa…

don’t worry, you will be fine. just remember that 1)your mum is a women as well as your mum, and she’s probably frightened about this new path her life is taking.

2. your dad has issues, he has a drink problem, try looking into it, and it may help you to come to terms with his problem a bit better, moreover, how the alcohol affects his behaviour.
3. you’r bro is probably frightened too, the only male role model in his life is going, and by the sounds of it he wasn’t a great one, but never the less, he was his role model…try and talk to your bro. a lot of boys find it difficult to articulate how they’re feeling..
4. you, you shouldn’t feel torn between one or the other EVER! your mum may feel a little apprehensive about you seeing your dad, not just becuase of the drinking, but you’ve probably been her life for a long time, and a parent is always frightened a child will ‘choose the other’…just make sure you give your mum lots of kisses and hugs and reassure her that she’s doing well…

good luck, you’ll be fine, but the most important thing is making sure you and your mum and bro keep talking, bottled feelings are like a shaken bottle, they tend to explode if the pressures not released!! :)

my parents are divorced I used to think it was my fault until I realized their relationship to eachother was different from mines although they might never be in eachother’s life they could be in mines

since your dad hasn’t really been there, it wouldn’t feel different just think about your mom’s feelings and how your mom has always been there be there for your mom and brother during this life changing time who knows probably your dad will change once he realizing he is putting his drinking before his family

my mum and dad are getting devorised aswell.

dont take it the wrong way like I am.

13 and iam smoking and drinking dont do that..x

I think its my fault that my parents are spliting up cause he hit me and that is why we are moving away…x

tell me how it works out..x

dont trip about it I went through the same thing but mai parents are now divorced an they have been for 8 years an yah not all end the same though an it doesnt feel real when its happening but if it does you will get adapted to it an things will work out the way it does=]

a lot happens. first comes the arguments and manipulations. Then usually they fight over who has primary custody of the children… and the kids get stuck in the middle. (manipulation is a common occurrence here. Then theres the rebound partners… many Then there’s the serious guy/girl they go out with… Usually only one parent keeps a partner. (most likely your mum, since your dads the alcho.) But in the end it’s worth it, because everyone finally gets along and it gradually get more stable as time goes on. Just brace for early turbulence!

Good Luck

thanks.. the whole “children” thing is over since I’m 22 and don’t live at home and my brother graduates high school this year.. that’s why I don’t know what to expect because I don’t know many people whose parents divorced after they had “grown up” and moved out.. they’ve been married for over 25 years so I don’t know how they’re going to do without my brother or me there once it happens

Well, it depends on how the situation is. Does your mom get along with him? still love him? fight physically, or otherwise. If she doesnt get along with him, and doesnt love him, then she should be fine. and it might help you, and if you are okay, when it happens and show it she might, feeel better.

If she does get along with him,and still loves him then it may be tougher. she might cry, and it could be painful to see that.

So just try to be optimistic in ways, and be there for her. Sorrry about there divorce and I hope I helped.

im 10 and there divorced dont take it the wrong way my daddy lives in ireland I live in america with my mom it will turn out fine