Can a parent help to control and discipline a child even if they live in separate homes?

I am going through the legal process to get full custody of my children. However, for my oldest he is with his grandparents(fathers parents) most times and now the grandmother calls and says he is not obeying and leaving the house for hours. Is there anything I can do as a parent other than talking to help this situation?

Answer #1

This is a tough situation. Obviously you both need to be on the same team regarding discipline, but when the child is in his grandmother’s home, she is the one who needs to enforce the rules. That’s not to say that you can’t enforce a punishment, such as grounding, or taking away video games for bad behaviour when he was at his grandmother’s house. Once he knows that you are working together, he’ll know there will be no relief unless he starts behaving.

Answer #2

It so difficult to be on the same team with his dad. It has gotten very far and extreme to the point that I have a protection order against him. The way his grand mom describes his behavior there is completely opposite to what I get when he is at my house on weekends. She wants me to help because she says she can’t talk to the father who is her son. My hands are tied, since I can’t be there during the week. It is such a sensitive situation and he is 10 so very easy to be influenced by bad company.

Answer #3

I agree, this is bad…make sure you’re keeping notes on this so you can use it to your advantage in court…if your child’s father is proving to be an insufficient role model, that’s better for you

Answer #4

I am . I started keeping a diary for the next court date..

Answer #5

Its hard, but preaching good morals and values so that the child can “do the right thing” is very effective. This is what you have been doing so far and even if they don’t do the right thing, at least they would be aware of it and the conscience can be the parent when you are not around and they will eventually discipline themselves by avoiding the same situation twice.

Answer #6

Avian, how old is your oldest boy?

Answer #7

Oh, he’s the beautiful 10-year-old in your photos, right?

Have you tried talking with him yet about what’s going on at his grandparents’ home and why he’s giving them a hard time and leaving so much?

Answer #8

Yes, We have tried. He just says his grand mom likes to quarrel too much. The truth is that he is left unattended a lot of times while his dad is at work. Yes he is 10 and is the one in the photos

Answer #9

From what you’ve said, it sounds to me like the main problem is that your son’s grand mom expects him to stay home and behave well even though she’s leaving him unattended there. That’s a lot to ask from a 10-year-old child - especially one who’s struggling with the break-up of his parents, neither of whom gets to spend much time with him. Why is he unattended? Are there any other supervised activities he could participate in during some of that time, like sports, music, or after-school learning programs?

Answer #10

There are lots but because he is with his father during the week, unfortunately I do not have any say about what goes on there. His grand mom lives upstairs in a house and he his dad and my daughter are downstairs. The father has stopped him from going up to the grand mother so that is why he is alone. It is like he has to be an adult there. Poor guy! According to the courts, I have them on weekends until the custody hearing which is when I try to let them actually be children and send him to extra lessons etc..

Answer #11

Does dad, or anyone, know where your son goes or what he does when he goes out on his own? Have you asked your son about it?

His dad sounds like a real charmer (NOT!). Can you communicate with your ex at all? Maybe through his mom, or a mutual friend, or his lawyer? Does he know that his son leaves home for hours by himself? Do you think he might agree to let his son participate in some activities if you help pay for it?

Good luck at the custody hearing.

Answer #12

I have tried communicating through his mom, but he does not even speak to her. You’re right he’s a real Gem…lmao..No he would never agree, he’s just using those poor children to get back at me.. I cannot speak to him directly because of the restraining order I have against him..Thanks.. I need all the luck I can get now

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