Does anyone else have such strict and controlling parents?

I was born & raised in the US, but my parents were from India. My father was very strict, verbally & physically abusive, controlling, antisocial, and possessive. I was under his rule until age 21 when I finally got up the nerve to stand up to him. Though I’m happily married and 36 years old now, I still get bouts of depression thinking about the shame of my upbringing, which I never shared with friends. I couldn’t do any of the following: stay out past 9 pm go to any dances, even prom talk to boys go out of town with friends take the wheel when our family went out of town

Even in college, I had to hide everything I did from my dad (I was 500 miles away). When I came home on school breaks, it was in by 9 pm. I could never have done study abroad or even go visit a college friend at her own home, since I ‘belonged’ to my family, and should want to be with them, not my friends. I could never go on vacation w/friends. I wasn’t supposed to ever be on the road outside of town with college ‘kids’ behind the wheel, since driving was so dangerous.

Before anyone tells me to get therapy, I’ve tried, and no therapist has been helpful. I’ve signed on with a new one who may be of some help, but part of my problem is that I feel very alone in my situation, and feel a lot of shame for having gone through this. I am wondering if there is anyone else out there who did go through something like this. I’ve heard of parents being controlling with high school kids, but my dad saw me as a child, and under his control even when I was in college.

I lived my life some in college when he wasn’t looking, but it was all hidden from him. When I went back home for school breaks, it was back to his rules. I never tried standing up to him or talking to him for fear that he’d take it out in violence on my mother and sister. (He was mentally ill, which was obvious to anyone who saw him, but he refused to get help. He was too traditional, and didn’t believe in it.)

He also listened in on our phone calls and read our mail. He’d just barge into our rooms without knocking. If you dared to contradict him, or ask him politely not to do something, it could result in an explosive blast of temper, possibly violence.

If you have been in this situation as a young adult, I’d like to hear your story.

Answer #1

im sorry I cant relate myself but I do have a friend that is 18 and her mom is white single mom with 2 daughters one 18 and 16 and she is very controlling of both of them they never get to go out they have to go home right after school and they could never have visits at home and their mom wont allow her girls to work until after she is 21 and never really gets money for anything is, basically very pampered but they know nothing of the real world besides being in school the mom also is controlling and says they have to stay with her until they are 21 then they can basically go on their own the mom also stalks her daughter at school to make sure they are following rules I’ve seen them on school school campus peeking on her children they have tried to get therpy but of course like you said it didnt help them much either I seriously think there should be a law on these kind of things…

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