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My past is a very grizzly past, and I've tried to cover it up since I met my girlfriend. Now I'm being stalked by one of the ex-girlfriend's that I tried to get away from. She's back, and I have been telling my girlfriend that she's not trying to contact me anymore. The truth is, she has been trying all the time!! The problem is that now my girlfriend found out about it, and she said, if I ever lie to her again that I will never hear from her again. I have told many little lies, to cover up my past, and I kind of feel that maybe she is overreacting. I can see from her point of view that she would feel that I am hiding something about my ex-girlfriend from her, and she has the right to be suspicious, but if she doesn't trust me, then how can I get her to believe me when I tell her what I've told everyone here. I know I shouldn't lie, but, I thought it would help me move on...now I'm scared of losing my girlfriend, and I will NEVER lie to her again, but what if it's too late? What can I do? I love her so much and she's the only one I ever want to be with.
It's hard to make someone trust you when you are lying to them. The question is how can she trust you if you keep lying? Your girlfriend has every right to feel that she has been somewhat betrayed by your actions. As you have found out for yourself, lying even with the best of intentions can break or damage the trust that someone has given to you. I'm not saying that you have to tell her everything about your past because we all have the right to our little secrets and sometimes too much information, especialy about something that we ourselves don't understand, can cause more pain then needed. The point is, she trusts and loves you therefore needs to be reassured that you trust and love her back which means you will have to learn to open up to her and explain why you've kept certain things secret. Afterall, she has the right to know what made you the man she loves and telling her about yourself will help her to understand you. It is never too late to be honest. I suggest sincerely talking to her and explaining to her why you lied about your ex-grilfriend. I also suggest you learn to open up to her and explain that you've had a grizzly past that isn't easy for you to share. You should especialy tell her the truth about things that she might eventualy find out about (i.e.: stalking ex-girlfriends!) that way she doesn't feel betrayed or unconfortably put on the spot by something she never knew about you. Building a trusting relationship takes a lot of work and time. Take it one step at a time. Think about things throroughly before discussing them, learn to choose your words and always explain your love to her. One can not erase one's past but with time we learn to see it in a different perspective as well as understand and accept it. Use the past to build a better future and remember it's normal to be scared of loosing those we love but giving into that fear will most definitly push them away. Learn to trust her too.
She has every right not to trust you because she's probably caught on that you've been telling little lies- only way to get back on track is to tell her how much you love her and tell her that if she wants to know it all, you will tell all. Explain to her why you lied, that you know it's no excuse, and you made a mistake but you'll learn from it. You have to divulge everything to her that you've been keeping because if you truly do love her, you shouldn't be uncomfortable telling her these things. If the relationship wasn't that serious, it might be okay to stay away from your past for a while, but if she loves you she will stick by you regardless of your past. Just make sure you don't lie in the future.
Oh to make it clear why I lied to my girlfriend about my ex stalking me, the main reason was because I didn't want to stress her out. I just wanted to start a new life with my girlfriend and drop my past. While I don't know exactly what to do, I advise anyone not to lie, no matter how small they are. They'll always catch up with you. I can't sort this out peacefully between all 3 of us, as my ex-girlfriend IS a criminal, and very violent.
Thanks :( I agree with everyone here. Some things I will always have to hide, for legal reasons. Everything else, I can tell her, bit by bit. I can't afford to overwhelm her right now with everything. I'll be trying to put my mistakes right over the next few weeks.
1/ Never say ever :) 2/ Arrange a meeting for you and the 2 girls and tell them, ok, I had some little lies because I thought I had to, but now you 2 can ask me what you want.
