I'm at a lost! My boyfriend constantly accuses me of cheating and I'm not, never have, and do even think about it because I love him and want only him. I haven't even came close to cheating, don't talk to other men, and again I don't want anyone else. He actually convinces himself that things are happening and they aren't. When he's not being consumed with these crazy notions, he is the most loving, caring, sharing men I've ever known. But once he convinces himself that I'm seeing someone else, he changes to the most distant and mean person that won't listen to reason until he cools off. He breaks up with me, or I don't hear from him for a week, he won't even answer his phone. We've been dating for 2 years and when he's not acting up we have a very close and loving relationship. And as far as I can tell, he's not seeing anyone else. I fear that it is time to really end the madness. What should I do? Is there help for a person like this?
i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now..living together for the last 3 of them..and during the past 3 years and even before, he has suspected that i have cheated on him and am currently cheating on him, and have even lied about the number of past sexual partners (which is actually zero)..i am not cheating on him, and i don't want to..i know every relationship is different, and there may be something for someone to have suspicions like this..but i fell completely in love with him, would do anything for him..things were good, then things were okay for a while, but not the best, we both were a little distant from each other, we each were not sure of the other's feelings..then things seemed to get better..then came the suspicions, then the accussations, then the complete off-the-wall crazy accusations about men i worked with, his friends, his brothers, random men at places we shop..then the horrible, horrible name-calling..it has progressiviely become worse and worse..it has turned me into a person i don't like, full of so much frustration and fear and anger and solitude..sometimes things are good, and when they're good, they're really good..but when they're bad, it's ugly..really ugly..i had hopes and desires of a future with this person..marriage, family, fulfilling our dreams together..but all the good and hopes are overshadowed by all the negativity and mistrust and they way it makes us both feel..i don't know where his ideas and suspicisons are coming from..it seems like everything i do has to be picked apart by him and analyzed and suspicions are found in everything..my advice to anyone going through a similar situation in a relationship of 1,2,3 years is stay with the person if you want to keep feeling the way you are and probably keep feeling even worse as times goes..i think it is becoming more and more clear by my experience and from what i've read here that if you're in a situation like this, then your partner not only does not know you, but he also does not see you as the person that you are and so the two of you just should not be together..even if you don't belive in fate and people being "meant for each other" you can still observe when two people should just plain not be together..i know it's hard when we have such strong hopes and feelings, but we all must face the truth and come to reality
WOW...IMMA DUDE 23 AND I ACCUSE MY GIRL OF CHEATING LIKE ALL THE TIME...SHE SAYS SHE NEVER CHEATED ON ME IN OUR ALMOST 2 YEARS TOGETHER, SHE DONT PLAN TO, SHE WOULD LEAVE ME BEFORE SHE CHEAT!!! I ONLY ACCUSE HER WHEN HER BOOST "DONT WORKS"!!! ITS SO WACK/FRUSTRATING TO ME WHEN EVA I CALL HER AND IT GOES TO VOICEMAIL IF SHE TALKIN ON IT OR TEXTING! SHE SAY SOMETIMES TEXT WONT OPEN...OR SHE HAS TO RESTART IT ON ALL TYPES OF OTHA SHHHT I don't WANNAH HEAR...ITS BAD because I know SHE FEEL LIKE SHHH WHEN IM DONE TRIPPN ON HER...SHE ALWAYS HAS THE PERFECT EXCUSE AND THE WINDOW WHEN I WAITING TO TALK TO HER IS NEVER OVER BOUT 15MINS...I STILL TINK ITS POSSIBLE SHE COULDA BEEN CHEATING BUT AT THE SAME TIME I don't THINK SHE DO!! I WANT TO TRUST HER...don't know WHY I HAVE THESE TRUST ISSUES...SHE SWARE SHE WOULD NEVA CHEAT and I BELIEVE HER!! SOMETIMES WHEN I COO DOWN ILL B FINE...WEHN IM WITH HER I don't EVEN TINK BOUT IT!!! I B SOOO GUD WHEN IM WITH HER EVERYTHING IS GUD...SOON AS I LEAVE IF SHE DONT ANSWER I THINK SOMETHING IS UP and I don't know WHY I REALLY LOVE HER!! I don't know BOUT THE DUDES YALL TALKING BOUT BUT I WOULD NEVER WANNA LOOSE MY GIRL!!! I HATE TREATING HER SOO BAD and ITS THE ONLY TIME I EVER TRIP...SINCE DEN I don't TEXT HER AT WORK and OUTSIDE WORK IF SHE TEXT ME I WILL just CALL HER...IF THE CALL don't GO THRU I LEAVE HELLA VOICEMAILS...I TRY NOT TO TRIP BUT IF SHE TAKE TOOO LONG I START TRIPPN SAYING ALL TYPES OF CRAZY SHHHT I B TINKING...ITS CRAZY...I EVENTUALLY CALM DONW and I B GUD BUT THEN SHE SOOO UPSET and MAD and ITS just THE WORST!! FORTUNATE FA ME WE STILL TOGETHER, SHE STILL LOVES ME and I LLLOOOVVVEEE HER WITH EVERYTHING...I TRY MY BEST NOT TO TRIP because I WOULD HATE TO LOOSE HER!! and E WAY HOPE THIS HELPS...AS A DUDE I BEEN CHEATED ON AND I CHEATED and THE PAST I CAN HANDLE IF SHE TELL ME SHE CHEATS..I WOULD just LEAVE BUT ITS THE UNKNOWN THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY...N E WAY IM WORKING ON MY TRUST ISSUES...don't know WHY ITS SO HARD FOR ME and ALL DESE OTHER DUDES THAT HAVE WONDERFUL LADIES and THEIR LIFE...N E WAY IM DONE NOW...HOPE THIS HELPS SOMEONE!!! I probably WONT BE BACK ON DIS SITE...IF you REALLY LOVE HIM...TRY TO WORK IT OUT because HE probably A GUD DUDE that LOVE you and just HAVE ISSUES...ITS REALLY A MENTAL PROBLEM!!! IT REALLY IS!!!
at least there is others out there with the same problem. right now, the separation advice sounds like the best thing to do, however, we've been married for 10 months now and if he was just my boyfriend I would probably leave but now I want to make it work. we were fine but he is deployed to Iraq now and everytime we talk online he says that my behavior is "fishy" and im acting strange, that sometihng is not right, when all I do is sit at home, go to walmart, or take the dog out pretty much. it's just so frustrating and exhausting to justify everythign I do, and even though he is the one who makes me explain everything to him, he turns teh tables and says it's suspicious that I have to justify myself and that it can only mean I've done something wrong. and the problem is, when he is in one of those moods you can't reason with him, everything I say is wrong and just makes him more upset. and when he is upset enough he will just hang up on me or log off the messenger to avoid the problem and I end up sitting here, feeling like crap, over something that is really nothing at all. he gets those moods a lot but today he actually told me to forget all this ever happened, to take of teh rings and act like I never met him. kind of hard if you are married to that person and also I had to give up my life back home in germany just to be with him. and I tried the talking, telling him idont need anybody else and blah blah blah. his exwife cheated on him while he was in iraq, so his "logical" reasoning is that of course I will do teh same thing :( im so hurt and frustrated, all I can do is wait and see now if he was serious about splitting up or what and hope it will get better. I told him he should get counseling, im waiting for an answer. I told him I feel like he's callign me a slut, and he just says "I never said that" but just becasue you didnt use that word doesn't mean you didnt indirectly mean it.
My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and have a four year old daughter, he is exactly the same way. Accussing and sneaking around looking at my cell phone numbers and watching behind me while I am on the computer etc,,, I have never cheated on him and NEVER would. He is a great father and is everything I want in a partner and lover yet his trust issues are destroying everything. He has these delusions about who, what and when I have cheated on him, etc.. So much he lets it consume him and he starts to drink which just snowballs the issue. Last week he had one of his episodes and started drinking and I ultimately said to him, you need help with your not being able to trust, its destroying us. I asked him to leave and get help somewhere and I was done with him. For years I had been telling him to stop punishing me for the wrongs that were done to him by other people and that I loved him. Very long story short, he was soo distraught and admitted that he knew I was not unfaithful but confessed he couldnt help thinking that I was. He ended up committing himself to a mental health center for depression, trust and abandonement issues from his childhood, and dependent personality disorder. I love him and hope he can get the help he needs but years of defending my INTEGRITY is exhausting and I yearn for a normal life and a love that just isnt soo hard.I have prayed and prayed for guidance for our sake but mostly for the sake of our daughter who adores her DADDY, perhaps him getting help in this manner is an answer to our prayers. My advice to those of you who are in the early stages of dating these men is to address the issue early and see if it changes if not ,move on and pray they find the help they need.
Wow, sitting here at my wits end and I find these posts. I too, am dealing with a partner that I have been with over two years. Hes so perfect for me. I love everything about him. Except one thing. He refuses to believe that I love him and do not wish to be with anyone else. He makes things up in his own mind and truly believes it. I mean I have even pulled my phone records over the last six months to prove there has been no one else and he still just overlooks the obvious to believe the fictatious lies hes conjured up. Its almost like he enjoys the stress of hearing me pleed and explain every move I make. When really the only thing I really want is him. Its very sad to love someone that is so insecure of themselves that they ruin the entire relationship. I have proved my faithfullness over and over and over. He just doesnt care to believe the truth. He even follows me to the bathroom like some mysterious knight in shining armour will be in there to steal me away from the john. Really its embarassing, and humiliating to have to explain to my friends and family why I take him back every single time he blows up and disappears for days at a time with our car and money to teach me a lesson. And only the man above really knows what hes doing while hes out venting on my made up infidelities. But for love I keep trying, but when is enough - enough. He claims to love me so much he gaurds me, but in the same sentence tells me he will never be able to trust me. I wish there were a pill to take called "ridlove". Once a day tablet for five days to rid your life of unwanted love.
I hate to say it but it is probably never going to get any better. The foundation of a good relationship is trust, if you don't have it from both partners the relationship will eventually crumble. My sister is going through the exact same situation right now with her current boyfriend (the supposed "love of her life") and it infuriates me to no end. She is faithful to a fault. What he puts her through is emotionally abusive and unfair. Always having to defend your integrity and try to convince your significant other that you are not the village bicycle is draining, insulting, and after a while just down right sad. My sister loves this man (lord knows why) but he has a disease that is probably never going to get better. And she is not allowed the freedom of being herself anymore. She constantly has to watch what she says, who she talks about, who she looks at/talks to in public, how she smells and tastes, which is exhausting because he still always finds a way to accuse her. He is deluded. No one should have to pay for the mistakes of someone elses past and as much as you may love him, you should always love yourself more. The man is accusing you of being a liar and a slut. As ugly as that is to say it is true and it is unbelievably insulting because you are neither. He does not respect you, your independence as a human being, or your privacy, and that is a deal breaker. Find someone who will love and respect you without all the craziness. Stop the maddness and find some peace, your head, heart, and blood pressure will thank you.
It's crazy that I am going through the same thing. My best friend who happens to be a guy that is in a 7 year relationship of his own was one person I was accussed of cheating with, and other no name individuals I dont think I have met yet. My boyfriend made me aware of his trust issues as I made him aware of mine, so are agreement was to be patient with one another, moreso me exhibiting patience but I dont mind because I do care for him and I am a person of my word. But the past few months have been great we were getting along hanging out all the time, he even asked me to move in with him...of course I have my reservations for two reasons, we havent been together that long, and his flipping out and accussing me of cheating on him. But last night he just flipped out and broke up with me saying that I never cared for him b/c the entire time we were together I was fu**ing other guys which is not true but it just hurts a lot and I dont know how willing I will be to put up with this. I am a very loving and forgiving person but if these accusatory episodes continue on his part, after we talk yet again about this issue Im hitting the bricks, I refuse to be hurt anymore than I have, I cant imagine being hurt like this years down the line. So he better shape up or Im out...he wont have to worry about me cheating b/c I'll just be gone!
This is so interesting because i am also going through the same situation with my boyfriend. We've been together for almost a year now and it's just really getting out of control. I feel like I can't do anything right. I'll just be sitting at home and my cell phone will be in my room and i'll be somewhere else in the house and if i don't pick up or call him back within the next 20 minutes, it turns into a big issue. I love him so much and as someone else said before. When he's not accusing me or being overly jealous.. ITS GREAT! I feel like i need to leave him, but i guess i just don't want to be alone. I truly feel for you because i know exactly what you're going through. Even though we are in the same position as it stands, I will offer the best advice that i can in which i've recieved from people who care about me. I would say that NO ONE deserves to be unhappy in a relationship (you, me, or anyone else for that matter) so follow your heart. I'm not sure if you're are a religious person or not, but the best advice i've heard is just to pray on it and god will help you through your struggle and if he leads you to leave him; you'll know that it wasn't meant to be and that was just a lesson for you to learn. I wish you the best of luck along with everyone else who is living through this painful and stressful situation.
oh God, you have no idea how happy I am to have found this post. My boyfriend does the EXACT same thing. He has even went as far as to tell me that people he works with have seen me in his car with another guy, funny thing is, I was by myself. He also even went as far as to tell me once that HE saw me, well, once again, you guessed it, I was by myself so I feel your pain. I thought I was a sorry girl friend and was making him feel unwanted, then I thought maybe he's insecure and I should tolerate it because I love him and I want to be with him and only him, the sex is the BEST BY FAR that I have ever had. I fear losing him and I do not know what to do. Like I said, I ALWAYS trusted him, however, this past friday night he told me he was going to hang out with his guy-friends and play guitar, well he was actually watching a movie at the local theater, not just any movie, the one movie that WE had been wanting to see TOGETHER since we found out it was coming out so I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but well....I'll let you know when I find out just exactly WHO the person was he went to the movie with, may be a post from an in-mate but well, we will see
I had to answer this. I married a man just like this to a tee. We were married 18 years and believe me ladies, it does not get any better. It only gets worse. He will twist his little insecurities around so that it is always your fault. I never looked at another man in all my married years, for one thing, I was too afraid. I completely lost myself in my terror of him. What started as little remarks escalated through the years to the point that I gained weight, stopped having any friends, quit my job, etc. because I was so afraid of what he might say next. I am now separated heading into divorce and have lost weight, returned to work and college and for the first time in two decades feel like a human being. My advice to you is RUN - get away from men like this as quickly as possible!!! Yes, we love them for whatever reason, but they do not love themselves. We cannot change them or ever convince them we are not "sluts and liars" no matter what we say or do. It is their problem, not ours. RUN away. Do not stay and be abused (yes, it's abuse). Be your own person. You deserve respect and dignity. You deserve to be trusted.
It's called Turning the tables ladies! If your boyfriend is constantly accusing you of cheating, and you've given them no cause to believe this, start looking into what he is doing. I am sorry to say, Had a boyfriend like that, married him, had kids, and after 27yrs, I have no friends, am being treated for being in an abusive relationship, and it doesn't always have to be physical to be abusive. Your like a bird in a cage, they keep you locked up so nobody else can have you. It is their insecurities, they take away your freedom, and most damaging of all your self esteem. Mine would always accuse me of cheating or checking out some guy, and guess what? After years together, guess who was cheating the whole time? HIM!! My advice, don't waste your time with guys that are always accusing you of cheating, life is too short, move on to better, My biggest regret, is loving someone for so long and not seeing what was right in front of me!! A CHEATER!! Trust is the foundation to a good relationship, and I'm not reading any of that here.
as all who answered im in the same boat. I have been w/ my b.f 7 years it started 4 months after we had our daughter. he made himself belive I was cheathin which I wasnt we lived together he worked till late at night and he would flip and say he saw dudes going out our windo as hed come home. never happend.hed say I was with all his friends. never happend. it seemed as if he lost it. turns out he was smoking meth. now hes in a state prison going on 4 years. he still belives I cheated on him years ago and cant stop talking about it. the whole time hes been in prison I have been faithful he thinks outherwise...every outher day I still hear about all his made up stories of how I use to cheat on him always and still do and iam no 1 to be trusted. iam getting tired of trying to prove my self. and taking fault for actions I have never took. am at the point where I think its not healthy for me and ready to say goodbye I know in my heart and thats all that matters now.
I can't believe I just read all of these notes and I am going thru the same thing. We were buying a house together, he told me I was cheating on him and he broke the contract. I bought the house on my own, its been hard and I still love him, crazy!!! I have not been in an intimate relationship in 2+ years. He has been thru at least three. We still text and chat, I know he loves me, I wish we would have worked out the trust issues. I am still lost in the wonderful 2 years we had before he started accusing, getting nasty and questioning my integrity. I am convinced now that he needed to move on to other women and started to feel strapped. He still acts like he wants me to stick around still. We are not kids either, he is 49 and I am 54, you think he would have grown up. He was married for 18 years and has 4 children, he blamed his ex for a horrible marriage, now I wwonder what he did in that marriage. Still trapped with this idiot, waiting in love!!!
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I just met someone who I've only know for 2 1/2 weeks now.OOOH man this dude is already buggin and I didnt even do anything with him yet lol.He accuses me of being with other guys and when I speak to him he's always asking me whos in my house.I spazed out on him.I basically told him straight up how I feel and even if it hurt his feelings I didnt care.Some times a man needs a reality check,you need to let them know if he keeps on this way that you out!.To me thats some phyco shyt,I dont play that especially that I have a child at home no no no.guess what?-he changed-well a little lol in the sense that he slowed down the accusing me thing.But every time it resurfaces I put him in place asap.All im saying that you have to keep reminding the person that theres nothing to worry about.But do this while you getting to know them so if things dont change just move on.Be strong and be forward with things dont hold back or feel bad.
I am going through this right now - and BAD. I live with my boyfriend as well and I am finally figuring out something. As bad as it hurts, and as much as you think it will get better, I am starting to learn that it won't. I thought it would be they will never change. Even if you think they are and it seems good for a while, it will always pop up again. You need to quit making your life miserable and move on - unless you want to spend your life with someone that does not trust you and fighting. They make you feel like you are a bad person when you are not at all. Relationships are supossed to be fun, loving and trusting. It should be like you are with your best friend - and does your best friend try to control you? Does your best friend trust you? You should NEVER settle for anything less. You deserve a happy, healthy relationship. And trust me that is not healthy.
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i had a relationship with this girl. i loved her, still do... but we're no longer even friends. I was so in love that i always convinced myself she flirted with other guys. i couldnt stand her smiling at other guys just in good conversation. we must have broke up 15 times (seriously). whats funny was i ended up flirting .. lots/ which ruined my relationship. I didnt realize what i had until it was gone...FOR GOOD.. like she wouldnt even LOOK at me. even though she once said she loved me.
maybe if you smack some sense into him.. leave him.. talk to him... i dont know... just make sure hes not cheating.
i know my ex is incredibly happier then she was with me and our fights and my accusations. shes happier, im not. maybe u should end it.. up to you. hope it somewhat helped. -joe
I'm going through the same thing with my husband of 10 years along with other forms of abuse. It has gotten worse and I had no choice but to move out. I don't know if he's extremely jealous, paranoid or having extra-marital affairs himself but I do know it has taken it's toll on my health. After many years of counseling and praying a doctor told me "a leopard cannot change his spots". That hit home and helped me realize there is no amount of counseling in the world that can CHANGE him. My advice to all of you is to move on. I am much happier and getting my health back to normal. My friends and family have surrounded me with overwhelming love. I feel good about myself once again.
OMG!!! I'm going' through the same exact thing. Only my b/f is in jail and constantly think's I'm cheatin' on him. He's been in Jail almost 4 months and I've been broken up with at least 6 times. But I've never cheated and want anyone else. But then he can be the sweetest guy in the world. He goes back and forth. I'm in the same boat as you thinkin' maybe I should juss end it no matter how much I love him. He's not like this when he's out here tho, it's juss bein' in that jail.
why are there so many guys that doesn't trust us? I am going through the same situation. It's been two years now and it feels like there is no improvement. I tried my best to make him trust me but he always comes up with stories on how I cheated on him. He would always get so angry and worked up when he questions me about if there's a guy at my place when he isn't there. I am just so drained and tired. I really do love him but I JUST don't know what I should do anymore.
Yea I know how that feels because I'm married and my husband accuses me of cheating and giving out our phone number. The funny thing is I am by myself at home and he calls me all day so he knows I can't be going out and cheating. So his other thing is I bring other men into the house and I'm by myself all day. He loves convincing himself that I'm cheating and I have done no such thing. I also have never given out the phone number to anybody.
he seems crazy and outof his mind
i got an idea as a guy, go and tell him, "baby,lock the doors and keep 911 on stand by, were gonna bust some furniture in here( not fighting, rough sex is what i mean) it would snap me into reality and it should work, but if he stills raves on and on, then tell him "why are you still with then, if youre for sure"
wait,scratch that first peice of advice(the sex) and save it for an occasion . best o luck
well ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years and september and i go through the same thing he always accuses me of cheatin but the only difference in u and me we live 2getther so we will go back and fourth for hours about how i cheat on myspace and a bunch of other stuff but not to go on and on but i think u should just sit him down and try to keep pounding in his head that ur not like that and pray he gets the picture
Short Answer: You are being called a slut and a liar!! You should be enraged not reassuring and apologetic. IT IS NOT GOING TO GET BETTER!!! Do you really want to spend the rest of your life constantly defending your integrity? Its not worth it, you will drive yourself mad and end up miserable. You deserve better.
well I have been going out with this boy for about 4 days now I no it not long but I have realy liked him so one day im talking to his mate on msn and apparently I was flerting with him now my boyfriend has dumped me and im so up set what shall I do HELP X
well its difficult to say but you might have to buy something guys like if that dose not work just talk to other guys dont hook up just talk and see if he does anything if not find another guy ofr begg him to start talking to you.
Read on attachment styles in psychology. It's a study based on the level of trust in the relationship, and how it's best shown or done badly in different ways. It'll help.