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Help me with a few life issues.

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Hello,

I have been having a few life issues lately. I have recently gone into Year 11 in schooling. I am 16. I am confused with my life. I don't know where I am going and I'm worried because I don't have much of a life plan.

I have recently began completing a solo skydiving course (AFF) but to which I have stopped because my last jump not only frightened me but I had a sense of failure from it. From this, I kept questioning myself whether or not I should go back to continue it. I feel as if I've developed anxiety from it.

My mind seems to be always racing. It seems everyday I wake up I see my day as the same as before and I lack motivation to want to go to school or even get up. Only just a month ago, I lost my pet bird and that didn't help with what I was already dealing with mentally.

I planned to get a job and complete my AFF course. I got a job. Worked for one day and quit because I felt that it wasn't for me and that I was wasting both my time and the other employees time. In other words, I wasn't enjoying it one bit. I disappointed my father and grandparents. They said I should of kept going, even for another week. Then, suddenly I asked myself a question I had never asked myself before:

In my life, how many big decision have I, myself made.

I decided to do the AFF course, in which I'm scared to go back. I decided to get my pet bird, which ended up flying away. I decided to get a job and I decided to quit that job.

Now I'm in year 11, schooling is getting more serious and I think I need to spend a lot of my time of studying and revising. At the same time, I think I should go out and find a part time job. I am shy and have a confidence issue. I find it hard to talk to strangers without feeling awkward and blushing - it gets embarrassing.

I don't know what to focus on. I get angry when other people give me their opinions on what I should do. For example, my grandparents saying that I should of stayed working for another week. All other peoples opinions block my own, and I forget and sometimes feel as I don't have a decision. I feel as my life is people giving me their decisions and opinions.

I feel lost but then I feel guilty because I know I'm not the only person who feels this way. I just don't know what I'm doing and I feel I'm just going in circles stuck in a cycle. I'm lost in a maze of reality and I can't get out.

A friend and myself are planning to start and online business. A lot of my closest family don't think I can do this. They think that I'm oblivious to the world and deem everything I want to try, impossible. I don't want a boss anymore, yet they say everyone starts at the bottom with a boss. I want to control my own life. I know the online business wouldn't be that big, but it's better to be the head of a rat rather than a tail of a lion.

Please give me some advice. I'm so confused and I'm scared that I'm running out of time - that is how it feels. I feel that life is just one big rush. I feel that the world never rests. When I go to bed, sometimes I find it hard to sleep because of the thoughts in my head. I know that overseas, people right now are working and travelling and I just wonder why everyone just doesn't rest.

Sometimes I feel as if I just want to crawl up into a ball and hibernate for a month of two. I just want everything to go away at times but I know that life and reality are just going to come back and hit me in the face. Only just last year I've started smoking pot occasionally with friends and also occasionally drinking. I have friends who have also taken LSD, acid, ecstasy and cocaine. I'm not joking. I feel like I'm caught up in the middle of a shit storm.

I don't want life to feel like a hustle and a rush but I'm worried because I believe that is exactly what it is. I have tried to eliminate a lot of objects in my life. I felt as if my life was cluttered with too much object attachments so I went through my cupboard and chucked out a lot of stuff. Not junk, but stuff I just don't use. I feel as if my parents aren't always seeing eye to eye. My dad usually is always in a state of order. He seems to order everyone around - he is a manager at his work. My mum always tells me how she isn't happy with their relationship (not directly but I can tell).

I have low self esteem. I use to meditate everyday two years ago but stopped. I wasn't sure if life was simple because I was meditating, or life was calm because I was only a kid. My life is going too fast for me and I can't keep up with it. I don't know what to do. Please give me advice. I have asked for advice of parents, which they have given but I feel that I'm the one in control of my attitude and how I see the world and I'm scared that nobody can help me. I have gone to the doctor and he has said he can organise for me to talk to counsellor but I don't like idea of that. I just don't know anymore. I just don't know.