How can I get my teenage daughter to understand me?

I have a 14 year old daughter who does not understand that she needs to study harder in order to get good GCSEs. She is capable of doing it but she is just too lazy. I am tired of arguing with her, it really gets on my nerves and sometimes I feel like I will give up. It is for her sake, not mine, and I need her to understand it.

Answer #1

You know, I talk to my teens about this all the time. I dont believe in laziness. I believe in depression, lack of motivation, poor study habits, being easily distracted, fear of success, poor self-efficacy, but I dont believe in laziness. Because for one thing, how do you cure laziness? There’s just nothing you can do about it. And you’re also just making it a personality flaw. They’re doing poorly because of who they are. Again, how do you cure that? So, why not figure out WHY she’s not doing her work. And start there. If working at the root isnt helping, then start at the top. I assume there are things she wants? Well, for every good report card, reward her. Perhaps you should get more involved in her school work and home work. I mean dont become overbearing, but just take a greater interest. And listen, it’s not that she doesnt understand you. She’s not stupid. You’re not talking to a wall. She’s heard you. Continually lecturing her is not going to get you anywhere.

I’ll give you an example of one of my kids. She failed out an entire year because she was depressed and wasnt doing her work. Parents solution was to ship her out. Of course that didnt help. So, yeah, I worked on the not being late to class and the not skipping, but I mostly worked on the depression. Every single one of her grades has gone up, she’s on time to class, doesnt skip as much, and she’s doing well. Her parents were focusing on the wrong thing… Thus just pushing her further and further away from their goal of good grades.

And dont assume things. I managed to get the highest grades in my class. I had a 3.84 gpa in college, and I have a 4.0 in grad school. All the while under severe depression. If she’s not meeting up to expectations, you want to figure out why. It could be an interpersonal issue (problems with friends or dating relationships), it could be that she’s having self esteem issues or other personal issues, or maybe she’s just bored and not motivated. Either way, figure out the underlying issue and work with that.

Answer #2

Well I dont really know my parents say the same thing to me and I still could care less about grades my attitude is really bad I know but I dont think ima change

Answer #3

you may not be thinking like she is..[[coming from a teen]]] my mom always yells at me too but after a recent break up it cud feeel like nothing in the world matter. she might SEEM just lazy but I almost dont tell my mom ANYThing that goees on in my personal life.. and that cudd be the same case for your daughter in stead of arguing you shud actually talk to herr and ask herr whats rreally going on first she wont tell you.. because I didnt either.. but if you keep asking and asking… she just might break down and start crying and tell you why she doesnt feeel like studying..

Answer #4

Well, I’m 14 too. My family keeps telling me to study and do better. Im an honor student and it pressures me that everyone expects too much of me, family, even friends & teachers.

Answer #5

1st of all, check out your spelling and grammar. This is why your parents get on you. People will determine your worth by how you communicate. You learn these things in school.

Answer #6

talk to your parents and explain to them how it is making you feel.

Answer #7

you will chnage when you are required to feed and house yourself.

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