My daughter and I used to get along so great, then all of a sudden she doesn't talk to me about things going on.I found out recently that someone touched her. started when she was 8 till she turned 13.she is now 14.she refuses to tell me who and when. claims it will ruin the family.I do know she claims it was a female cousin.I feel like a bad mom because I didn't know and how do I get her to open up to me?
watch her around family, or when you or others talk about specific family memebers (it is hard to keep a completely neutral expression when someone's hurt you in that way) it may provide a clue to who do it.
It is important you dont feel guilty, you couldnt have known or prevented it. But she also probably feels guilty too and that it was her fault, you need to make sure she knows it wasnt. She may feel like because she never said anything to make it stop it was her fault, or she could feel guilty for a 100 other reasons. She may be mad at you because you didnt stop it or see it.
None of this is logical, but they're common emotions when a child has been molested. Try and get her to talk to a professional. It will be easier to tell them what happened to her and how she feels about it...
Also until she deals with it, she's not going to move on. I dont want to alarm you but she may start acting out or become depressed, you should get her help as a preventative measure...
It is past and she has been trying to deal with it for six years. That is a long time for someone her age.
You should talk to her and stress a few things:
First, that she was not at fault in any way and that those activities DO NOT mandate her sexuality (causing her to be a lesbian or even bi-sexual).
Second, that you are there for her and that she is welcome to discuss that situation or any others WITHOUT having to name names.
Third, that you respect her privacy and that she can discuss things with you in confidence that you will keep that information private.
Stress to her that no matter what she thinks or does, YOU are there to support her and give her information, when needed, to help HER in formulating her own views, goals and values. That, no matter what, your love for her doesn't waiver.
this is a hard situation to be stuck in. you really do need to get her to talk to someone, dealing with this alone can be tough. habe you thought about getting her into councilling or even doing it the old way of sitting her down in private and just giving her a heart to heart. what this person has done is wrong. you really do need to find out who it is. and I personally would press charges but you need your daughter to admit. a) what you have heard and b) what they have done.
please get her some help, she is probly a wreck emotionally. what this person has done to her is dispicalble and I hope you choose the right path with this one. think about these actions. what if this person has done this to anybody else. please think and think hard.
good luck. from naomi.
Some people choose avoidance as a coping method (lol, my fav coping tool) and yeah, I managed to fool a lot of peope for many years (my parents didnt know till I ended up in the hospital), it is just so much easier to avoid than have to deal with pain, and guilt, and feelings in general... Problem is they eventually catch up to you... Just be there... be willing to listen when she's ready, and again, dont feel guilty (if she thinks she's making you feel bad, that's just additional guilt she has to deal with...)
Well, first of all I know how your daughter feels, because I am to a teenager. Just back off of her and give her some space. Wait a few days. Maybe take her out to eat at her fav restraunt or go shopping have some mother daughter time, bring up the question while you two are having fun. Maybe she will answer you if you stop smothering her. But trust me I know you cant help it because you love her! If that dont work after a couple of times get professional help from a counselor! ASAP
wow, that must be hard to deal with, this has obviously affected her, well its bound 2 how dumb do I sound sory, let her know that your there 4 her no matter what, maybe shes scared that you will get angry? you need to try and get her 2 open up, before this female does anything else, tell her shes not in trouble etc and you need to know so you can help her get threw it, I hope you work it out sorry to hear about your daughter good luck x
Thank you all for yor response and we have put her into counseling and hoping that it helps.She is acting out, looking for the right relationships in the wrong places, very disrespctable towards us. Her motto is act as if nothing is wrong when it is.
thats horrible. you should just give her time though. teenage girls dont like to tell their parents anything. iim almsot 18 and I stopped telling my mom things when I turned 13.
you need to take her to a phycitrist if shes not telling you who nkows what else shes keeping away good luck
dont push her so much let her come to you it takes time let her regain her strength trust me shell come to you
Take charge - get her professional help today !!
just give her time