can a youth pastor or counselar tell what you tell them and private and whats the likely hood of it happening
No, they aren't allowed to, even if you say that you have thought about suicide etc, they still aren't allowed to say anything unless they are REALLY worried that you will actually do it. I.e. the therapy isn't working and things are getting worse for you.
The likelyhood of it happening though is very small, so don't worry about it.
Unless this counselor has a Dr's oath to protect you, or a Clergy oath to not disclose your confessions, they can let out anything you mention... Best advise - Go to a Catholic Priest - they have sworn to not reveal your confessions.
Technically, they can disclose if they think you're in danger of harming yourself, or need further help... But, in this case they have absolutely no reason to, and no good counselor would ever think about disclosing...
If you say you want to or are going to kill someone, or yourself, or something really really bad, yes they can and have to tell someone.
They can only tell when there is endangerment involved, and even then only after they've done all they can to prevent the behaviour.
Your youth pastor or a counselor should keep this quiet. You have been through a horrible time. My thoughts are with you.
No, there's no reason for them to tell anyone that.