Why Is He Avoiding Me?

I really don’t understand what is going on between me and this guy. I have been dealing with him for over three years. I’ve always wanted to be his friend but when school ended, he wanted to leave me unless it became sexual. I was comfortable with it as long as I got to talk to him. So I had sex with him only four times out of the whole year. There were periods of him ignoring me but he would talk to me again eventually. I’ve always had feelings for him and the last time after I had sex with him, I told him that I loved him. He didn’t say anything and I think I scared him off at that point. So over a month goes by I tried talking to him and tried explaining my feelings better. Which I think dug myself into a greater hole. Like I explained to him that I missed being friends yet I’m willing to still have this benefit thing. He just said it sounded confusing. I asked him how he felt about it so he just asked me if he wanted him to be honest. I told him yes I do but I never got a reply. I waited a week and I finally broke thinking that he probably doesn’t want to change anything so I told him that I made up my mind that I’m fine keeping it the way things are. I never got a reply and I waited a few more days. I finally just went insane and sent something saying I won’t talk to him anymore and I’m done trying to be a somebody like a friend in his life. That I realized he doesn’t like me or want to deal with me, and hope he treats his girl better because another man will. Yeah I know that’s kinda messed up what I said and already regret it. Of course he hasn’t said anything to it and I have non stopped cried the entire time. Like I really don’t understand why the whole world, including his ex girlfriends, are accepted to be his friend but not me. I think he really hates me when he is the person I care about the most. I really want to talk to him so bad but obviously he doesn’t want to deal with me. I don’t understand why and I wanna know. Is it me? like is there something wrong with me? What is going on? Please help