im not the father but he listings and behaves with me around, but when im not around, he acts up,hits and screams and doesnt listing to my girlfriend,her kid, there anyways i can help her out? or do?
Maybe it will help you if you understand why the kid is doing that. The kid has basically learned, if I hit, scream, kick, etc, I will get my way. So, when she is around, the kid hits, screams, and kicks until she gives in. I work with parents basically teaching them how to parent while they are visiting with their kids. The 2 year olds are always the most difficult. Basically her word needs to be law. Follow through. If you don't do xyz, you get a time out. I once sat with a mom and her screaming kid for 45 mins. Oh, I wish I was kidding. The kid refused to sit in time out. He rolled over, kicked the walls, kicked the doors, screamed, tried to sit in mommy's lap, etc etc. We didn't let him out of time out till he'd calmed down. And the punishment does not end till they sit in the corner quietly for 2 minutes (a minute per year, so a 3 year old would get 3 minutes). And it starts all over again if you do anything in the middle of those two minutes. Expect that first time to be very very bad. After that, depending on the kid, it should get better immediately or after a few attempts. Whatever you do, do not give in. Thus, it is generally best you not attempt this when you're trying to go do something, or out in public. And then of course, positive reinforcement is always best. I have stickers I hand out when the kids have cleaned up. I have easter eggs for the kids who have been really good (I had a kid throw a tantrum because she didn't clean up and so she didn't get an egg, but her 18 month old brother cleaned up and he got an egg, and it may not seem like a nice thing to do, but you know what, the next time round she helped to clean up). Lots of praise. Kids are looking for praise more than they are looking for things. And oh yeah, there's nothing you can do. She's going to have to do this. And follow through. The first time she gives in, that's it. The behaviors will all come back, and she will have to start from scratch. Which means that it is far better to allow a kid to throw a tantrum one time at the store, than it is to buy the kid a chocolate to make them shut up, because you'll have a lot more tantrums than if you just ride out the one.
Your girlfriend needs to act like a parent and discipline her child. At 18 months he is starting to realize that he can act up and not have consequences when its just her and him.
Alot of parents (especially young parents) forget that you can't always be the fun friend....you have to be a parent, lay down rules, and give consequences each time a rule is broken. She has to be consistant in order for him to learn mommy isn't going to tolerate that type of behavior.
At 18 months punishments should really only be a few minutes long. She can take certain toys away, put a chair in the corner and make him face the wall, etc. Make him sit until he apologizes and explains what he did wrong.
It also helps to use positive reinforcement when he is good as well. When he behaves in a store - reward him by telling him how that is how big boys behave and buy him a small toy or treat (at that age its so easy to please them...small dollar toys will do). In our home we have a "reward drawer". Its filled with dollar store toys and when our son does something especially good, a chore without asking, etc he gets to go in the reward drawer and pick a toy.
I realize this is an old post, but I feel like I need to respond... time-out is not going to work for an 18 month old! Especially if you're putting him in the corner for a couple of minutes at a time! At 18 months that child is not going to remember what they did wrong for much more than a minute... if that. Discipline is not necessary until the child has developed a bit more, maybe at 2 years of age. At 18 months, they need guidance, not discipline. The best way to do that is make it clear that you do not approve of what the child has done and be consistent...
timeouts, rewards, but don't spoil the kid
Play music it calms them down!