How does this sound?

i just wrote how i felt.

Is It Sad to Admit..

is it sad to admit that i can’t cry with anyone caring is it sad to admit that this is not the first time i’ve thought about suicide is it sad to admit that i’ve looked up ways to die fast and clean, like i was never here is it sad to admit that i’ve written pages of suicidal notes of reasons why but there was still more left to write is it sad to admit that i’ve been going to therapy and still am since january before i got raped and before bobby died is it sad to admit that bobby was my first and only real friend i’ve had in 5 years was bobby is it sad to admit that i don’t have friends is it sad to admit that all i want is for my parents to say, “ we are so proud of you. we love you binnie” is it sad to admit that even though when i’m mad at my parents for not being parents all i want them to say is they love me is it sad to admit that when i was little i would wait up for my parents to say goodnight to me but never came is it sad to admit that when i was scared at night i couldn’t go in my parents bed cause they weren’t home is it sad to admit that the nanny would look under my bed for monsters not my parents is it sad to admit that my dad never came to one of my games meets or practices is it sad to admit that my parents were both late to my 5th grade graduation is it sad to admit that i still want to hear ryan’s voice telling me that he’s happy with morgan is it sad to admit that my parents should have had only one kid instead of three is it sad to admit that my parents don’t have enough love that can go around equally to all their children is it sad to admit that i wish i was never born and mean it is it sad to admit that if i was born into a different family a medium wage family is it sad to admit that i’m envy others who have a loving family who know your there and think your the most precious thing that they’ve laid their eyes on is it sad to admit that watch families spending time together and imagine myself being part of their family and how it feels is it sad to admit that i want to be a part of a family that eats dinner together and talk about the best part of their day is it sad to admit that i gave up on God when i opened my eyes and sawmy life in florida is it sad to admit that i wish we celebrated thanksgiving even if we didn’t eat meat just to be around my family and then watch the football game after stuffing ourselves is it sad to admit that i don’t want to compromise things i want to do for what my parents would want anymore is it sad to admit that all i want is for my parents to be happy to show us off is it sad to admit that i think about getting adopted every night is it sad to admit that school isn’t even a place where i’m happy anymore is it sad to admit that my life is a routine- wake up at 4:30, go running for 45 mins, work out for 45 mins, swim for 30 mins, and then take a shower and then yoga for an hour before getting dressed is it sad to admit that the only unexpected suprises is when my parents comment on my outfit on how its to casual for school is it sad to admit that my parents didn’t even talk about me getting raped with me is it sad to admit that all i want is my parents’ love is it sad to admit that all i want is to be good enough for my parents is it sad to admit that my whole life is sumed up into a few lines