I am sixteen, and my mom wants to force her religion on me.
I was a christian until eighth grade. up until that time, I had been going to church and I was pretty into it. around eighth grade, I became agnostic, and in high school, I became an all out strong atheist.
I tolerated going to church for about a year after deconverting, and then I told my mom that I wouldn't go anymore. I told her why I don't believe and asked her to give me some reason to believe that she was right about religion. she told me that I had to go until I moved out, and I told her that she would have to physically force me to go to church if I was to go.
that was last sunday, and after that she took my car away and told me that I was grounded until this sunday. if I go to church, I get my car back. if I don't, I'm grounded for another week. I decided to draw a line in the sand here. if she won't let up, neither will I.
what should I do to convince her that it is wrong to force me to go to church at this age when I have obviously put a lot of thought into what I believe.
please don't try to convert me to christianity. please don't tell me to suck it up and go to two more years. just give me the advice I am looking for, please.
My mom used to do the same thing to me when I was younger. I was forced to go to church when I was about 7 years old or so. (I can't recall exactly which age but around then). I never until later on knew the reason why she didn't go but I had to was because she had to cook on Sundays and perhaps didn't really want to to when she had other things to do. I also think it was because of my Aunt who is very religious and pushes family members and relatives to go to church and my mom might have tried to please her since they are sisters. That will explained later. But, anyway, from the time I was about 7, I went to church with my Aunt and with my cousin at the time who still lived with my Aunt (her mom). I dreaded having to wake up early, go to Sunday School at 9 a.m. and then sit through 3 hours of sermons. I'm not sure if it's because I went to a Lutheran Church or that Vietnamese Christian services last an eternity. I hated going to so much I would be jumping for joy when my Aunt was unable to go or had plans that caused her to miss a service. I was even more thrilled when I could not go to Sunday School. I absolutely hated having to memorize weekly verses and memorize them in front of the other Sunday School kids especially when I forgot to memorize them during the week in preparation. When I started going to high school, I was able to get my way and avoid going to Sunday School but before then I would wait for my cousin who would go to her Sunday School class for older kids to drive away in her car after dropping me off in front of the church building or the classes that were held in the other classrooms outside the church, and I would walk around for one hour around the neighborhood or hide in the bathroom until it came time for service. That's how much I hated going. I found myself at times bringing Sweet Valley High novels that fit right into my bible so I could read during the sermons so I wouldn't fall asleep and yes I have caught myself at times drooping. My Aunt would catch me at times and ask me to take the book out. This was back in the early nineties when cell phones rarely existed and no ipods to listen to and hide in your hair while listening to a lengthy and boring sermon. I was also embarrassed if I went to class late because my cousin would drop me off late and people would look at me when I walked in. When I had to use the bathroom, I would not come back up sometimes because I didn't enjoy going to class. This went on through then end of high school. Then I got to go to work during the summer full-time and part-time during my college years for the next two years so I was forced to work on weekends. I hated working weekends but it was better than having to go to church. When I was able to work part-time Monday through Friday doing clerical work, I was free again on the weekends but I never went back to church because I was gone for so long and my mom couldn't make me go anymore. Even though my mom is not religious she has gone a few times with my dad but because the minister has pushed my dad into going and becoming a dedicated church member and such my dad has said NO! because of the constant pressure to do something he doesn't want to do. Because of this my mom does not go. From what my dad has told me, I believe my mom goes to please my Aunt. Perhaps that is why she never went during the times that I was forced to go when I was younger. I do know my mom likes to go for the fun of it and be a better person but both my parents are not believers or do they ever plan on being committed church members. Even though I am now 32 years old and haven't gone to church in 14 years that doesn't stop my Aunt from constantly pressuring me to go. In fact, last Christmas Eve or actually the day before Christmas Eve my Aunt called and had my mom had over the phone to me. Persistenly asking me to go to church the following Christmas Eve. I said no the first time. She asked again why and I said I was busy (I was not of course), and the third time she said her two grand daughters would be going to which didn't really matter to me. A final no, I quickly gave the phone to my mom silently fuming about how pushy she was being. The second time, it was cousin who comes home from California every year for Christmas who called and invited me to go. I knew my Aunt had asked my cousin to call me. I told her I was busy which I was but only during the day. I told her I had plans and didn't really want to go. Luckily for me my cousin is not pushy like my Aunt. Then comes later in the day when my mom asked me to drop off something at my Aunt's house a few houses down (We really need to move away from her) to drop off some food or such my mom made. My Aunt asked me to come inside so she could say something to me. I knew what it was and told her I was in a hurry. She said it would only take a second. Again I said I was in a hurry and she persisted in saying it would be real quick. For the last time I told her I was in a hurry and ran to my car and hear the front door close.
Trust me, if your mother doesn't push you, someone else will in your family or extended family will if they are super religious. If I were you, I would try finding a job on the weekends. You would have an excuse not to go and when you stop working there if you choose to do so, you would be old enough not to have to go or at least move out if you can afford it by going to work.
Good luck to you!
I can totally relate
my mum tried to enforce this dictatorship like rule: You go to church as long as you're living under my roof or you move out and go live with your father
wtf? I told her in the most respectful way I could that I didn't like going to church and that if she made me go, it would be against my will, therefore, it wouldn't be genuine, it'd completely be phony, and I wasn't gonna hide it.
I usually always listen to my mum except when it comes to things concerning my beliefs, opinions, and religion. I recently discovered that I didn't like religion. Why can't I just believe in God and leave it at that? But my mum just can't except that I'm obviously not who she wanted me to turn out to be...in that field anyway
So, I was prepared to actually rebel. I was gonna wear dark make-up and nail polish, wear regular clothes, slouch and not smile all the time, or whatever other rituals and stuff that goes on, just to get my point across. I'm not an atheist, I just wanted the choice to go to church. Frankly, at this moment in my life, don't want to. If it's wrong, it's my choice. As long as I have that liberty, you know, of free belief
So...hang in there. Hopefully your mum will lighten up like mine (before I resorted to what I thought was rebellious...how pathetic lol). I mean, she still gives me an earful every Sunday and those looks like I did something to her, but whatever. Try telling your mum how you feel. don't know what to say if she doesn't listen, but I don't know, make her listen, in a subtle respectful loud way...for the record, I am in no way an advocate for incorrigible teens...
I don't think you need 2 suck it up, just believe in what you believe, and I don't know, if your mum happens to not be so...what's the word...reasonable, then comply. maybe she'll see your mature enough to make your own choices from that...but, yea, I've heard that one a few times and think sometimes its bull. let's just say, it wasn't an easy battle over this matter of my going to church. when I stopped, it actually strained the relationship I had with my mum a bit, b/c she's sorta traditional, so I'd consider that. you know, maybe do it for her, but when you get tired of making other people happy, give urself a much needed VOICE
forcing someone to go be saved is wrong. God is very big on always giving us a choice. We are different from animals because we make choices, we have free will, we think. Just because there are rules, doesn't mean we can't break them. When Jesus died on the cross he died for everyone's sins. but did God say "You're all going to Heaven when you die now" no. You have to believe it, you have to accept it, you have to repent. Being saved and going to Heaven is a choice you make. You're not supposed to force anyone to do it. When the spanish came here to North America, they tried to force the indians to convert to christianity. This was wrong, and they later payed for it when they lost most of their control of North America. The British took over most of it from them. You should get saved. You should go to church. It's the right thing to do, but it's your choice. If we did not make choices, we would be no different than animals. Tell your mom everything I just said, and see what she says. If she agrees that it should be your choice, good. If she doesn't, well she's being a bit like the spanish to the indians
Ok plain and simple if you dont believe the service will do nothing for you. Talk to your mom again or if you don't think that will work or if your not sure you can keep your temper thru it, try writting a note. Start by saying that you really want her to understand and that her trying to change you is hurting u. Mention that your a teen and that it is the stage of your life where you start making your own decisions and being a teen your likely to stick to them even stronger with no chance of compromise if your parents punish you without reason or reasonability.
If that doesn't work go to your school couns. and tell them your problems and ask them to call your mom and tell her that you came by and seemed very upset by her not sitting down and talking to you about it, they dont have to mention religion at all
there's no point in going with the way you feel about christianity. plus, going makes you a hypocrite. right? don't go. it's not going to help you.
by the way, your mom taking away your car because you're not wanting to go to church...wow...way to teach your child about the importance of materialism. I think that, based on the way she's acting, she's just confusing you further about christianity. she doesn't understand it herself. that punishment was NOT fitting at all. and who says there should be a punishment? you can't FORCE someone to believe something. ...well...you can...it's called BRAINWASHING.
try to respect that your mom has her own personal beliefs...just like you do, and never treat someone the way she's treating you in this matter. I think that's the best you can do in this situation.
Tell your mom that you are in a stage in your life when you need to figure out things on your own. Tell her you are sorry for not being exactly what she wants, but it isn't something you are willing to change. You want to be your own person. Explain to her how your beliefs are just as important to you as hers are to her. When you speak to her stay calm no matter what. Maybe eventually she'll let up.
I was never raised in a house of faith, so I can't really say that I've had this happen to me. For me, my father and step-mother are church goers, and they didn't like it at first, but they learned to not let it bother them. We don't talk about religion when we are together, but that isn't a lot since I don't live with them.
If your mom loves you she will accept you for who you are, and not try to change you.
Well tell her this. in the bible it says that the parent is responsible for raising their child in a godly way. when you turn 12 your parents are no longer responsible for your sins or teaching you the way of Christianity. -That comes from the bible. By LAW you are 16 and able to hold a drivers license but unable to move out because you are a minor. At 18 you are considered an adult able to care for yourself and own a car and house. The LAW also says every American has the freedom of speech and religion therefore you can choose to stand up for what you believe in just as well as she can so if she takes the car from you get a job that's walking distance and work to buy your own when you're 18 and stand for what you believe in. Besides, working builds character and independence.
well sometimes you will not get the answer that your looking for and I am going to tell you like it is the bible says to obey them that have the rule over you for they watch for your soul she could be saving you from the lake of fire. that is the place that I don't want to go if you can't stand the heat on this earth you shol' aint going to stand it in HELL the devil is a lier and he is standing there laughing in your face, he don't care for us all he trying to do is make us fall and as soon as we that he gone laugh right in our face he knows that if we follow God we are going to be in a better place.
... So you can take heed if you want to but just remamber the devil don't care about you or me and I don't care about him...God bless I will be praying for you...
Your m0m n0 l0nger counts for what you do...0nly s0methngs she still do...but ur16 n0w so she shouldnt do that..U should be able to do what you feel..Its like this she cant make you be 'saved' if you kn0w what I mean?!? Kinda like tellin your child they cant be gay..Its their life so let them live it..U kn0w what I mean? If there are any consequences to be delt with there all 0n u...I
Think your old enough to make your own decision...Look at it this way ask her or just think about it. Say your grown and already moved out what would she do then? She wouldnt be able to ground you or anythng...how/what would she do? Ignore or get angry because of your belief? Well I hope this helps
HI Endy, Tell me the reason for not believing in God. It may look harsh when your mother send you to church forcefully. Below Bible verses tells you why your mother is doing so.
1. Pr 22:6
2. Pr 23:13-14
3. Pr 29:15
It is the responsibility of a parent to train the children in Godly way. This is what bible says. if more clarificaion required pls write to
She has no right to force her religion on you. I have never gone to church and never will cause I just dont believe in that stuff. tell your mom straight up that she is not going to force you to do anything and that if she keeps trying its just going to push you farther away from her. have a big discussion about it and that might help.
screw your mom. You are your own person and you can belive what ever you want to belive. just say mom I dont wanna go to church, im not a christian and you just cant make me. and if you want your car back just don't go to church until she gives up. you dont give up. and eventually she will not care.
well I hope I helped
Going to church will strenghthen your relationship with your family. Just do it - it's only an hour. Think about your week or listen. I am surprised how often the sermon's can be appreciated by athiests as well. You will be better educated and more interesting than someone who never went to church.
Seriously - you are an atheist, you don't go to church. Enough said.
Just because she is your mum does not mean she has the right to force *her* beliefs on you!
Stick up for yourself and for your beliefs. Wait until Sunday. Although it sucks to be grounded, at least you proved your point.
Hey bring her attention to the UN rights article 18: stating that everyone can choose their religion.
Also bring the bible into play. There are a lot of quotes on forgiveness use one if them against her till she buckles. Matthew 6 verse 14.
Good luck in convincing her.
My typical answer to this type of problem, is that you go ahead and go to church. But do something horribly embarrasing during the service so your mom won't ever want you to go again, like just start laughing out loud and saying how ridiculous you think it all is.
***what should I do to convince her that it is wrong to force me to go to church at this age when I have obviously put a lot of thought into what I believe.***
It's quite simple... you CAN'T convince her...
***...you do not know the implication of you decision on your eternal destiny.***
...neither do you.
go...just in case : )