I wrote this poem, what do you think...

I just posted this poem but for some reason when I posted it part of it got cut off… here’s the whole thing…

Life is strange, life is hard, I still thank God, with all my heart, I do not know, just what to do, I look for signs, to find a clue, I’m stuck on earth, bound to this world, I stay alive, for my kids and girl, I know I have, a special purpose, My maker did not, make me worthless, I work all day, and work all night, my money’s quickly, out of sight, in the pockets, of those I owe, to pay my rent, to feed my home, It really sucks, that I stay broke, It’s like my job, is just a joke, I try so hard, and still I fail, to move beyond, these bars of jail, In this cell, I am confined, This cell is life, This life is mine, Sometimes I really, want to die, until I see, my kids and wife, and then I feel, like all is well, they rescue me, From the depths of hell/ Life is only, what you make it, life’s a B*tch, can you take it? life is as beautiful, as you make it, I wish that I could, never hate it…

Answer #1

wow dats reeely good

Answer #2

lol ty, I get sloppy at the end of my rhymes lol, but good constructive critisism.. a lot of people come off as arrogant when they do that but you came off freindly and helpfull so ty again

Answer #3

It’s pretty good, but there’s a few times where the rhyme wasn’t too good and the last verse could use some work. I don’t like the way you ended all the sentences with ‘it’. If you are going to rhyme, be sure to be consistent. kat =^u^=

Answer #4

That poem was very touching…sad but good.All mii poems are sad aswell mainly about past experiences but urs is about present difficulties your going threw it was very good!

Answer #5

thank you all! this is the first poem I’ve written in a really really long time, like years and years… I write rap so thats kinda similar, but I think Imma write some more poems for all of you guys to read, I appreciate the feedback.

Answer #6

wow I ammm sooo like shocked. its riilly good. ugh you make me want 2 start writing again :P

Answer #7

your talented. you understand how much you respect life, but you also question why it can be tough at times. your family, gives you strength to keep on challenging the obstacles that you find. life can be easy rich or poor, life can be fun young or old, love can be real if you choose to believe, just like god unless you disagree.

Answer #8

wow that is amaxing I really like that

Answer #9

ty again :)

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