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I need help but can't talk to someone...

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I am very shy and have very little self esteem and as I get older it seems to be getting worse and worse. I am finding myself getting further and further away from everyone else (like im in a hole). I find it hard to talk to anyone even about general things like work family or friends, I just go blank and get really nervous and than I realise what is happening and get really down. I find it hard to keep a job for longer than a year because I end up feel so down that I cant cope with the job and end up leaving. I don't have any friends and I never go out. I wish that I was never born so I wouldn't be a waste of space. its hard to even explain what I am feeling and what going on even on here through a txt. what should I do? how do I get out?