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My aunt died about 2 years ago..

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My aunt died about 2 years ago..

She was my heart soul everything..

About 9 years ago she fell & broke her knee & due to some of her conditions she couldnt walk anymore unless she had her walker.

She had Diabetes & many more illnesses..

I remember it like it was yesterday..it was my dads birthday she was going to come over..then we got a call..saying that she had passed away..she had a heartattack & died at the hospital entrance..

Today I had to go to the hospital because I needed some medicine but I couldnt walk in I just couldnt I had so many flashbacks in my head..I miss her soo much I didnt know it was possible to hurt this much-ever.

She was like a grandma to me I practically grew up with her she was the one who kept me in check..after her fall I would stay with her weeks at a time..we went to her house EVERY SINGLE day..now I cant bear to even pull up at the driveway..it feels so empty with out her. I often find myself asking about her I dont want to accept the fact that shes gone-forever..it all feels like a horrible nightmare that I cant seem to wake up from I miss her calling me to check up on me..when the phone rings I get so happy thinking its her..then I realize its not & I break down crying.

Everyday feels like an external battle she was the one I trusted she was the one I want to talk to..at her funeral I had a breakdown because there were so many fake people there crying when they didnt even go visit her ONE FU*KING DAY!

Nobody can understand my pain my anger that im keeping inside..I just want it to go away I realize im never going to forget her its completely impossible but I just want something to distract me..

I dont want to keep hurting myself like this its like im slowly killing myself I dont know what to do I just want comfort I guess I want someone to tell me its okay & I dont talk to anyone about this so please dont suggest that..I dont think it was her time to go AT ALL. She was such a happy person she never let anything get her down I miss her sooo much geez my heart feels like jumping out of my chest

Can anyone give me some advice?..please :(

Sorry about the horrible spelling im not in the mood to fix it..