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What would happen if i ran away? I really need advice.

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im grounded for at least 6mths. no, i know im not running away because im grounded. im running away because im sick of my family, theres too much yelling, things may be considered abuse but not quite, i have no privacy, no friends, what friends i do have im not allowed to see. i just got through being told that a person i put every ounce of my trust and love into, who (yes, i know, dont say it) is 20. im only 13. but that person ended up apparently 'victemizing' me and he is apparently a 'sexual predator' and hes not allowed to be anywhere near me by law. he cant go to church anymore, the church just rejected him. now i feel super guilty, all the time i think about cutting myself or running away but never done any of it. ive held a knife to my wrist before, but never cut it. ive packed my bags before, but never left. i want to so badly, i have nobody to talk to about this. the only people who know i might go is my friend who's 16, my 18 year old sister, and my crush/bestfriend who is also 13. but i need advice. help?