Does anyone know how this depression feels?

Of course you really can die at any time. You could succumb to anything from a ruthless thug to a persistant microbe. Our bodies consist of many interfunctioning systems where the failure of any can lead to our death. When you look at everything we are up against life itself looks like more of an accident than death.

While there is no knowing if you will die today or 70 years from now you have to come to grips with your mortality. Being obsessed with death is sucking all the joy out of your life. The fact we die is what gives life value. If we lived forever each day wouldn’t be worth anything. The finiteness of our time here forces us to value it. The fact that you will die should not make you morose, it should make you appreciate every day more.

The meaning in Life is what you make it. I too was a musician and for years becoming a top shelf trombone player was the thing “bigger than me” that gave my life meaning. then I got into bicycling and raced bikes and worked in bike shops and cycling gave my life meaning. After I got my first computer I discovered this thing called the Internet, anonymous ftp, Usenet news, archie, gopher, WAIS, etc (this was pre-WWW) and I thought that the Internet was really going to be big (though even I didn’t forsee how big) so computers and networks were my thing for years. I still work with computers but now they have become mundane and I find that raising my daughter is now what gives my life meaning. Joesph Campbell said to “follow your bliss.” He went on to say that when you do follow your bliss that events will guide you and opportunities will arrise. I know in my life this seemed to be the case.

I don’t expect my answer to fix you. You are depressed and need help. There are places that will treat you even if you don’t have the ability to pay. It will take some research on your part and no doubt it will be difficult and inconvenient but what do you have to loose?

Juniperone: joining the Peace Corps can be very rewarding but it has become quite competitive to get in. It is difficult to find a spot if you don’t have a college degree, speak a foreign language, or have some sought after skill. They also look for a high level of motivation because the thing they fear the most is volunteers quitting before their 27 month commitment is up.

Yup, my friend is in Losotho, Africa doing the Peace Corps and not only did she have to pass physical and emotional tests before leaving, she needed a Bachelor’s degree.

There is no magical pill, person, or angel that is going to come down and miraculously make you feel better or clean up your life. Maybe you need a drastic change. It sounds like you need to value your life a bit. Get rid of all the stuff weighing you down and join the Peace Corps. Give away the things you don’t want or need anymore, put the rest in storage and set out on foot to find yourself. The peace corps will handle your responsibilities, you won’t have any bills and you’ll just have to help people. It sounds like you just don’t give a crap about your hobbies, career, or lifestlye. So try changing them. At this point, you have nothing to lose.

dude I know just how you feel and now all I do is smoke weed and listen to music in my room, and im just as depressed as ever, except when im high. if you find an answer let me know. Its so frustrating to try to talk to people about, because they just dont see the same world I do