Daughter having an affair with married man

My daughter is having an affair with a married man with 7 children. it has seriously damaged all relationships in our family. she has divorced her husband and he is trying to divorce his wife. he lost his job and has been unemployed for almost a year. she also lost her job as a result of this but has found another one. he has had to declare bankruptcy and is in financial ruin. he was mormom so the church is helping support his wife. I fear he is going to ruin the live of my daughter and 2 grandchildren. She is blind to listening. what can, if anything, I do or say to help her?

Answer #1

Nothing. You cannot say anything she hasnt heard before, you cannot say anything that she will not take defensively. You say it has damaged all the relationships in your family. And my guess is that you’ve been lecturing and warning and fighting, over something that is really her decision at the end of the day. If you really want to fix things, you need to be on the inside. You dont need to approve of her decisions. But you can keep the disapproval of her decisions to yourself, and just watch and be there for her. I know it is hard, you want to protect your child. But she’s an adult, and telling her what to do is just going to alienate her. Sit her down, tell her that you feel this way, but you realize she’s an adult and she is going to live her life. And you’re going to love her regardless. When you discuss things, you can point out patterns, but dont attack this man she is in love with. She’s just going to get defensive, and even the doubts that she has but doesnt voice are going to disappear because she is too busy defending him from the world. The more you push, the more she’s going to run to him, because he is seen as her only support. If you allow her to be able to come to you, even if she needs to complain about him, without you saying anything, then she’ll be able to come to you if anything is wrong. Because I assume the point here is for her to be safe and protected, and not about who is right. If she feels that you’re not going to say “I told you so”, then you’re in a better position to help her be happy. Whatever that happiness may be. With or without him.

Answer #2

Firstly, how old is your daughter? If she is above the age of consent there is nothing that you can do. :(

My advice is to be there for your daughter regardless and don’t criticize the relationship, that will only worsen things between the two of you and she’ll need you when she realizes the full weight of the situation she is in.

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