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how can i stop being sad over this?

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for some reason latley i have been really sad about my mom.... im not very close to her i have never been and i feel like as im getting older it bugs me more im not quite sure why..but growing up i saw my mom every other weekend and i have never felt like she cared even when i was younger but it never bothered me all that much because i have always had my dad he kinda acting like a mom n a dad.... but my mom is the type of person that neverrr calls she hardly ever says i love you.. and i member when i was in 5th grade i stopped seeing my mom for 2 years because my older brother would hit me n she did nothing about it.. so i dident wanna go to her house n she never called me for 2 years n she even got married and dident invite me or my little brother... n as im getting older i feel like i have missed out on having a mom n it really hurts my feelings cause even though ik she loves me n ik she cares she dosent act like it n sometimes i feel she dosent... and even now that im 19 i hardly talk to her i still see her every other weekend but its weird like when its just me n her its awkward just go to her house to see my little brother n sister.. and i dont talk to her like i do with my dad im comfortable talking to him and im not with my mom like when i talk to her she just acts like she dosent care n i feel like she dosent care n shes not only this way with me shes this way with all my siblings she has 7 kids but shes raised none of them n my older brother hates her,..... he dosent talk to her n she makes no effort to n i feel like when im older im not gonna talk to her cause im not gonna try to have a relationship with some one that puts no effort in it.. but sorry i typed alot just had to get it off my chest cause it has really been bugging me