Does this sound interesting to you?

do you think u would wont to read more after you read the starter of my story? Safira eyed the jagged landscape. Only a few abandoned walls still stood. She sighed to herself. I can’t go on like this; I can’t even land a blow on him he was too fast, his wings to strong. I can’t fight for ever, my wings, my body they are failing and he knows that. Safira folded her wings and slowly descended from the sky. She scanned the ground beneath her. She could feel Adrian’s dark presence but where was he? Safira slowed her descend further. She could feel something approaching her, something powerful. Safira examined the ground swiftly. Everything was the same, but wait. What was that? Safira narrowed her eyes, there was something approaching her. “Oh no,” she whispered. “it can’t be, that is impossible.”Panic engulfed her. Safira couldn’t move. Her body was frozen in disbelief. The large black spirit hit Safira hard on the chest. The impacted forcing her to gasp for air. Safira was sent plummeting towards the ground. She opened her wings slightly, hoping it would break her fall. Safira body tensed ready for the impact. She hit the ground hard her white wings taking the abrupt of the fall. Safira forced herself to sit up; her energy was very low now. This battle between her and Adrian had gone on for so long, for 2 centuries she has fought him and she had almost won, but somehow Adrian had managed to obtain more power, but from where she did not know.

Answer #1


i’m a book worm =D

Answer #2

so, do u believe my the start of my story is engaging

Answer #3

You really need to work on the grammar. The story has an interesting beginning, but it’s too rushed…try to put more description into the thoughts and feelings of your character - the reader needs to connect with the character to make the story engaging.

Answer #4

Its definitely interesting, but like Colleen said, you need to work on the grammar.

Answer #5

it’s a great beginning but as the above comments stated, you need to work on your grammer and ues a little more description. It’s a nice idea though. good luck! =)

Answer #6

Yes, it’s a good start. I think sometimes you need to substitute saying ‘Safira’ and say ‘she’ and ‘her’.

Answer #7

i like the beginning a lot. what are you going to name it? i want to read it if you are ever going to finish and publish it.

Answer #8

Is it ok if i could have some ideas on how to describe things cause i am having a lot of problems when adding more discription in to the thoughts and feelings off the characters

Answer #9

i have a lot more writing to do,i have my own personal editor, but i dont send it to her until i have writen at least 3 chapters. When i finish it i want to find a agent so i can even get close to the publishing

Answer #10

thankyou :)

Answer #11

thats totally awesome. i wish i could write like you. haha. my dad majored in journalism in college and i cant even write a short story without it sounding stupid. haha

Answer #12

As many others have said, i can’t makeit engaging enough, i have got the scene but it is very vague, i have a lot of work to do,but thx :)

Answer #13

Well, for example, after this line: “ I can’t fight forever - my wings, my body … they are failing and he knows that.” (note grammatical corrections) Perhaps you can go into a memory she has of who “he” is without completely giving it away, or you can describe her appearance without making it sound like you’re actually describing: “She gingerly caressed the battered feathers of one forlorn wing - once so powerful and mighty, the pinion hung limp and ragged at her side.” …. does that help at all?

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