How do I repair my relationship with my 12 year old? I have told him that I would try to get back with his father and never did. I lied! I just can't stand to be around his father. Any suggestions on how to repair this relationship with my son.
Anytime the famliy is divided ALL the members suffer. The best way to start is to reaffirm your love for your son. Take him aside and tell him that you lied. If you're not honest with him, when and if he finds out, he will resent you for lying and the bond of trust will be very hard to get back. Communication is paramount in this as it will lay a foundation for your son that it's o.k. to lie and be dishonest when things are hard to deal with. Also, you made need to reassure your son that both you AND your husband love him and you and your husbands relationship at this time needs a break. Let your son be part of the process and listen to his questions, fears, concerns and feedback so you can continue to move forward in this difficult season of your lives.
Well, obviously you wronged by lying. So 'fess up! Coming straight out is the best way to do it. I dont agree with mr.gangsta, you want to effect your child, you just dont want to hurt his feelings or opinions. try. "I love your father, and I love you." is a great way to start off. Make sure he understands that it makes you feel better if you didn't live with his father. And make sure your child knows he won't lose contact with his father, because a son needs a male father figure. I haven't seen my father since I was six, and I miss him a ton. A good hug and a kiss to reassure your child that you'll always be there for him is nice, too. Listen to what he has to say, and understand how he feels.
sometimes kids find it hard to understand why parents breaking up. They wont realise it until they have serious relationship that feelings can change after something so serious. The first thing would be to try and sit him down and talk about it without being patronising. Try and make sure even tho you dont like him that the relationship with the father is kept on the best possible terms so to affect your 12 year old as little as poss. The main thing is to make sure neither you or the father try to win him over with gifts or try to create a divide.
Just talk with your son. Explain to him that you didn't mean to lie to him but that you and his father are just no longer compatible. Stress the fact that it has nothing to do with your son and that you and his father love him and are going to try to work together to continue to raise your son in the best way possible.
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The best thing to do is try to work on building that trust again. I believe this can be best done by doing family-oriented activities that will allow you to have some alone time with your son. One I recommend is by Family Values Cinemas. Here's some information about the product.
Here's the website http://bit.ly/236vaI
I will gladly send your more information about the company if you would like.
Best of luck!