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(Claimer; I wrote this all on my own, every word written here was written by me, with no other persons help, editing or ideas.) So here it is: I hear voices in the night from people previously passed. Some smile, though not at all kind Their ghostly fingers sweep across my skin Cold as ice.
Once again, I lose sleep To their whispers in my ear I lay still, frozen with fear. My parents are oblivious, I am in the deepest depths of my own personal hell.
Their wraspy voices Send shivers down my spine. Their presence lingers with me. Our souls blend into one. I feel their pain of loss.
Their hearts, cold and unbeating, know no love. As they seek for the revenge they thirst. They plan to steal my life. I will soon join their world of the unliving.
I hear voices in the night Voices of those that have passed Their lips curve to form smiles Though not kind if asked Their ice cold fingers brush against my skin Leaving me enveloped by their chill
I once again lose the sight of sleep As I listen to their whispers I lay still,frozen by fear My parents are oblivious As I silently yell I am in the deepest depths of my own personal hell
The voices that I've come to know, better than my own Send shivers down my spine As I am chilled to the bone Their presence lingers Our souls blend into one I am embraced by pain And embraced by loss
Their hearts are cold and unbeating Hearts that know no love As they seek for the revenge they thirst My life will be stolen first Then forced to join their world of haunting A world filled with revenge and hate A world that I have feared Will become my fate
It definitely tells a story - the images are clear The word is "raspy", not "wraspy"...but even that, I'm not sure is an appropriate word to describe the voices of the dead. I think, in order to make it "feel" right, to associate the words to actual emotion, you may need to use some more powerful phrases and metaphors You have great creativity - keep it up.
Thanks :) Aha, Oh well, spelling errors happen alot to me xD Just goes to show no one can copyright it. Its not so powerful as one of my other pieces. I was gonna put that one there too , but I lost it D: And thank you very much again..
Thanks ! :) Aha, I passed it in as a English poem, I got 100 on it xD. I thought it kinda sucked, so I wanted some more opions.... Thanks again :)
wow.. Thats .. insanlly good. howeverr, everyone would know I failed to write it, as it is far beyond my level, and I'm only 13.
its really good.i see nohing wrong with it.(:
deep..........
thanks :)
thanks(:
