I'm concerned about how much my parents think I'm not ready to pursue into a relationship. I'm 20 and my bf is 19, they don't want me to make decisions and it's really complicated to deal with. So technically I'm going to list you guys a few things my parents constantly repeat to me.
- "He's a stranger, you don't know him entirely yet and he doesn't know you." [With this I can see that's true...we've only been together for almost 5 months. We do stuff as much as we can and see each other and talk 24/7. They want to change that...]
- "He's controlling you." [There's no proof of him controlling me whenever we hangout. The way my parents see it is he asks me to do something for him and I do it. How hard is that? :L]
- "You have no idea who he's been with, what he has and you are not taking demand and focusing on yourself" [Where the heck did that come from? I'm pretty sure I know the consequences of what will happen if I don't watch out for myself, but this is just ridiculous. I took health and education regarding the classes I remember, it's as if my parents still don't think I know what would happen]
....Pretty much I'm stuck on this, I have a feeling that I'm an adult now, I should be able to make my own decision..we are very close me and my bf and I feel as if with my parents constant reminders is gonna eventually hurt me more and I'm probably gonna lose him over the fact my parents don't give a damn. They don't want me happy? As it seems, they are tearing away my confidence I have within myself and it's stressful. It's really bugging me because I don't want to lose him, he's my first and even my mom told me in the beginning, "You should play the field"/ That is not me and I don't want to change that. I really need help before I lose it.
She told me this in the beginning that I should play the field so I can have "experience" with other guys out there. I assume she doesn't want me to put out with one man but two or more, as in meaning for me to understand? It doesn't make sense that they are doing this in advance..Sure they're worried and scared because it's my first, but they think I'm irresponsible and stupid that I'm unaware of what the consequences are. From sex to how it feels to be heart broken..which I never dealt with and hoping to not ever. I do know that I have to get to know him still over the next month or even year, but it shouldn't take that long to understand him fully and it's like they're punishing me for not listening to them so they'll keep saying the same old thing over and over. It's like eyecandy, I can't control it and my feelings, my folks have only two kids (me and my brother) They are way over their heads pretty much all the time. Though I do tell them how I feel, they don't get the hint, they probably want me to be single so I don't have them worrying about me 24/7. I just hate to say it, I hope I don't have to deal with this in the next few years...I don't want anything to do with them..it's painful.>.<
My parents were telling me the same thing, AFTER I had been with my boyfriend for over four years. We began dating at 16 and still are dating, randomnlhy they noticed how serious we were getting and began telling me to play the field. What they meant is date a few guys, get a feel of what you like and what is good and compatible with you and this does not necessarily mean sex at all (because holy hell my parents are against me having sex... ever) and not just settle for the first guy you date. I do understand how you feel with your parents telling you these things. I do understand that you feel you are an adult but remember, in their eyes, you ARE still their child and compared to them, you are less experienced in life than they are. In the end, they care about you. Regarding what you CAN do, most that you can do ist alk to them. Explain to them you understand the consequences, and that you are an adult who knows how to make choices and that you would appreciate it if they would back off a little, in an adult-like manner. Hope that they will understand and stop trying to interfere. If they don't there's not much you can do besides having to hear what they say.
thats pretty stupid your mom is telling you to play the field ha like whats wrong with who your with? its none of there business if i were you id tell them to back off its your life.... like theres nothing wrong with what your doing maybe there just scared your gonna get hurt so they want you follow there advice... but eh i dont agree with them like hes not a stranger you obviously dont know ever single thing about him but that comes with time you know... thats how ever realtionship starts off, be like oh mom did you know dad when you were dating for 5 months huh was he a stranger?? like whats different from when they dated to you dating ha nothing like they need to chill out,,,,and maybe there just not use to you dating n i dont see how hes controlling you ha im sure he does stuff for you to. and the thing about not knowing who hes been with thats none of there business! ha like your old enough to know that kinda stuff so idk why there saying that... maybe there just concerned but they shouldnt get in your business just tell them how you feel and dont let them effect your relationship.
I suppose that really covers everything I've been hearing from both my parents. I did have a talk with them, but it broke out with an emotional action from myself because she is teasing with me about a lot of things and I take it seriously. I'm not used to having him so close and I'm very protective but at the same time..kind of jealous because I'm not his first and he's been with many. As for me, pfft I had no boy until now and sticking with him until the end. Yet with my parents...they said "we have to be nosy", not on everything though..they don't want me to get hurt which is the point and therefore they think I don't have the responsible decision to do anything further. Meaning, playing the field I should try with other guys, but it's not how they raised me as they always said, yet they try to make me not so close with him? We are very close friends, not entirely companions to be living together yet but I know the options I need to sort out. Though thank you for your support of this comment, it's really appreciative ^-^ :)
I just keep hearing playin the feild type stuff an dont get how any responsable parent can promote this...I really do think that any young girl should have one boyfriend or as few as possible until they are a women...for some that maybe 18 but for most its about 20 I reckon...If young and playin the field then there hearts will get broken,they may just get a bad guy who just wants them for sex...err...one guy might be a drugggie,another selfish,another abusive or a bully...best to stick with what you know until you have all the options of a fully grown women...IMO..
Yea I understand that. They raised you not to be promisuous yet they don't want you getting lcose to the one guy. It's exactly like my situation, they don't want you to settle for the first guy you go out with and get hurt. It does suck being an adult and having your parents interfere. Perhaps, if your parents get the chance to get to know him they might be more accepting of him and you together? It definitely helped in my situation.