How can I fix my relationship with my parents?

Well you see, my mom is constantly on my case about everything, I’m a mature guy, 15 , really down to earth. I don’t get in trouble at school so thats never a problem. But when I miss a homework or whatever she goes nuts on me. I pretty much, play baseball, work out, and play cs on my comp every day. I even got a summer job on my own, and she still treats me like a little kid. Any ideas on how I can tell her to f off without actually saying that? lol, and trust me I’ve tried talking to her and that has never worked. I’ve even tried just not talking because according to her everything that comes out of my mouth is a week in my room! But my dad says its disrespectful to ignore so I still get a week in my room! what the f*ck is wrong with these people and when do you think they’ll just let go and realize I don’t give a shiet what they say? Any advice?

Answer #1

This is just a guess on my part since I don’t have enough here to understand the dynamic between your mom and you but I think your mom is trying to get you ready for the real world.

You see when in the real world 70% will no longer be a passing grade; you are expected to do all your work correctly. When you turn in a report late in school you loose some points and perhaps drop a letter grade but when you have a job if you don’t have a report ready for your boss in time for an important meeting it can mean getting fired. In the real world the stakes for underperforming are much higher than in high school.

Perhaps your mom is being too hard on you. In any case the best strategy is to diffuse. When your mom is all over you about a missed homework tell her that she is right and you will try to do better in the future. If she won’t drop it just keep agreeing with her and thank her for her concern, agree to try her suggestions, etc. Kill her with kindness and you will take away all her amuntion. This is also good practice for the real world where sometimes you have to suck it up when a bonehead boss is all over you for some trivial mistake.

Answer #2

I think the problem here is the fact that your attitude is showing through. You need to be able to cover the attitude. I think the biggest mistake a person makes is showing that they do not take a parent seriously. Wether you do or not, it is a matter of respect to act as if you do. If you act as if you respect your parents long enough you will soon reach the point that you will respect them again.

I know that at this time in your life, it is hard to feel love or respect for people that seem not to be on your side or to approve of anything you do. The people that are really the most important to you are treating you like you are the least important. It has become a vicious cycle. You must be the bigger person here. You actually do care very much or you wouldn’t be asking for advice here. You are looking for a way to over come this difficult time in your life with your parents.

I know that this is hard to believe right now but this time will pass and will be forgotten. I hope it will at least. Grow from it and be a better parent to your children, plan now not to be this kind of a parent with your children. I know there are classes you can start taking right now to change patterns in your future.

Have you taught about talking to a counselor at your school or a youth counselor at your church?

Answer #3

What a situation!

I live by the philosophy that you need to choose your battles carefully. If you know your mom goes nuts when you miss homework, then don’t miss homework. I know it’s more complicated than that on many levels, but maybe there’s a bit more I can say that will help you out…

My friend Omar growing up was just like you. Great guy, had a job, cleaned his room, decent grades, didn’t lie or steal or sneak around, good friends, etc. His mom would ride his butt whenever he did a thing wrong. Foot on the coffee table, she’d go off. He’d be like, “dang mom, calm down, why do you have to get so angry?”

Then we all grew to learn that it was just how she “mothered”. She couldn’t yell at him about being lazy or having bad grades or any of that. So whenever something was wrong, she’d go with it as if it were the end all be all of things he could do wrong. She was what you call a “negative reinforcer”. She thought in her mind that by yelling about what wasn’t done, that it was the same as parenting on how to do things proper.

There comes a time in out lives when we need to delve into how a parent was raised in order to understand them. How did her parents treat her? Maybe she has no idea how to relate to you. Maybe she didn’t support herself, make and set goals and was dependant and more immature at her age and so therefore, she doesn’t really know how to parent you in what you are going through, other than the “do your homework” type stuff. The best advice I can give you, because I thoroughly believe that you can’t ever change anyone, only influence them into better behavior by example is to be polite and make her happy. Sure, you can’t always make this woman happy. But if you know she’ll go apey when you don’t do your homework, just do your homework. Be polite, apologize for doing wrong the thing you did wrong, and just realize she is not someone you can look to in life to motivate you in certain areas–at this time.

We often find in life that our parents are better with us at some stages than others. Me, I wasn’t that great with my son from age 2-6. I didn’t relate to a lot of what he needed based on my super-independant life experiences. Like, “Why can’t this kid make his own damn cereal already? At age 5, I was making mac and cheese!” See how the cycle works? Your mom is human as well. She is working with you with the life experiences that she has. Part of becoming an adult is realizing that your parents have glitches in the system based on their life experience.

As you get older, you will probably find your mother more useful to you than at this age. It’s a phase in your relationship, it will change. Just remember: be polite, choose your battles.

Answer #4

meant to post this in parent / family, don’t no why it does that to me sorry once again.

Answer #5

meant to post this in parent / family, don’t no why it does that to me sorry once again.

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