New young parents, sexless relationship

I recently had a 4 month old daughter with my boyfriend of 6 years. I am 19 years old and he is 22. We have not had ANY sort of sexual contact since I was 4 months pregnant. I am so distraught by this that sometimes I just want to die. I have tried on numerous occassions to talk with him about this problem, he just blows me off and finds one excuse after the other. We are so young and I feel that our sexual relations should be in their prime right now. I know he’s not cheating on me. I know he has a healthy sexual appetite b/c I find evidence of him watching pornography here and there and it just really hurts my feelings. I know my body has changed a lot since I had the baby, but I have gone so far as to blatantly ASK for sex from him. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve suggested therapy and I’ve even sent the baby to my mother’s for the night in an effort to rekindle our sex life… all with no success. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m to the point where I am ready to leave him and throw away the six years we have together and all plans for our marriage. The only reason I stay is because of our daughter, who loves him very much. I just don’t understand all of this. How can someone who loves you so much hurt you so badly? He makes me feel UGLY, undesireable, and frustrated… and believe me, he KNOWS how he makes me feel. What am I doing wrong?

Answer #1

It sounds to me that your BF has some hangup. He views you differently than he did before. I don’t think it is you. Even if you haven’t lost your baby weight and have gotten saggy the problem isn’t that you aren’t attractive enough; it is that he no longer views you the same way he did before. Getting pregnant and having a baby probably caused him to see you as a mommy rather than a sexual partner.

It is true that new parents usually don’t have sex as often as they did before. This is generally due to fatigue from raising their newborn and mom recovering from the ordeal of pregnancy and childbirth. The thing is that you should be having sex again by now; at least occasionally.

Marriage counselors have a saying. When a couple is sexually active sex is perhaps 10% of a successful relationship. When a couple isn’t having sex it is 90%. Sex alone can not save a relationship but lack of it sure can put a lot of stress on it.

Your guy has a hangup that he needs to work through. I think crazy moon is a little harsh but on the right track. Tell your BF that your needs are not being met and you want to start seeing other people.

Answer #2

You aren’t doing anything wrong. Sex is great I know, but sex shouldn’t be the most important part of a relationship. You will someday decide you do want sex anymore and then you will have to rely on love and the foundation yall have built for yalls relationship. I would say try a different approach like let your baby girl say with your mother for the weekend and try dinner and talk while you eat, not about sex but stuff like how has your day been and so on, then maybe see a movie or something to restore the sparks yall have you know the small simple things you remember forever. I will also say that porn isn’t right. His focus needs to be on you and his girl. You should talk to him about that one day maybe after you’ve tried this slow approach. Maybe he wasn’t ready for a baby and he is afraid to have another one and is also afraid to talk to you about it. Don’t give up yet, but if you keep on keeping on and he wont let you in and he wont change then you need to move on to someone that will treat you right, but only if you know that there is nothing let their for you, because you can’t change it if you do. I wish you the best of luck and I hope it all works out for you

Answer #3

You need to scare him, since you have tried over and over to spice up your sex life and he is the one not responding its his problem, so there is no point in talking to him about it or organising surprises and romantic nights becos its clear he isnt interested and isnt doing anything about it. So get your baby and walk out! tell him you dont feel connected to him anymore and have been trying but he is the one not responding so you need to think about things, that will scare the pants off him!!!

Answer #4

You do not do anything wrong, but males (just like females) may loose their sexual drive, totally or partly, time to time to their wives or husbands. Now I am an old male. When I was quite younger I wanted to date a girl, but I did not succeed. She married, had a baby, I just forgot her, but once she called me on phone. She complained on her husband, and we started to make sex on a regular basis, weekly for let’s say laf a year or more. And after a while she told me that her husband started to function well again. And our secret relationship ended.

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