My son wants to be a girl... he is 7 and says this all the time... its been going on since he was about 3! He loves to dress up as a girl.. and allsorts
How do I handle this???
A friend of my mothers has a son (who is now in the 6th grade, I believe) who was the same way...and he still is. I remember when he was in the 1st grade, and liked parading around in his grandmothers high heels, wanted to grow his nails and hair long, wanted to wear makeup...all of the above. His family let him be himself, but as he got older, and was getting picked on (extremely bad by this point) they decided to talk to him about it. They told him that it's ok for him to be himself, but others may find it 'wrong' that he likes the things he likes.
So, they made moderations to what he liked to do...instead of painting his nails blue, orange or green, they said he was only allowed to paint them clear...instead of using lip gloss, he was only allowed to have chap stick...he could pick crazy tennis shoes with different colors, but no princess shoes...he could have his hair long (it's an afro anyways! lol) and so on...
He still hasn't said straight out that he likes boys instead of girls...but the last time I talked to him he said "I have a picture of, CORBIN BLEU, on my wall!!" lol
Anyways...I don't think you can change a person. Everyone is born one way or another. It's not a 'learned behavior' or something you can just decide to be. He is who he is. If it's a stage, then great. If it's not, then that's great too. At least he knew what he was from the age of 3 instead of figuring himself out once he was married and breaking a persons heart. Like what artteacher2010 said, be his mommy. Love him for who he is, not for something he "should" be...
Also, let him know that it's ok that he's a boy and wants to do these "girly" things. Do some of the things I mentioned...try sitting down with him and giving him a manicure and pedicure with clear polish. Buy some special chap stick for him...let him know you're ok that he wants to be different. Who knows, as he gets older, hormones may kick in and change his mind set completely!
at such a young age its impossible to tell if its just a faze or if he actually beleives he should have been born as a woman instead of a man while its not exactly common for this to happen its not too rare either there are other children abnd adults out there who becleive they were born as the wrong gender now what your son actually thinks will be hard for both you and him to understand untill hes a bit older discourage him from cutiing off his penis because thats mutilation and not the right way to go about it if he did want to be a woman and try to accept it make sure you dont go around calling him a freak, saying its a sin, ect but tell him that he doesnt have to decide now try to get him tio understand that when hes older is the best time to fully mak the decision, when hes had a long think about what he wnants to be in the meantime, get him involved with both male and female activities, sports, toys, movies, ect try to offer him the best of both worlds ( of being male and female) which will help him make up his mind more and sometiomes kids at a very young age do beleive they were born as the wrong gender and unless horrible parents force them to be and act "normal" then they will usualluy continue to beleive it for the rest of there life when hes older and if he still wants to be a female, just be loving and supportive and try to accept him and not let it get in the way of your relationship weather your the mother of the father of your son, its not something that you should stop loving him for
Sigh. Ignorance is amazing and yet so sad. How is giving him a car or a football going to help?
Right now there's not much you can do except giving him unconditional acceptance... Like filetospam said, it could be a temporary fascination, or a phase, or it could be an actual gender identity thing, and he could be transgender (and for the uneducated who dont know the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity, perhaps you need to do some reading before you open your mouth).
I'd read up on it a bit... if you need more support, try a counselor, or a support group... kids have enough to deal with from outsiders without having their parents treat them like they're mistakes... http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=3088298 http://www.lauras-playground.com/transgendertranssexualchildren.htm http://www.transkidspurplerainbow.org/
u definately do not want to yell at him or tell him sumthing is wrong with him. you cant ignore it either. you have to make him feel normal regardless because he will get ridiculed in school and by society. but if that is who he is then love him how he is. you have to be the only one who never turns your back on him. take him 2 counseling or therapy. There are movies about this sort of stuff. rent a movie or two. he is too young 2 understand so he needs your help.
if he wants to be a girl thats his personnel choice would you hate him if he was gay? if you say yes then your a horrible monster for hating you own son if you said no... then what's the problem?? ps. ask him why. maybe he really just wants to have long hair or... oooh! maybe he thinks their pretty and want to be pretty and doesn't know that he can be handsome!
You are his mommy. You give him lots and lots of hugs. You tell him as often as you can that you love him. You support him in everyway that you know how to. Even if it's hard. You don't encourage. You don't discourage. He may grow out of this. He may not. If you always show him love then he will always feel love for himself.
well I dont think it smart to worrying about it untill hes older so just wait untill he a little older and even if he still wants to be a girl just rember :
a father would be ofended a father would push him to be a boy a father would hate him for being who he is but a true DAD would love him no matter what !! ^^
Thanks for your answers, but nearly 5 years is a long time for a phase! He doesnt get attention from this, as I tend to just carry on as normal. I've tried football, karate..allsorts. Only yesterday he told me he wanted to chop his 'winky' off!!! I just dont know what to do next!
No telling at this point if this is just a fascination, phase, or gender confusion.
You need to be loving, accepting, and patient regardless.
There is an interesting French film, Ma vie en rose deals with this specific issue. A boy who believes he was supposed to be a girl.
its pretty commen like suckin a pacafier(if your american) dummy (europe) till a late stage.! he will eventually grow out of it. try takin him 2 a football game are something buy him a few small toys lke cars. that shud help him out on the way. please rate me.!
It is probably just a phase... he doesn't understand, he is probably just saying it and doing it because he gets attention from it, and he probably thinks it is funny. He'll grow out of it probably, everyone goes through weird phases.
:)
5 years is a long time for a phase. he might be gender confused, and that does not mean he is gay. just be supportive,and loving. let him be who he wants to be.
if he prefers disney princesses over power rangers then you just might have to except the fact that he is gay
