What if I can't stand my Mom's husband?

Sorry this may be a bit long its a very Long painful Story! But I Really Need Advice I Feel Really Down.

My mum lied, went behind EVERYONES back and kept BIG secrets from me and my sister. ok, so what happend was she met a man ( I dont know how, I think over the internet) she’d be on the computer everynight when she could talking to him. I didnt think anything of it at the time.. I was about 10 then, over the next 2 years she would go and visit HIM in Algeria but tell us she was going to germany to help her friend move she went about 3 times. Me and my elder sister were routing around one day when I was 12 and we found a brown envelope.. This contained photographs of my mother and a islamic family, My mum was wearing an orange sheet type thing and cutting a cake witch said happy Marriage on. Me and My Sister couldnt believe it and couldnt quite understand what was going on

When mum came home from work She Saw the pictures we left on the floor and explained that she was married now to this man in the picture that we had never sopken to or met. It made me very upset and I cryed a lot. I couldnt belive she married a random man from Africa!

We moved house about 2 years ago then he moved in with us! Mum sed he was going to move in about 2months before he did, just when I had started to forget about it all. I told her I didnt want a strange man living with me, but she just sulked which made me feel bad and I finally said fine! But we agreed that if I didnt feel happy we could sort something else out. It was arquard the day I met him I just stared at him and hated my mum, he could hardly speak english!

now im 15 and im sooo annoyed with my mum

Its really strange too because they are not like afectionate to each other they never kiss or hug or anything in front of me (which I think is fine because that would make me feel even sicker) He leaves the bathroom in a thilthy mess (which I cant stand) Because he prays five times a day and all the reliegious stuffhe has to do he washes his nose out in the sink but this leaves his snot everywhere. Because he lives in my house im not alloud any boy friends round. Were not alloud to buy normal meat it has to be halal or sumin, so if I wanted tescos chicken kiev I’d have to buy and cook it myself. I’ve talked to her and told her how I feel but we both just ended up crying.

Wats More! is they are trying for a baby which makes me feel even worse, I feel like shes turned into him and im just the person left behind, my sisters left home so she doesnt care. I just sit in my room if im not at school or out with friends.

This is just the half of it.

I just dont know what to do. Please Help Me :(

Answer #1

wow im so sorry! what your mom did [doing] is wrong. why dont you try to tell her that by bring a frorigen {I suck at spelling} man in your life she is deystroying your releshonship and you feel l;ike she is chossing him over you. and if I was you I wood tell the guy to back the hll of and get a fuking life and stop trying to control you cus he isnt and nvr will be your dad hope I helped :] ♥

Answer #2

Wow…well I sort of know how you feel. I’ve been in a similar situation - My mum met this guy and it seemed that he totally changed her…She would act in a different way and do things that weren’t normal. It was terrible..anyway that’s over now..it ended with her finally realising what a horrible person he was and kicking him out the house. Then he returned..abused and raped my mother. All this time I would be sitting in my room crying at the fact that I couldn’t have my own mother. Like you my older sister had left home and was oblivious to all that was going on.

Ok..so your problem. That’s such a horrible way to find out about your mother’s marriage to thsi guy. I can understand how you must have been pretty upset..I really can feel your hurt.

It must be pretty bad if he has lived with you for almost 2 years? and you still hate it?

Since your sister has left home I can understand how much more difficult it is..not having someone to relate your problems to and not being able to talk to her about it..I can guess that can be kinda tough.

You’re going to have to talk to your mum. You mentioned that you have..and you both ended up crying.. It seems to me that you two don’t seem to have the same relationship as you might have done before this new guy appeared on the scene. Take some time, try and find a minute to talk to her and express your feelings to her. (Once again) She may be hurt that you feel this way but you have to let her know. It may put her in a tough situation. Make sure you talk to her, try not to start shouting..you don’t want to get into an argument with her. If you find it to hard to talk to her then maybe write a letter. I know this idea may seem silly but it really helps because you know what you are going to say and you can express all your feelings.

In the short-term try and be out with your friends as much as you can…I know when I have trouble at home it’s always so relieving to get outside and have some fun with mates. They always make things feel better.

This is a really tough situation..you can’t be in control of it since you are the minor of the family. I’m sorry to say this but there really isn’t much you can do other than talk to your mum..try and sort things out and maybe change your feelings torwards her husband. If your mum has fallen in love with this man then there isn’t much you can actually do. I suggest you talk to her once again and make sure you get time during the week to have Mother + Daughter time. You two will be able to bond and will maybe create a better relationship between you..maybe then things won’t seem so bad with her husband.

I really hope things get better. If you ever need to talk anymore then just shoot me a fun mail. I’m always more than willing to talk. If you want you can keep me posted on the situation.. Good Luck

xox <3

Answer #3

if you want to get some peace or rest or something like that talk 2 your friends or your other family relatives. and also keep closer 2 god. becuase in the end he or she is the only 4 you that is left. hope this helps.

Answer #4

I am a muslim my self. but I do not agree with what he is saying. first of all. you are allowed to have friends in the house secound of all you can go out and enjoy time with your friends. in islam every muslims should be clean and tidy. if he does not clean after his mess I dont think he is a good muslim. he can not make you do things that you dont want to. he should rather advise you not to do things and if you choose not to follow his advice he cant do a thing about it. if you have any more problems about him and his religon just let me know.

Answer #5

I have been in the same situation before..and what I did was sat down with my mo mand talked to her about how I felt and I told her that she had to choose me or her husband well guess who she chose???him!!! so I called a very close relative of mine and told her what was going an and I moved in with her I haven’t talked to my mom since and that was almost 9 years ago

Answer #6

Dear ab1g1rl, It’s time to realize there is nothing you can do…this was your mother’s decision and maybe your mother’s mistake. It sounds that there never was much communication with your mother. She seems very distant with all of you. For your mother to keep this from you and not discuss this with any of you is wrong and very immature on her part. We can only guess that she knew that everyone would try to talk her out of it. You are right this has not been fair to any of you at all. I think you really should speak with a counsellor at school. You are going to have to realize that you cannot let yourself sit in your room or allow this to keep you from a normal life…so it is time to get help for yourself. Take responsibility for yourself now. Prove to her that you will not allow her to bring you down anymore. Sue…good luck

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