Hi, I am Angela and I am 38 years old.My daughter Jenny is sixteen years old. She does not clean, attempt to cook, attempt to get a soda cans under her bed and around the house. Her room is a complete mess. I would understand If she was five but she's SIXTEEN for crying out loud. I wanted her to be a neat woman, who is not lazy and doesn't make this a lifestyle. because the same way with my sister she just sat down her childhood and didn't accoplish nothing and does the same now. How do I start making changes before it's too late how do I train and it sticks with her into adulthood HELP!
We had trouble with my oldest son when he was about 15. He was disrespectful, lazy, etc.
So, one day, after he went to school, we cleaned out his room. ALL his "stuff" was gone (we bagged it up and hid it). He had his bed, sheets, blankets, etc., and three sets of clothes. Period.
When he came home, he went to his room and immediately ran out, "Where's my stuff?!" We explained that, by law, we were only required to give him the bare basics that were in his room. The rest was an absolute priviledge. He was so mad, he didn't say anything for about a month. Then, he approached my wife and humbly asked, "What do I have to do to get my stuff back?"
Then, she explained to him how he was to conduct himself from now on, and that a repeat violation would result in his "stuff" being removed again, maybe permanently.
We never had another moment's trouble out of him. He ended up joining the Marines out of high school, learned to be computer network engineer, and now has a very productive job, a family, and a new baby girl!
WHEN THEY ARE 16 ITS LIKE TALKING TO A WALL. THEY ARE STUBBORN AND A PARENT IS THE LAST PERSON THEY WANT TO LISTEN TOO. WHAT YOU CAN DO TO SHOW HER TO BE TIDY IS WHAT MY MOM DID TO ME AS A TEEN. GO BEHIND HER BACK PLAN A SURPRISE PARTY TELL HER FRIENDS TO PLEASE NOT TELL HER MAKE IT A GIRL SLEEP OVER HOWEVER FIND OUT THE BOY SHE LIKES INVITE HIM FOR A FEW HOURS. WHEN THEY GET THERE HAVE THEM HIDE IN YOUR DAUGHTERS ROOM.WHEN YOUR DAUGHTER WALKS IN ASK HER IF SHE CLEANED HER ROOM YET,WHEN SHE SAYS NO TELL HER YOU HAVE A SURPRISE FOR HER GO CHECK HER ROOM WHEN SHE WALKS IN THERE SITS HER FRIENDS IN HER NASTY ROOM. PRIOR TO THE PARTY TELL HER FRIENDS ITS A PARTY TO ENCOURAGE HER TO CLEAN HER ROOM,AND ALL HER FRIENDS ARE TO BRING A CLEANING PRODUCT TO HELP HER OUT AS A FRIEND. SHE WILL BE SO HUMILIATED SHE WONT EVER WANNA HAVE A DIRTY ROOM AGAIN IN FEAR YOU WILL DO THAT AGAIN. TRUST ME I KNOW THIS!
Love and communication are the keys. Just taking things away usually does very little except for creating bitterness and further rebellion. The first thing that you must understand is that simply by asking for help you are a great Mother. Messiness is often a sign of intelligence and the boredom that goes with it. Try giving her more challenging things to do. Give her rewards for finishing things, something that would be out of the question otherwise, like staying out an extra hour. It is easy to get frustrated. If she knows that you love her and you behave in a way that is a great example to her, she will turn out great!
My mom forgets about me, she's never home, she never really talks to me unless it's to tell me of some way I ruined her life by being born, and how I'm a mistake, she never wanted me, I do everything on my own, I try to prove to her I'm worth something, she never will think I am, but I atleast try. Every weekend I sweep, mop, clean both restrooms, every 3 days I clean the fish tank, I always do the dishes and laundry, everyday I cook every meal of the day, and have my room perfectly clean and organized, I want her to be proud of me, which I know she won't no matter what I do, your daughter is lucky that you care.
u need to let her know who the boss is and fast because its clear she dosent take you serious. any thing she likes that is fun put a stop to it the boys phone going out any thing stop it until she gets it together. she needs to know that your not gonna deal with her behavin like that and dont be a push over make a desision and stick to it im 19 livin on my owm my mom would not allow any thing your lettin your child get away with and im glad she didnt because of that I can do it on my own she thinks she grown you need to put her in her place and let her know she is still a child by nature and by law.
The people above have listed some good points.
My mother always had a simple rule- if I didn't keep up with my chores/responsibilities, I lost my privileges. It may sound a bit childish, but draw up a chart with all the chores she needs to have done daily / weekly / fortnightly / monthly. Mark off when they are done to your satisfaction. If she keeps up with it, make sure she gets a small reward she will enjoy. If she slips up, tv / ipod / computer / going out with friends get taken away.
Well I'm 16 too, and I am a neat freak! Did you try telling your daughter the same thing that you just asked? Maybe she's going through trouble in her life and is more focused on that, maybe she's really tired all the time, or maybe she think that since its her room she doesn't have to do what you say. I think you should have a heart to heart on this and get her to open up about why she refuses to clean. Because A messy room is a reflection of her personality! Good luck! xoxo
lol ok im 13... close enough to 16 lol... my mom already fixed this with me and my 2 bros but it might have had more of an effect on us because there was 3Xs the mess.. but she just decided not to cleen or cook for a week.. so basically we took care of ourselves for a while.. then thought about how hard it wood be to take care of 3 of us.. and we sorta started cleaning the hosue up and made her dinner one night.. she was SSOOO happy =) (hope I helped)
ok well im no parent but I do respect my parents and they have tought me well... I would start taking things away from her and grounding her .. if that does not work then take every thing out of her room accept her matress and see how she likes that and when she starts ding a lil bit put it back lil by lil... tjhats what my parents did to me when I did not do as I was told
well first of all, the teen years are messy ones. but a way that can help is, tell her that if she does not shape up you will take all her acseries cell,t.v.,computer, etc... anything that a teen her age uses. and tell her that once you see her shape up you will give her things back one at a time at a slow pace.
good-luck. -ivan
PS ; tell me how it goes! :-)
im 13 and I think that you should say that if she doesn't start helping to clean up around the house no computer, no hanging out with friends, no cell phone, no t.v ...along the lines of that
bootcamp?!
