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I'm starting a novel about my life while I was abused how does this sound so far?: She stops in front of the driveway to the church, nice spot to do this Betty. You're really going to hurt her in front of a church? REALLY? How ironic can one person be? She's 2 years old. And she didn't keep her hands in the same position the whole car ride from Nipomo to Santa Maria, big fking deal! She unbuckles her seat belt and goes to the other side of the car. I can't watch. I don't want to see her hurt. She opens the door and unbuckles Abby's seatbelt and grabs her tiny body out of the car, puts her down on the dirt road and slams the door. I hear Betty scream at Abby, Abby starts to cry. "When I say listen, you have to fing LISTEN Abby! Why do none of you guys never listen to me? I told you to keep your hands together and sit there, is that so fing hard to do? You stupid little s, you can't do one simple thing!" she grabs Abby's arm and swings her backwards "I'm sorry mommy!" she cries. SMACK. SMACK. SMACK. Abby starts screaming, though she is facing the car and her bottom is facing my "mom" I knew her behind wasn't the only thing being hit. "What's Betty doing?" Ari asks. Shut the hell up. Ari, you just told Betty how many times that Abby wasn't listening and now she's being punished for what you did. At the small age of 3, I would have thought a small girl like Ari would have been able to grasp what Betty does when you don't "listen"." Abby cries. I'm gonna f**ing kill Betty, I don't care if she's my mother or not. "I love you too." Betty replies regretfully. *true story
Awh that's sad :( . . But I think you need to start it a little slower . . Instead of just jumping into a very heavy story . . Maybe start by introducing yourself and your family an tell us a little about everyone ,, see we don't know who Abby and Betty are ? You have to make it very clear who is who if you choose to start like this x
Well it was definitely a bit confusing since they took away the quotation marks but I think your doing a great job , and I feel bad that this had to happen to you , abuse it cruel I don't understand why people do it, I could never it would be to hard to live with myself if I even yelled at someone.
k, Betty: my "mom" Abby: my 2 yr old sister Ari: 3 yr old step niece( my "mom" is engaged) Lizzie: 7 yr old sister Me: well I'm the narrator and I'm gonna kill the site for not putting the quotation marks
Maybe if you wrote it like this ... Betty: ... Abby:... Ari: ... ...and so on... Maybe that way it would make more sense ? Just an idea!... Really awfull story though:( Xo:)
To me it doesn't make sense theres to much 'he said this and she said that ... Thats just my opinion though ! Xo:)
yeah it took away my quotation marks for some reason...