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How do I forgive my mother for forcing me to get an abortion?

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im 21 years old... I havent called my mother "mom" in years... shes done a lot of really messed up things smoking crack and abandoning me.. leaving me to raise her 2 kids while she went out and partied..she never really seemd like a mother to me after all that. then when she was on a big 4month crack binge I had gotten pregnant and didnt know...when she came back and started gettin back on track with the household responsibilitys while still smoking crack on the side she came home one night with a pregnancy test and told me to take it because I was sleeping a lot..I took it and of course it came out positive..I was due april 11th 2006.I was dating a black guy.. she didnt agree with the inter-racial relationships.she liked him tho. but when she found out I was pregnant she said she wont have no n*** baby callin her g-ma.she made the first abortion appt.. we didnt make it me and her ended up gettin in a fist fight that morning and then she called the ambulance and told them I was going crazy tryna kill myself which wasnt true at all she had me on the floor kickin me.they took me to the hospital and realized I wasnt crazy and LET her come and pick me up.. she took me strait from there to a teen homeless shelter in the city..where she just dropped me off.I had no where to go I was so scared..the ONLY way I could come home was to get the abortion.. I didnt know what to do I didnt even know what choices I could have had..she led me to believe that I only had 2 abortion..or be homeless..the night I came home from the shelter was the first night that I felt my first twitch which was the beginning of baby kicks..found out the next day that my brother whom is 1 yr oldr his girlfriend that was living with us was also pregnant and due the same day as mom wanted her to have hers.. they tried to keep it from me but I found out.the day I went to get my abortion I remember the whole way there she kept tellin me I was doing the right thng. she was driving so fast like she wanted to get there before I changed my mind again.the clinic was a complete dump.. all I remember was this old man standin outside holding up a sign that says "abortion is homicide"they had me in a cold room for about 3 hrs till I could get the procedure.. I was so far along they had to induce a flase labor.. I was 14 weeks...after I did this horrible act of murder.. I didnt want to come out of my room I stayed in there for 3 months.all I could do was cry. I wanted my baby.she knew it was wrong.. she had my brother at 17 how can she be sucha hypocrit?to this day I refuse to call her mom.. I call her by her first name.. it hurts her now and I can see it but it doesnt bother me because she will never feel the hurt that I have felt for the past 4 years.I cant even have a relationship with my brothers son because he reminds me of the whole situation and thats sad.I use to love holding friends babies... not any more.. I cant even stand to look at pregnant makes me to sad.I've been with my boyfriend im with now for 4 years and I've tried to have a baby and have been very unsuccessfull at getting pregnant.. if I come to find out I cant have kids I dont think there will ever be hope for me to foregive my mother...