Help me get my act together! im desperate!

k I know this is reeely long but just bear with me and I hope you can follow along I really need help…my ex boyfriend (I’ll call him C)cheated on me and my friend and thought we wouldn’t find out and it made me really pissed at him…unfortunately before all that happened C and I found that we had a special bond that we had nevr had before and thats how our relationship got started…so we are really attached still even though all of this started last year…now he’s having second thoughts about his current girlfriend partly because he’s falling for me again and partly because his family is telling him to stay with her…I told him to make up his own mind about her and leave her if he doesn’t really love her…meanwhile I kinda hooked up with someone (I’ll call him K)…we met around valentines day and fell in love soon after and were almost together except we hadn’t spent a lot of time together in person and I had already been hooking up with another guy (J) so I had to get with J cause I loved him before K…so K got with another girl but still loved me and when K and I finally hung out for awhile the feelings progressed even more…we were back in love…and before this I had left J because C was getting jealous and hammering me with guilt trips and saying he wanted me back and it was wearing on the relationship that J and I had so I decided that I would get with C for a week or so and get him to realize that he didn’t need me just wanted to not feel jealous…then I come to find out that C didn’t really want me like he said he did and had already gotten a new girlfriend…so I tried to get ahold of J and tell him this and explain but I couldn’t…he wasn’t answering his phone…then I got on myspace and saw a bulletin he left saying he was gonna kill himself because of what I did…and I didn’t get ahold of him for three days…three days filled with crying and worrying and almost attempting suicide myself because I couldn’t bear the thought of having caused his death…but now its a few months later and J and I have patched things up…and K left his girlfriend but he can’t be with me cause he’s moving…and my ex C is havin second thoughts and might want to get back with me…but I don’t think I can handle it again…help?