heartbroken need advice please

She wants time to heal since I did put her through hell. She really tried mant times and was there for me. She said If become myself again she’ll take me back. We were texting and emailing but she didn’t want to talk on the phone. She works fulltime and goes to school fulltime and said she can’t go through the pain and drama right now. I am working on myself. Now I stopped even texting her because she would’nt even respond. She actually hung up on me when I called all because I called her in a drunken stupor and also sent a very nasty email. She said she thinks about me but still remembers the bad. I am going through hell right now also because I’ve had 3 surgeries for a broken jaw all within about 2 months. I now have no wires keeping my mouth closed and still not able to open more than 1 inch. Still drinking Ensure asnd have lost 40 lbs. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I hurt so much that sometimes I feel I’m going nuts. I can handle all this physical pain I’ve been through, but it’s the emotional part I have a lot of trouble with. I have done this all alone, meaning the surgeries. Mother helped some. I am looking for the strength to get through all of this. Still hurt physically and mentally. I don’t feel sorry for myself just very very lonely and in sooo much pain. I’m a man. should I be feeling like this?A man that crys. I miss her so much that I’m tearing up right now as typing. I didn’t know where else turn to and I found this sight At least it feels a little better telling you this. Like therapy I guess. I hope at least one person responds to this so I can get a little feedback. David
I am very much like your boyfriend so I know the situation well. It’s all because of drugs!!

If you want to leave him as you said then this is what you should do. Cheating is reallly hard on a relationship because it breaks the trust that you have built together. It’s really hard to get over and build trust again but it’s not impossible. I think you should take a long hard look at your relationship and your reasons for staying with him. From what you said it is because you are afraid of being lonely and not because you love him. That is called dependance and it’s really hard to face but it would make you a happier and stronger person if you tried to find your own inner peace instead of relaying on a relationship or on one person to bring you that security. What you’ve through is extremely hard and loosing someone you love takes time to deal with. Don’t be too hard on yourself and take it one day at a time. Try understand your feelings for him and find out if you think you can truly trust him again and love him as you once did. Ask yourself if you are truly happy in this relationship or if you arejust sticking around for fear of being a alone. Finding the answers to this question will help you make the right decisions. If he is abusing drugs or alcohol as well as cheating and lying, I can’t imagine what he can bring to you and how he can truly be a support during these tuff times. Think about it and remember that you are never truly alone, there’s lots of people out there that care for you and lots of other guys out there that would love to be your boyfriend.

Ok, so, your keeping him around because you need the company not because you like him for who he is, well, at least thats what it sounds like. Make a pro-con list, of things you like about him, and things you dont. Then rate all of them from 1-4 of how important they are to you (four being the highest). Tally up the list, and the list with the higher number shows you which traits shine through most. So, if its the con list, it shows that you like less things than you like about him. And the opposite. Oh, and I am VERY VERY VERY sorry to hear about your mom. Its not going to be something that you can easily get over. You may want to consider going to a counselor. Its really not stupid, I went to one when I was going through a rough time, and they really know ways to feel better. Actually, a lot of people go to counselors at one time in their lives. And about the friend situation, its a lot easier to say go find new friends than it is to actually get them. I know from experience. Try to find a new place to hang out over the summer, or join a team. As long as you have ONE good friend, youll be able to find new ones. Im SURE you can. Goodluck! Hope you feel better. And once again, Im very sorry to hear about your mom. Jackie

Don’t take it the hard way. But if he does take drugs again. You don’t need him. If he keeps on being that way then there is no use into having him. Drugs is a pretty big deal. He don’t need any of that in his body. Tell him how you feel. He should go get help. He needs to go aaa meetings. That should help me alot about his drinking and even drugs. I hope I really helped out. But I know it hurts to be lonely. But do what is right for you. Talk to him how it affects you to see him taking all of those drugs. You probably don’t need him since he cheated on you once and is doing the same thing to the other girl. He should realize who he is hurting. He is hurting you and hurting himself.

I think the best thing for you is to stand on your own two feet and face your fear of loneliness head on. Learn to become truely independent to where having a boyfriend is not a mandatory aspect of your life. Then when you do get a boyfriend, if he does drugs and cheats on you, there will be no question in your mind about getting rid of him. You won’t think twice about keeping somebody around that has that little respect for you. You must find the strength within yourself to do this. That is how you break the cycle.

You shouldnt stay with someone just because your afraid of being lonely. Theres alot out there that can keep you busy. Hes cheated on his last gf, hes cheated on you, he was doing drugs, and drinking…im not sure if thats the kind of guy i would want in my life!! There are plenty of guys out there that wouldnt cheat, dont do drugs, and dont drink>its your call hun!!!