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He ruined me

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So when I was 2 or 3 ...maybe I was younger my father left me my brother and my mom. -- And then a couple years later my mom married my step dad john...=] And I don't know how old I was when this stuff happened. But I think my step dad may have been drunk. But my step dad and my mom had a litte girl together..and she is the cutest thing ever. The most beautiful thing godd could have given me and my family..she has downs..but its not bad. Anyway..I think he was drunk And my mom was out and I was little and I didnt know any better..and he took advantage of me.. But didnt rape me..I made me do stuff. And told me that if I ever told any one that he wud hit me really hard. And he is still married to my mom and they are still happy..and I have still said nothing..but as I got older I started thinking about it...its a memory that just wont go away and I cry every time he yells at me and everytime he gets mad at me because that is the only thing that I think about when that happens. I just sometimes feel like sayin well effyou! You are the one who blah blah blah...but I cud never ever do that. No one wud believe me and I dont want to say anything. I made up my mind that I wud never say any thing to any one But I ended up tellin my best friend and she thought I shud tell sumeone but I never did. And I don't know but I can never stop thinking about it. Like sometimes I wonder how cud this ever happen to me but I know it happend I know it. But help me ...please..im about to break.