What do you think of my writing?

Very good! Loved it! I write to and I also send some of my pieces to teen ink and netpoets…lol Your a very awesome writer! :)

ok that was nice, and obviously a teen work..but here’s a thing…I felt it..that what’s important..you made me felt that I were in your shoes during that moment..good job..keep on working ^_^

Beautifully done! :) I’m a writer myself, and I have to say, this was very realistic and set the mood well. The tone was wonderfully set and the writing itself, great! All in all, about your writing, I will give you a total thumbs up!

Good work but it’s like it’s a text message. This Then That then this, then. there’s no explanation or description of what’s really going on. I think it could work as an introduction to what is going on and going to happen, but that little bit really doesn’t grab us into the story! Why should we care about the people? Who are they? If we can relate to the people then we get into the story.

Think about it. You are the story teller, not the subject. Describe the peoples’ feelings and what is going on, not just WHAT is going on. I think you have a lot of talent, just explore the edges.

I remmeber you showed me this, gosh I loved it liz, its awesome..I hope your almost done with your novel im dying to read it :D

number one rememeber!! haha good times good times:D

you would be a great suspence writer

This is exceptional. It shows a lot of talent. I know it’s for effect but there are some parts where I think maybe you shouldnt have put a period and should have just continued the sentence. It almost sounds like sentence fragments instead of phrases.

Other than that this is beautiful and sad. There isnt much you could do to make it better. Hope that helps :]

I think its great!!!
I hope the place will like it!! good luck!! KIRSTEN<3

I lovee it liz! (: (: (:

Honestly, it shows that you’re an aspiring writer and a teller of tales, but little else. And I’ll say why. I can tell be reading you’re in grade school, or didn’t pay attention in grammer class. You have way to gerunds, expletives, to be verbs, and Id should be I’d. You’re POV went into 3rd omni in a line.

This line:

It all occurred so quickly. In fact it happened at such speed I didn’t even have time to think about the situation.

In the first sentence you don’t need “all”. It slows the pace and turned me away from the start.

In fact, it would sound so much better if you just started it with the second sentence minus the “In fact” and the “even,” but definately drop the “even”. Sound so much better.

Take my advice, and check out my new book coming out in December called, “War of the Dark Goddess: Book One of The Dark Goddess Trilogy” published by Castle Pubs.