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Good or bad criticism accepted ;)
Her sublime lips allure my soul
The gift of un-equivalent perfection
Laid before me in ethereal silence
And yet – the perfection is not of her
My heart outstretched to her, naked My affection for her flowing ever so slowly, caressing her lips The flavor of her sweetness radiates on my tongue Silenced love permeates my skin Her love intertwines with my heart Her love flourishes out of my breath And yet, I long to breathe nevermore
Any criticism will be accepted! :)
Bleh is obviously suffering from a case of immaturity that is causing him/her to find humor in deep thought. My guess is that the poem just went far over his/her head and he/she is trying to compensate by making a mockery out of good work. Unfortunately for bleh, he/she just made himself/herself look like a dumbass, rather than a humorous additive.
As for the poem, Brian mentioned a lack of criticism. ''My affection for her flowing ever so slowly caressing her lips'' There needs to be a comma after slowly to separate the two dependent clauses. I also believe that nevermore is all one word, as quoth the raven :) Haha.
Other than that, solid use of metaphorical verbiage. The use of "permeates'' is my favorite :) You write a lot like my husband actually. He uses amour propre a lot, just to throw that out there. Most of his verbs can't be literally translated in context. I'm getting off topic though. Good job Mig :)
Very beautiful and high-quality, strangely it slightly resembles when I write, maybe it is the result of natural writing, do try to have it published, and also do not neglect to learn the Castellano which is the version you speak if I am not mistaken. You could also in the latter become a poet and even yet another great writer!
for some reason this made laugh so hard xDD at first I was like what! then I was just cracking up I dunno maybe I'm to immature to read poems like this one lmafao xD
really intense wow =D hmm sometimes I like simpler poems than this one but besides that I do like this a lot ! way more impressive than somehing I could write :]
That was really really good! wow like I love reading and writing poems but literally I've never read one quite like that. it was very good. :)
Thanks :) I appreciate that a lot! Oh and thanks for anyone else who posts an answer :) good or bad I'll take it as a compliment :)
that was great really descriptive and you made it seem like the words came alive well any way great poem
ha, and I'm going to be the famous writer? hmm, you'll be famous before me hahaha, you're that good (:
Wow I love it, if you had a DA account I would SO love to read more!
Absolutely beautiful (: your a great writer. Please, write more...
it's cute:) ...just to tell you--I'm not a good critique:P
I love it this is sooo romantic and sweet you have talent
Great poem! It's so sweet I really like it :)
oh wow that was amazing!!! great loved it!!!
I love it!You really have some talent!!!
Nice Job! Two thumbs way way up :)
Awww!! That's sweet :)
love love love it!
aww its awesome(:
it is amazing!!!
Well done Mig
I like it :)
sweet :)