What do yall think about this begininng?

Ok so here it is: Flames sweeped over the dirt, which was being orchestrated by a dark scarlet line that was streaming from the cold pale body of ben, her former friend. Maegan had had a tough start that year in school, no friends, no one to talk to,and no hope of a future. Maegan had only hoped that some guy from her new school would find her interesting, and on monday of her second week there she had found her guy. Joyful and happy ben had seemed liked the perfect friend, that was until maegan had found the wild side of her night in shining armor. (basically it sucks in my mind but I want to know other opinions cause I can be too hard on my self)

Answer #1

thx everyone

Answer #2

Sounds awesome you should keep going it’s getting good

Answer #3

it sounds reallly good you shhld diff. rwrite moree…lmao :D I Likee itt!

Answer #4

Sounds good ! Makes you want to read more lol… Xo:)

Answer #5

=) its sounds good so far! very good phrases I must say, just avoid anything typical kk =)

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