Hi, We dont want to go to our moms for Christmas. She is a drug addict and moved over an hour away from us to live with her new boyfriend . Our brother wants to go, but we don't want to. We want to stay home with our dad. If we tell her the truth, or anything at all, she will cry, and make us feel guilty. She never lets up either. She is selfish and chose her drugs over us in the first place. What should we tell her? Our dad doesnt want to tell her. She yells and screams. We don't want to tell her either. Help!! What advice can you give us??
You don't have to "tell" her anything. If you want avoid her, you have the right to do so. If she calls you up and asks why you don't want to see her, you don't even have to talk to her. If you tell her that you'll come around when she's off the drugs, then she'll do her best to hide her habit and lie about it. I've dealt with an addict in the past and if there's one thing I learned, it's that addicts are very self-centered (and often very delusional) and that you can't let anything surprise you. It is possible that your brother is using drugs as well. Or, he could just be playing the good son--attempting to score points with your mom so he can say later that he "was there for her". As long as your mom is using, the smartest thing you can do is not subscribe to anything involving her. This sounds harsh, but having her kids avoid her might be just what she needs--a wake-up call. Addicts don't change until they've hit rock-bottom. When they have nowhere to live, their kids avoid them, they have no job and no money, that's when they turn around. It could take years. In the meantime, you have many important things to involve yourself in--school, your job, other close family members, dating and your hobbies. If you get married and have children in the next few years, keep your kids away from her. She will not change just because she has a grandbaby. She will change when she realizes what she's missing. You sound like a level-headed young adult. Don't let anyone ruin that for you. You have to be strong. Go to your local library and check-out some books on drug-abuse and other related topics. Try to get your siblings and your dad to read them too. You and your siblings can help your mom by focusing on what's best for yourselves and your future children. Please take my advice. I know what I'm talking about.
When dealing with a drug addict - the best thing to do is show them tough love. I'm a recovering drug addict, I can kind of understand where you are coming from and where your mother is coming from. She has a disease and it's one the hardest things to overcome or deal with. If you visit her constantly you could possibly enabling her. You need to talk to her. Tell her the reason why you are not coming to Christmas at her house. Tell her that you love her very much and you wish you could spend time with her, but because of her drug use, you dont want to be around her. You have to show her tough love, and you have to realize that she is a very sick woman who needs to get help. If she ever asks you for help - be quick to help her by trying to get her treatment or rehab.
My mother used to do meth really bad it actually got to the point I moved out of the house at 15 and the county didn't do nothing about it. I told her I couldn't live with her seeing the way she was, she wasn't herself no more. I told her that she's doing things she didn't even realize she was doing, finally after being gone 6 months I told her I needed her to be my mom, she needed to stop doing drugs and be there with me before its to late. What you need to do is the same 4 get her making you feel guilty put the guilt on her. Tell her you need her to grow up and be a mother. Also tell her you don't want to go to christmas for that reason. If you need anymore advice leave me a mesage.Merry Xmas
you have to be careful with your words. one wrong move and your mom could have an overdose. tell her that you love her but youre worried about the way she's living her life and that you want to see her change a little bit for you guys. even if she is selfish she'll think about what you said and she just might begin to change. if you have to call the cops and tell them. nothing is easy when it comes to a family member whose addicted to drugs or alcohol. just be kind to her and tell her how youre feeling ask her if you can talk to her and sit her down and let her know you're worried. if she yells and screams don't let it get to you. you must stay strong!!!
Tell her how you really feel even if it makes her cry. You are her children and she deserves to know the truth. Tell her that sometimes her yelling and screaming scares you. Talk to your Dad about this.
.. carmen ..
Two things come to mind - none of us are guaranteed tomorrow so it might be wise to get together - also, she looked after you for a lot of years, maybe you could help her with addiction...I wish you all the best !!