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What do you think of my poem?
Lies,Lies,Lies
The World around me is nothing but lies.
I’d Rather die
Then to hear another lie
My heart crys from all these lies
Who can I trust
Who can I believe
if everyone I love
is lieing to me
im going crazy
im going inscane
when will people stop lieing
when will I stop believeing
All these lies are doing are hurting people
there hurting me I don’t belive the lies that cover the truth
When I dont want the truth
I cover it up with a lie.
the lies in my head are taring me in pieces
all my dreams I had in my heart
are crushed and fallling apart
and I dont think I can take it much longer
Dreams,dreams,dreams
please be here to stay.
Lies,lies,lies
please go AWAY!!!
The ‘’good’’ or ‘’bad’’ analysis of writing really isn’t my thing. If this is what you feel, then it’s great. You do get a bit wordy towards the end, so if you could try to use fewer words to say the same thing, your work will have more impact. A lot of times with poetry, less is more.
I make my living as a writer, so if you don’t mind, here are some spelling and grammar edits for your poem that won’t change the meaning but will change the quality of the piece. Use or disregard accordingly…
Lies. Lies. Lies. The World around me is nothing but lies. I’d rather die Than to hear another lie. My heart cries from all these lies. Who can I trust? Who can I believe If everyone I love is lying to me? I’m going crazy. I’m going insane. When will people stop lying? When will I stop believing? All these lies are doing are hurting people. They’re hurting me. I don’t believe the lies that cover the truth. When I don’t want the truth I cover it up with a lie. The lies in my head are tearing me in pieces. All my dreams I had in my heart are crushed and falling apart, and I don’t think I can take it much longer. Dreams, dreams, dreams, please be here to stay. Lies, lies, lies, please go AWAY!!!
It has a good meaning. but try puttin your words more into an Art form. You want people to read it and kind of figure out what your saying. like a puzzle. not exactly clear until you put the pieces together.. maybe losing a lot of those small words you don’t need. people will still get the point. For instance when you were saying theyre hurting you and you don’t believe the lies covering the truth. you could shorten it..people are very impatient.like this..
“Hurting me. Don’t believe lies that cover the truth. I don’t want the truth. I will conceal it.”
see how I shortened it? once they know your talking about lies or the truth, you don’t have to always use the word over and over.it’s not like they are gonna be like,”conceal what?” because you just said you don’t want the truth. So that’s what your concealing.haha. I don’t know I’m not that good of a writer but I hope that helped instead of making it worse.
it was ok try finding oter words but with the same meaning. I think you should replace some of the same words to make it look a lil more curious. hope this helps.
cool I like it
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