My son throughs his toys at his baby sister she is 11 months old,he kicks and hits me the baby and his daddy.the doctor said to put him in time out .I've tried and nothing works .when I do spank him he looks at me and laughes.What do I do ???HELP ME!!!
Wow.. I can't believe for the most part I'm gonna have to agree with the 15 year old here. Being on his eye level is VERY IMPORTANT. I am a child psychologist, and have been practicing behavior modification for 12 years now. To those of you who advocate hitting back or taking things away, you are about to find yourself amidst a nightmare. Hitting back teaches your children to hit; while they learn that no one likes to be hit, they also learn that hitting is a good way to deal with people when you are angry. THIS IS NOT HELPFUL! Also, it is abusive. You are adults who know better. Your children are just that, and they will respond negatively to yelling, spanking, hitting and the like. Miss big sister, you are on the right track and will make a wonderful mother one day! Where I would have to disagree with you, is that you must not make promises of rewards for all kindnesses or "good" behaviors. This encourages children to see the world in black and white, and to judge themselves and others in terms of "good" and "bad". While this might seem like a good solution in the short term, it can lead to long term cognitive distortions. Also, you want to ultimately raise genuine children who are kind without the expectation of material rewards. If you promise them a reward for each kindness, you'll find that they focus more on the reward than the kindness or the people involved; they will come to expect a reward for every "nice" or "good" thing they do, which is ultimately not realistic. They will be doing nice things for entirely the wrong reasons. Children are people, and they should be talked to as people. I understand the difficulty in remaining calm while your child is throwing a hitting, yelling fit and while it may require some practice, it is well worth while. Here is what I suggest:
Get on eye level - your child will see this as respect
Ask him what message he is trying to give you. Is he angry? What is he angry about? Provoke discussion on the matter. If he replies with "You", say "How did I make you angry?" There is a good chance he wants something that he can't have. (common among humans!) Let him talk about this as much as he wants and DO NOT get defensive. Remember who the adult is. That doesn't mean remember who's in charge, but remember who needs to remain composed.
Once he has explained his feelings to you and you clearly understand him, validate his feelings; tell him that you know what it's like to feel that way. Tell him you are sorry that HE IS FEELING ANGRY. Make sure not to tell him he is right, because he has stepped out of line. Simply acknowledge and accept how he feels. He will likely be calming and feeling your respect for him.
Find out what he thinks about his behavior. Did it get him what he wanted? Did it make him feel better? At the very least, this will provide insight to both of you. He will likely be seeing his faults at this point. Have him come up with a better way to deal with the emotion he was experiencing; perhaps a way that will express himself more clearly and help him to better achieve his goal. Let him know that he will feel this way again someday. Ask him to agree to use his new method for handling his emotions. Remind him of this when you need to, pointing out that it works better than hitting. Reward him when you see him use it ON HIS OWN, but don't let him know he will be rewarded. REMEMBER: Hugs are great rewards, although you may choose something material.
Tell him how much you love him, and how great it is to have "grown up talks" where you both understand each other and no one gets hit. He will appreciate you for respecting him, and will thus learn to respect himself and others.
ok I may only be 15 but I know ALLOT about kids. And my little sister is only 5years old and she used to hit me all the time. She also liked to bit, kick, scream, etc. But I think spanking, hitting back, etc. is very immature. Just because you can't handle your children your going to hit them? ( no ofence ) I think that is terrible. My dad used to hit me when I was younger and he always yelled at me. And now I hate him with all my heart!!! And I really don't think you want your child to turn on you because of that. If you want your child to stop treating you this way you need to kneel/sit down (depending on how old he is) so that you are at his eye level. Then you need to explain to him how much it is hurting you, physicaly and emotionaly! Tell them that you feel he dont love you anymore and most of the time they say im srry. when they say im srry, the next thing you want to do is make a plan that you and him both agree on. Tell him that from now on, everytime he is nice, or does something nice for someone, you will have something special for him... (and then of course you keep your word.) But you also tell him that everytime he does something bad he has to go and say srry to everyone he was mean to and explain why he is srry and then go sit down and think about what he did. and if he still thinks sitting there and thinking about it is funny then tell him that something he really wanted to do is now not an option... he will stay home for the rest of the day. or tell him you will take away something very dear to him until he is truly srry for what he did. - this worked for my little sister so I hope it will work for you - just dont yell at him about the situation when you are making the plan. even make him laugh a couple of times. He will learn to respect you and not hate you or be afraid of you! and once you are done talking with him say somthing like "ok, lets go get some ice cream!" or something of the kind.
Best of luck =) and srry this was so long lol
Although spanking may be needed in sometimes, it not often effective in children with ADHD because their logical thought process is not as developed as a child with out ADHD. For this reason you have to make sure that you are 100% consistent and that the punishment logically fits the crime. I would suggest this.. When he throws a toy take that toy away and explain that when he shows you that he can play with his toys with out throwing them he will earn his lost toys back.
If he start to become violent (hitting kicking bitting ect.) simply pick him up is a backwards bear hug (his back towards you and his front facing outward) restricting most of the violent movement, and place him in a safe place. Before letting him go calmly say "you are angry, but it is not ok for you to hurt others. You need to stay in here until you calm down" if he come out still on a rampage, then continue to put him back in the "safe place" until he is calm.
Remember it is your job to keep both of your children safe. I hope this helps!
please NEVER bite your child, or hit them back in a childish manor. Your the parent it is your job to be the "bigger" person and remain calm and rational during discipline.
just take his toys away all of them. dont throw them away though cause will have to buy more just put them all in a trash bag and tell him your going too. and hide them. attic, basement, your closet somewhere. as for when he hits you I say it is okay to spank him/ her. If he hits your arm lightly but not to light hit his arm, your leg, do the same anywhere that he hits you do it back to him/her. If he starts to bite you cause some kids do bite him back. cause if he is already starting to hit you and your family them he/her will start hitting other people. I hope this helped I dont have kids but have a lot of experience with kids
You Will Have 2 Be Really Strict With Him. When He Is Bad Take Something Away From Him And Put Him In A Quite Room If He Is Yelling And That So He Can Carm Down.Also You Could Trying Doing A Sticker Chart With Him. Also If He Is Good Then Give Him A Treat.Also Dont Bother Spanking Him Its Not Going To Make Him Behave
Hope My Advice Helpss
if you do just give him a little spank on his hands... Dont let him get away with everything... And if he dont wanna listen put him right back there.. if hes trying to get your attention give it to him... even in time out time.. you could also try and take things from him if he dont listen & give it back when he becomes good agian.
how old is your son!!!??? he needs major discipline... im nobody to say that but its true no child if he is should be acting like that... scare him with police and see how that works out
take away his toys untill he relizes what he has done then keep them a little bit longer just to prove your point then give them back to see what he does.
Someone asked how old he is. He is almost 3 years old and the doctor says that he has ADHD but can't give any meds untill he is 3.
sometimes with kids you have to yell to get their attention... if that dont work get someone to scare the child... I don't know
ah, a demon in the making... sounds just like me as a little tyke :')
