Why not if I won't get caught? There is this woman at work. Ever since she started working there, all I can think about is her. She's not the most attractive woman in the world, but she has a unique beauty that shines every time I lay eyes on her.
Then I found out she's married, too, about a month ago. While I know that she is married, and she knows I'm married, I keep thinking that she is flirting with me. My wife has been a wonderful companion through several years, but even though she is the light of my life, this other woman keeps crossing my mind.
I know I'm not in love with her. I don't even know her that well. But every time we talk, there is an "awkwardness"; and I keep thinking that her wistful glances in my direction are tell tale signs of attractiion.
Never before did I think I would cheat on my wife. But this woman keeps haunting my thoughts. Running through my mind. Her voice, soft, sweet, and her smile fairly shines.
My wife is very trusting, and wouldn't believe that I would cheat on her. For some reason, I believe she expects it of me. I work late, and so does this woman. For some time, I have been thinking that I should try to get her email or something, and then arrange to leave work a "on time"; and then go some place to talk.
I'm not even sure she would, but I keep thinking about her. Should I do something? Drop her a note, let her know I've been thinking about her?
What if my wife and I weren't meant for each other? And that this is what I';m supposed to do? I know, it's a terrible thing. But if I feel this way, about a stranger, then perhaps my love for my wife isn't "real"...
any thoughts greatly appreciated. I've never pictured myself in this situation before, so I find myself, for once in my life, a bit lost on what I should do, or not do.
If you want another woman why don't you divorce you wife. Even though this is five years ago and it probably doesn't matter because you have probably already made your decision. Damn, whenever I give advice I find that the question was asked years ago and the person who asked the question has been gone for years, maybe dead. Anyways whatever then. Remember in 2200 we will become Kardashev 1
Does anyone actually read these comments I mean can I say like anything I want and nobody will actually respond to this? this is cool. Let's see how low I can go;;;
It's getting low
Yeah GIggity Gigity Gooo. Last time Now
Okay! I'm done was that a good freefall or what?!!!
Ok I here many debates regards cheating! Me and my wife had an active sex life up till marriage! We went from 3 months with no sex then 6 then 9! Too I've lost count! Constantly I brought it up! I told her I'm not happy! I told her I'd either end up leaving or cheating and she did nothing! I recommended marriage couciling and she did nothing! I stopped holding hands! I stopped being loving!! She still didn't get the message. I got to point Where I wanted divorce her. We hadn't had sex for over a year then the one time we did she got magically pregnant! so we have kids And before I get some self righteous arse who says "you can't stay to get her for the kids"! Right I all ready did that and my ex was so bitter my daughter paid the price. So much so she had to have couciling! Also cost me £60k in court costs to get access. Now me and my current wife have two children and the kids are happy and settled. If we divorced my wife would just move back to her parents with her kids and stay there for the rest of her life and do nothing!! My kids would suffer plus I don't trust her to meet some one decent tonne around my kids! She makes the worest decisions and can't look after her self. My wife knows I won't leave her because of this and does nothing to change anything! She doesn't even work anymore she got fired because she couldn't be bothered to go in. So all the financial stress is on me!! The house corrospomdecr is on me as she won't open and sort out letters when I'm away. it's like having another child not a partner. So for reason I explained I won't divorce because my as kids are happy. So I felt my only choice was to cheat. And that's what I do now. I see another married woman who is in same position as me. I don't regret it or feel bad. I meet her once to twice week and me and my wife don't have sex. Now I don't feel guilty and when my kids are older I will be getting a divorce. But please some one give me better advise! Please let someone tell me how wrong I am. And if your a person who expects me just to not have sex your an idiot. If you are not having sex with your partner I 99% promise you they are getting else where. And I'll tell you why. Before I started seeing my married lady regularly. I had selpt with countless married woman! And all my mates who are married have and are cheating!! Why are people so blind too it? 90% of people need sex it's built in us to breed. You can't fight it's nature. So please will some one tell me. Enter advise because I am all ears!!!
DON'T DO IT!
You say you love your wife so much. Then why are you even thinking of this other woman at all! It is clearly just a fantasy! Leave it that way! Sounds to me like you are getting bored on the home front with your wife. Have you ever thought of doing a few new fantasies with your wife? Or how about role playing? Maybe act this same situation at home with just your WIFE.
Man I will tell you if you cheat on her you will do it again and do it again. Yes once you cheat you will get addicted to it and then keep doing it. If you do cheat on her with this woman you might as well divorce your wife now and save her from being hurt later. Maybe she wouldn't find out but you know she will but in time. WATCH OUT because in the end things can bite you in the butt later in life.
Your wife deserves someone much better then you obviously. I can't believe you are even thinking of doing that to someone you say you love. I don't think you do love her because if you did you wouldn't be questioning anything with this other chick or even any other chick. One day your wife might get a phone call from some chick saying " Your husband thinks you are a hore or etc and then turn around and tell her to get out of your life and if you don't I know where you live and I am going to come and kick your butt." Yeah Someday someone is going to jealous and call your wife and tell her mean things because you 2 are still married. Yeah your wife WILL find out someday and then Man you will then have totally broke her heart because you snuck behind her back and had the wild fantasy that you wanted with any other woman out there.
If you are seriously thinking of this fantasy with this other woman:
1> Tell your wife you hate her and don't love her anymore - I want a divorce NOW!
2> Explain you love someone else that is already married
If you seriously love your wife TOTALLY and know that she trusts you - then you will have to do these things ASAP:
1> Change Jobs
2> Change to a different Dept.
3> at all costs STOP talking to her (the other woman)
4> at all costs STOP looking at her
5> AVOID HER COMPLETELY!!
If you love your wife DON'T DO IT!
Love hurts - but someday your wife may find out and I know it hurts since I have been in her spot before. I am now remarried and I have such a WONDERFUL FAITHFUL Husband now. My BEST advice to you is DON'T DO IT!
The short answer is 'no,' but you knew that already, didn't you? Here's the question you should be asking yourself. Do you want to leave your wife right now in order to pursue this 'office relationship.' I suspect that your answer would be 'no.' Then do not go down the road that could ultimately break your marriage.
You might believe she will never find out. Perhaps not. But you will know and it Will change YOU. You will become a person who cannot be trusted and like most people who cannot be trusted you will begin to wonder about the trustworthiness of other people (like your wife).
But chances are better that she will fine out. It's hard to keep these kind of secrets in an office. She'll know and you'll know. Other's might see the way you look at each other and suspect. She might tell a co-worker...and eventually it would get back to your wife. And she'll be gutted. Really, really hurt. And you'll feel bad not only for the affair, but for how badly your wife is hurting. And the relationship with her will be forever changed, forever gone, in that instant. Yes, she might forgive you. But that 1st trusting-love-for-you will be gone. And you'll miss it.
You ask, "What if this is what I'm supposed to do?" Going outside your marriage vows is never something you are supposed to do. You know the old adage, "The grass always looks leaner?: (Or the office woman's butt looks leaner?" It's a mirage.
It's not bad or wrong to feel this way. But it IS wrong to act on it. Take these heady "I have a crush" feeling and transfer them to your wife. If you can't do this, seek a counselor.
Don't hurt yourself and reward a good wife with bad behavior.
DON'T DO IT. (encourage the supposed attraction). This is from someone who has been there. I was married for 25+ years to someone who always was faithful and treating me fine. Then something started at work like what you are describing. What you think you see in this attractive woman as her possibly feeling the same way is probably true. I got caught up in the excitement of a new relationship and cheated on my husband behind his back. This other person and I would usually meet after work and "fell in love with each other". Well, as time went by the bottom fell out of my new-found relationship. His wife worked at the same workplace but on a different shift and in a different department. My "new love" was fired from his job, his wife knew he was seeing someone else, my husband found out about him, and two families were changed forever. A total of seven children were affected from our selfishness. His marriage was destroyed and mine went through a very difficult, traumatic time. You never know before-hand how things will turn out. They never turn out the way you think. All it amounts to is pain, pain, pain. For EVERYONE. It is a real shame that I had to learn the hard way that there is a real preciousness about remaining faithful in a marriage. I hope my advice will spare you from the same devistation. IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!!
I went thru all your coments, and what I see is just RIGHT answers, nothing real or true.
"don't do it" "what if your wife cheats on you" "bla bla bla". If every person thinks like you folks, the world will be perfect. I know it's a very bad idea, but it happens, and no one can change it, especially if it's a man.
I liked a lot the posting of TEKNERD, and I see it very mature and fair. Yeah men can have flirts sometimes with women, especially if they are sexy and they flirting on you. it's something in our hormones and we can't change it.
if you love your wife and you want to forget about the other chick, you have just 2 ways
1) go and do it, have sex with her and hopefully after that the attraction go down because most of the times it's just sex and not real love. (like MELLISAIN46176 said)
2)go away from her, that's mean not seeing her anymore, but you said she works with you, so loosing your job is the way buddy.
Don't ever think that you can forget her by just thinking in a good way about your wife, because it's very hard and she will cross your mind every minute especially if she's hot and pretty.
In one word it's like DRUGS. God forgive us
Most people around have the same opinion and give the same advice: "Avoid it as much as you can!"
I share that opinion. However, sometimes the attraction is almost unbearable and in that case the following words may help.
If the flesh results weak, if the occasion plainly occurs, if you can't or don't feel like restraining,... Remember to proceed with dignity:
1) Make the encounter enjoyable for yourself and for the other one.
2) Don't be 'cheap'. That is, pay for a decent diner, night out, hotel room, etc.. should you need one.
3) Do it so that you can still feel good about yourself afterward. Many of us cheat. It's not a "good thing" but neither is it the end of the world.
4) Afterward, don't go out and look for other occasion. If you do you probably were not really interested in good advice but merely in good excuses.
5) Your wife probably doesn't want to know. Even when you're in an "open" relationship. So don't tell her.
6) Remain fair to your wife. Respect her should the same thing happen to her.
7) Remember and cherish the warmth you felt.
You are a moron. want to go treat your wife like dirt, know that you are doing wrong, and you ask about it in public? What kind of @#$@# wad does that?
Sheesh. Listen up, man, I'll say this 1 time and 1 time only.
Don't cheat on your wife, get a divorce or tell her that you don't think it's working.
This 'fantasy' you have concocted, about the woman at work liking you, is just that a fantasy.
Even if she *is* attracted to you, do the right thing and talk to your wife.
If you got married, and love her, then what happened with your relationship to your wife?
Why do you suddenly think that this other woman would be a good thing for you to have, even if you could have her?
Sure, there are woman that are attractive out there, even if you are married, but if you really *loved* the woman that you married, then you owe it to her & yourself to figure out first what's really going on with that relationship.
Of course, it's a whole different story if your wife is OK with it...that'a different topic altogether though :) *grin*.
OMG, when I read this I thought it was written by ME!
Well, I am in the same boat. I have a woman at work I have been infatuated with for two years now and I keep hoping she will quit because I really love my job but just being around this woman is torture.
My advice is if you really want to get over this woman, do whatever it takes to avoid her. Don't walk by her desk, don't go to lunch with her. If she walks near your office/cube, go somewhere else.
I have a whole story behind this and I don't want to bore with details, but if the OP is interested I can email you my story and we could compare notes. I am trying very hard to get over this woman and it is NOT EASY!
All these people that are saying DON'T DO IT, or your a SCUMBAG, don't listen to them, this is very judgmental advice and is very easy for them to sit on their high horse and judge you. In my opinion people that talk like this fit in one of two categories: They either have never been through this themselves, or the have been the victim of their spouse going through it.
Here's what I think- You and your wife have been married a long time. I have been with my husband for ten years now. You know each other..too well. It's so predicatable that you can hardly stand it. This other woman, she is unknown, exciting, stirs feelings inside you that you thought were in a coma. The thrill of it all. The fantasies, what you would do if this or that happened. It's exciting, it makes you feel young. REALITY- you are both married. If you do this you SHOULD have tremendous guilt. Once you have done it, you may regret it. You'll want a clean conscience and you will end up telling your wife. How will she feel? Like she can never trust anyone in her life. The man that she has loved for "x" amount of years has betrayed her. She will look at the world with scorn and hatred. You could lose all that you have now in a messy divorce- and the children...what will they think? All for what, really?
Sometimes we want to do some things that we know are not right. All you have to do is :
1. Tell your wife you are having feelings for another woman, and maybe if she truely loves you she will understand.
2.Tell the woman at work that you are having feelings for her and see if she has feelings for you . If she feels the same then hold back for a while and see if the feelings go away as you gradually get to know her more.
3. Get the woman at work to tell her husband that she has feelings for another man and see if he truely loves her and maybe he will understand .
4.If your feelings change then move on and get over it!!!
first how long have u been wit ur wife and second how long have u known this other women and if u really love ur wife u wouuld try to find another job and forget about this other women cause men that cheat will never find true love cause ur not think about ne one else besides ur self so dont cheat on ur wife cause u would have never married her if u dint have a companion with her so leave the other lady alone and forget about her smile and her yes and lips and every thing else it is not worth losing a nice ladyes love for sum hoe cause that is how i see thid other gurl if she waz to cheat on her husband with u and if u and her waz to hook up wat makes u think she wont cheat on u with sum otha man cause she likes him so look at wat ur losing b4 u do ne thing stupid
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whats wrong with you
no matter how long you try to keep it a secret you WILL get caught
women aren't stupid and we can figure out if a man is cheating on us u may think you will do it once but you will keep coming back for more it's a known fact and i think it's wrong...THINK ABOUT IT HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SHE CHEATED ON YOU WITH ANOTHER GUY AT WORK? you need to think more clearly about your thougths and what you really want sex or love? it depends and it's all up to you it's your decision to be unfaithful because once you cheat you have to live with that disgusting guilt forever no matter how good things may work out...just think clearly before you do irrashional things
Thoughts like this are quite common among most married guys AFAIK. However, if it is mostly based on a sexual attraction IT IS NOT WORTH IT. If it is on a deeper more intellectual level, first consider whether you could work more on your existing relationship. Don't question your current relationship too much just because your hormones are playing you tricks. 30 minutes of sweaty intercourse with " a new exciting partner" has a lot less value than a deep long-term relationship has. Trust me.
Just because "you could" doesn't mean "you should".
SO good luck taming your hormones.
A fellow married man
Your story sounds understanding...but being a women, I feel as if your need is only based on attraction. What if you do go out with her, and something more than just "talking" happens? I believe that you may just be sexually attracted to her? Do you even know if she has a wonderul personality, or if she's a great person to be around? If you don't...then do you want to risk finding out? Are you in this for the SEXUAL interest, or GETTING TO KNOW HER?? What does your she have that your wife doesn't? It sounds like attraction!
Lets consider one thing, say that you are "in love" with this women. Your second love will never compare to your first love. The second girl is only but a "replacement" no matter how you look at it. This struggle your going through is an everyday struggle for every man. But remember, any man can get a girl and stick his dic* in her. But it takes a real man to love his wife. You made a committment, that committment means waking up everyday to new and old challenges. The lowest people on earth are the ones who break committments, they are rats, dirt..
ok i am not going to be mean like some of the others but just here me out ok, i know for a fact that you would never want to do this, what if your wife found someone she does not know and started cheating on you. i know what is actually happening, your head is playing tricks on you. on you just close your eyes and breath in and out deeply and think about all the good times that you have shared with your wife. when you open your eyes, i think you will have the right decission.
ok for starters, you must be in a very bad situation. but just think about it. this woman is married, if she feels anything than let her come to you. but you know what this is worng anyway, it seems just like a little well shoudl i say big crush, seriously one night/afternoon or whatever of passion with this woman you could detroy your marriage and trust you have with your wife. is it worth it?? i think not, but its up to you.
As a guy I feel embaresed for what your thinking of doing.JUST BECAUSE you WONT GET CAUGHT GIVES THE RIGHT TO CHEAT ON HER THTA IS THE STUPIDIST THING OF HAVE EVER READ IN THIS WBSITE I AGREE WITH miszbina505 you MADE A COMMITMENT TO HER you SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM THAT WOMAN DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOUR WIFE LIGHT UP THAT FLAME THAT BROUGHT YOU AND YOUR WIFE TOGETHER DONT LET THAT FLAME GO AWAY SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR WIFE!!!
seriously!? what the f*ck is yo problem!? just because you thnk bout dis women constantly means nothing!! if you truely loved your wife dey would just stay thots!! and thnk bout it like you said you don't even really knw dis other women so if your wife were to find out you knw dang well she would not be worth losin your wife!! stop be so retartd and if you feel yourself gettin temptd avoid that lady sheez dude!!
im 16 and im discussing this situation with my g/f, the way that I feel about is that its wrong, you made a commitment to someone that is supposed to last a lifetime, if you really love your wife then you wont do it, and if you do do it and things go smoothly then it will eat away at you forever. ask yourself if its worth it? ask yourself about the pro's and con's...jus think about it for a while
I am a person who was cheated on by my boyfriend. its the worst feeling in the world. if you truely love your wife which you say you do, then you wouldnt be thinking about cheating on her. DONT DO IT. if you are going to cheat you might as well get a dirvorce and if you dont really want that then at least talk to your wife about how youre feeling with this other women and maybe go for counceling.
Why would you cheat on your wife?You made her a commitment by marrying her and then you find another woman and just go for them?I hate bein hurt and cheated on.What will you do if she do find out?The other girl probrably wont want you anymore.So no don't.And getting advice on this website,ya know she can fid out on this by clicking history and findin gyour password and reading this?
Man check this out, I Understand I mean your a man, it's ok to have a sexual attraction to another woman. Woman act like they don't look at other men or even think about other men, trust me they do. So I'm not saying do it but hey if you do just don't admit to it, make your wife prove you did it, and then if you do get caught oh well there are other fish in the sea.
Go on and do it see if the thoughts go away. Sometimes you just need a fling! I am a married woman and have cheated on my husband. I needed to see if my feelings went away and they have. So give it a try ignore all the other peoples resoneses they must have been cheated on in the past if theres no way of getting caught go for it!!!!
Someone smart said to me that being in a relationship is a choice. You can choose to be with the woman who loves you and trusts you or... you can choose not to.
Take a walk, and remember why you married your wife.
And get transfered to another department so you don't see that MARRIED woman.
What your feeling for this woman is called LUST. It doesn't mean you don't love your wife. it's just a temptation that you SHOULD NOT give into. Your married. You made a vow. Stick to it. How would you feel if your wife had a next dick up her? I'm sure you wouldn't like that.
Retrogret...if you respect your wife...you don't get a nice hotel room, or dinner or anything with another person. It's not the end of the world? Damn close to it. You should say out of the Holiday Inns....there is life out there. Get your own man.
Hey dude, I dont know much on the subject so Im really not to answer, but dont cheat, its not right. If anything divorce your wife and THEN go for the women but if you would cheat then your wife is much better then you. And wow! Old question! Didi you do it?
If you need to ask "should I cheat" you don't deserve the girl you have. The girl at work is not attracted to you, you just think she is because you want to F___ her. Whack off in the shower and buy your wife some flowers for no good reason.
ha ha, go for it, but don't use notes, or she will have proof and you will get caught.
You don't seem to bright fella.
No one should ever cheat on their partner - under ANY circumstances. If you're not happy in your marriage, get a divorce.
oh god, this thing is old...I wonder if he really did cheat...hey, if you're reading this, tell us what hppnd... ^-^
NO NO NO NO NO!!!
I hate cheaters...
I cant believe you even thought about it!
you dont deserve your wife!
you are willing to end two good relationships becuase you and your wife arent f.u.c.k....ing anymore
I hope you did it, let me knows how it goes, did you guys do it on top of the copy machine?
umm no you shouldnt cheat on your wife because you vowed not to when you married her idiot.
Oh and I also think cheating and lying is the most stupid thing a guy could do.
I agree with you 100% Who says women aren't smart!! you go girl!
how would u feel if ur wife waz doin that 2 u