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He deals with depression, won't take anything for it. Sleeps all day and stays up all night. His two childredn 8 & 10 live with us and he wakes up long enough to play with them for an hour or two and then goes back to sleep. I am at my wits end. I can't seem to say anything without us getting into a huge fight and I hate fighting. Any new or different ideas out there? BTW, I am a single mom, taking care of my son and his two kids.
I have to agree with Matt also on this one --- there comes a time when a man has to "MAN UP"
He has a family OF HIS OWN! he needs to be taking care of. It will be hard for you to do this, and I suspect you already know what must be done ---
If he has 2 kids --- where's there mother? Obviously we don't know all the background, but regardless of that, it's time your son started acted like the grown man that he is, and get out of bed, and get himself in gear and do what a man is supposed to instead of sulking in bed all day and letting his life and yours and his kids waste away for no reason.
In the end --- it'll be up to you to make it happen --- Clearly YOU are the one taking care of his kids, and I know you feel sorry in many ways because it's not their fault. But, you need to stand your ground for them, as well as for him... and we won't even consider all the stress that's on you in you having to step up in his place when you're own son is already an adult and should be doing it...
I'm sure you love him --- Prove it ! It'll be your one last hard act that forces him into reality that he has responsibilities that are his, not yours...
If he has diagnosed mental issues, then clearly those will need to be addressed during this process --- if he's supposed to be on meds, and is not --- that's a good place to start. If he won't help himself so he can help his own family, then the next step is that someone steps in and take them from him --- no one wants that, but clearly he's not doing any parenting now, so the kids deserve a whole lot more!
In the end --- it goes back to you mom --- you have to force the issue, but I think you already know this but need someone to back you up --- Perhaps someone from a support group, or your church may offer something in that area to help you thru... but, it is back on you to kick him in the butt, and get him going, either under his own power, or with the help of someone/something else --- perhaps potential loss of his kids is incentive...
Good luck
I'm going with matt on this one, well sort of. Depression is not easy to deal with, and I completely understand his wanting to stay in bed all day, but you're simply enabling him to do so. It's like you wonder how people end up getting stuck in their houses unable to leave? Or people get too fat to get out of bed? Well, it is because someone is there taking care of them, so they sink further into their illness until it disables them. You need to do this for his sake as well as your own. You do not cook for him, you do not clean for him, you dont do anything for him. I know, your kid is sick, you want to take care of them. But you're prolonging this sickness by doing stuff for him. I also understand you dont want your grandchildren to suffer. Well they're suffering by him being absent. So either he needs to get his butt up and do something about the depression, or you need to tell him you're going to petition for custody. He is not a fit parent. An ultimatum might work. He needs to go get therapy or you will kick him out. Without his kids.
Sounds like you need to hand out some tuft love. Give him a deadline to get a job or he has to leave. It's a hard thing to do but it could be the best thing for him. Sometimes w/ people like that all they need is some motivation. Also encerage him to get out an enjoy him self once in a while. I don't know how long he's been like this but you have to act fast for if you remain in a depressed state for to long your brain chemicals will change he'll struggle with depression his whole life. This is when depression becomes a problem.
