Lying Fiance

Im 37. I married when I was 19 to a man that was addicted to porn movies and Penthouse magazine and I got so mad at him. Hed hide it and I actually divorced him over it. Looking back, it was ridiculous. It was nieve of me. I mean, he loved me but he did that before we met and I shouldnt have assumed he’d quit. Its harmless. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you. My current boyfriend watches it and so do I sometimes. Let him have his thing. Hes with you and not them right? Looking never hurts. Yes, hes going to lie to you. Hes addicted. Maybe you should learn to accept it and things will be better and maybe he will quit on his own one day?

That doesnt make it ok that he lied…maybe I would be ok with it if he would just tell the truth. I just want to know how to get the truth out of him. We’re supposed to be married, but someone so immature that he still looks at porn and lies to me about…I dont know if I should commit myself to that.

Here is a very good website. Its long, but please take time to read it.

http://www.everystudent.com/pdf/toxic.pdf>>

Porn & addiction…sex out of context As long as it’s expressed in the protective commitment of a marriage relationship, it’s wonderful, warm and romantic. But porn takes sex outside that context.

Porn - A Big Business It’s a big business that makes a lot of money and doesn’t care how. They’ll show you whatever they think will make you come back and buy more. “There were 11,000 porn video titles last year verses 400 movie releases from Hollywood last year…[and] 70,000 pornographic web sites.

Porn’s Image of Sex One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted. The porn culture tells you that sex, love and intimacy are all the same thing. In porn, people have sex with total strangers – people they just met. All that matters is my satisfaction. It doesn’t matter whose body I’m using, as long as I get it. Porn gets you to think that sex is something you can have anytime, anywhere, with anyone, with no consequences.

What Sex is Really About The problem with porn’s shallow perspective is that relationships are not built on sex, but on commitment, caring and mutual trust. In that context, like fire in the fireplace, sex is wonderful. Being with someone who loves and accepts you, someone who is committed to you for your whole lives together, someone you can give yourself completely to, that is what makes sex really great.

Effects of Pornography: The Lies of Porn You can’t learn the truth about sex from pornography. It doesn’t deal in truth. Pornography is not made to educate, but to sell. So, pornography will tell whatever lies attract and hold the audience. Porn thrives on lies – lies about sex, women, marriage and a lot of other things. Let’s look at some of those lies and see just how badly they can mess up your life and attitudes.

Lie #1 - Women are less than human The women in Playboy magazine are called “bunnies,” making them cute little animals or “playmates,” making them a toy. Penthouse magazine calls them “pets.” Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts. Some pornography shows only the body or the genitals and doesn’t show the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.

Lie #2 - Women are a “sport” Some sports magazines have a “swimsuit” issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Porn views sex as a game and in a game, you have to “win,” “conquer,” or “score.” Men who buy into this view like to talk about “scoring” with women. They start judging their manhood by how many “conquests” they can make. Each woman I “score” with is another trophy on my shelf, another “notch” in my belt to validate my masculinity.

Lie #3 - Women are property We’ve all seen the pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message, “Buy one, and you get them both.” Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalog, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It’s not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be bought.

Lie #4 - A woman’s value depends on the attractiveness of her body Less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don’t fit into porn’s criteria of the “perfect” woman. Porn doesn’t care about a woman’s mind or personality, only her body.

Lie #5 - Women like rape “When she says no, she means yes” is a typical porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like it. Porn teaches men to enjoying hurting and abusing women for entertainment.

^^Theres 4 more!

What are the effects of pornography on a man? What kinds of ideas is porn putting into our heads? If the wrong things keep getting dumped in, your mental environment can get so polluted that your life is going to have problems. One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted.

Porn Addiction: The Pull of Porn Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage, and children. However, some will have some kind of emotional opening that allows the addiction to really grab hold. The porn companies don’t mind at all if you become completely addicted to their product. It’s great for business. Dr. Victor Cline has divided the progress of addiction into several stages; addiction, escalation, desensitization, and acting out. For porn addicts, I’ve found that there is another stage that comes first – early exposure. Let’s look at these stages:

EARLY EXPOSURE Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see porn when they are very young and it gets its foot in the door. PORN ADDICTION You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You’re hooked and can’t quit. ESCALATION You start to look for more graphic pornography. You start using porn that disgusted you earlier. Now, it excites you. DESENSITIZATION You start to become numb to the images you see. Even the most graphic porn doesn’t excite you any more. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again, but you can’t find it. ACTING OUT SEXUALLY This is the point where men make a crucial jump and start acting out the images they have seen. Some move from the paper and plastic images of porn into the real world, with real people, in destructive ways.

The Most Important Relationship In your search for intimacy and love, pornography is an empty substitute for real love.